moving in with partner

intranicity

Gemma, just read your cry for help

I think you sound like a decent well sorted young lady, you made mistakes at a young age (but you didn't expect your partner to die and I hope you never ever have to think the kids were a mistake and in a perfect world I'm sure you'd prefer to have been married and had a good job, house etc before kids, but this world ain't perfect)

I'm going to go against the grain here, BUT, do you love your new partner and DOES HE LOVE YOU AND THE KIDS?

Yes, he was Jack the lad, fast car, CRAP driver, hence the high insurance, but sounds like he's been on the seen a while?

I understand people telling you to be careful, and yes, he could be a complete t**t and you might end up worse off it it all went sour, BUT

He's been around for a few years, you intimate he is good to your kids and you seem to love him..... AND you really do sound like a decent honest young lady......

Take it from someone thats life has been screwed up in the past, that you can plan for every eventuality, but you'll still fail to spot all the possible outcomes.

OK, I'm stupid, a romantic and I look for the best in people and life, BUT if you LOVE each other, TRUST each other and he's good for the kids, live for today and be happy, you WILL come through it

Good luck and I hope you take this the way it's meant

Andy x

Gemma_B

intranicity wrote: »

Gemma, just read your cry for help

I think you sound like a decent well sorted young lady, you made mistakes at a young age (but you didn't expect your partner to die and I hope you never ever have to think the kids were a mistake and in a perfect world I'm sure you'd prefer to have been married and had a good job, house etc before kids, but this world ain't perfect)

I'm going to go against the grain here, BUT, do you love your new partner and DOES HE LOVE YOU AND THE KIDS?

Yes, he was Jack the lad, fast car, CRAP driver, hence the high insurance, but sounds like he's been on the seen a while?

I understand people telling you to be careful, and yes, he could be a complete t**t and you might end up worse off it it all went sour, BUT

He's been around for a few years, you intimate he is good to your kids and you seem to love him..... AND you really do sound like a decent honest young lady......

Take it from someone thats life has been screwed up in the past, that you can plan for every eventuality, but you'll still fail to spot all the possible outcomes.

OK, I'm stupid, a romantic and I look for the best in people and life, BUT if you LOVE each other, TRUST each other and he's good for the kids, live for today and be happy, you WILL come through it

Good luck and I hope you take this the way it's meant

Andy x

thankyou.
and yes he's been there alot,
yes very crap driver he had the typical boy racer car to start with and caught a speed camera (very bad) and just missed red light .....
when he met me and eventualy the kids he gave up the boy racer car and didnt want a car thatt break so typically he went to finance... regret it now but he's typical man he loves his car, i know most people on here are really serious and thing gr gr gr car on finance is bad but he did start with right intentions, he gave up working in sports shop and over last 3 years hes gone as office working on 15k a year to higher up and 24k to try and persuade me to move in with him.

the first idea was that he was on good wage i could move in and be stay at home mum until kids were old enough and he would take care of us but second look at wages and really not possible to actually live aswel. also i've got to point where i look at how well he's doing and feel guilty if i get nowhere in life.

and i know i sound like a bad person as i want to earn enough keep us going, i dont want to earn just enough to pay child care as that be pointless to me as that dont help with bills, i dont want to work that much i never see my children, i want to be there for them they lost one parent already and i feel guilty enough.

intranicity

I think you have a decent guy there to be honest. I'd grab life with both hands and be happy, sounds like you all like being together and you are in all other sense's a family.

From a guys point of view, he's happy to support you where money comes in, you can support him looking after the house and the kids, maybe even earn some extra money in a part time job. I don't see any problem with this approach, maybe it's old fashioned? I'm only 45 lol

Yes, money will be tight, but as the kids become older and less dependant, you can hopefully get yourself a career and a better income.

Live for today Gemma, if it all fails, then thats life, but do you want to be in this position or worse in 5 years time thinking if only I'd been brave enough to give it a go. Simplistic I know, but then thats me lol

Gemma_B

intranicity wrote: »

I think you have a decent guy there to be honest. I'd grab life with both hands and be happy, sounds like you all like being together and you are in all other sense's a family.

From a guys point of view, he's happy to support you where money comes in, you can support him looking after the house and the kids, maybe even earn some extra money in a part time job. I don't see any problem with this approach, maybe it's old fashioned? I'm only 45 lol

Yes, money will be tight, but as the kids become older and less dependant, you can hopefully get yourself a career and a better income.

Live for today Gemma, if it all fails, then thats life, but do you want to be in this position or worse in 5 years time thinking if only I'd been brave enough to give it a go. Simplistic I know, but then thats me lol[/QUOTE

im 26 life aint going any slower think you might of put things straight for me, in september my youngest is in full time so hoping by then can sort something properly.
but there's certain things like beds and wardobes i can sell and keep in savings for time being i supose.

thankyou soo much.

clairec79

you said he travels a distance to work and you live in a bad area, would it be possible to get a place together nearer his work to cut down petrol outgoings?

intranicity

Gemma_B wrote: »

think you might of put things straight for me

I hope I've just made you dwell on life and the important things, BEING HAPPY, doesn't matter if you live in a slum if you're happy, but I'm sure you will get where you aspire to be over time and still be happy.

Good luck to you all x

PS I want an invite to the wedding

sp1987

He spends an awful lot on a car.

As to housing, could you try and do a housing exchange to get a home in a different area closer to his work? Your rent would probably be less in the council accomodation and you would have the security of tenure there. Surely it would be madness to leave the secure tenancy?

Is he as focused on the children as you are? I'm not saying that because he is not their dad, just that if he 'won't' give up his financed car for the family finances, is that going to prevent you all from being financially comfortable?

Maybe try looking into how much it would cost to hand the car back/sell it and buy a cheaper one so there is no finance? It is an awfully big expense to be paying out the same to have and insure a car as rent and council tax for a home. Obviously petrol costs are as they are unless location can be changed, but £3000 a year insurance and £3000 a year finance is quite remarkable (when compared to income and family structure). How much is this car worth? If it is a 5 year finance deal it seems ball park he will have paid £15,000 on it? A small reliable run around (though I know you can get cheaper still) would only cost £1500.

Short and sharp of it is after rent and car expenses, there is not a lot left percentagewise. If you say take home pay is £19,000 then £6,300 goes on rent/ct, £6000 on owning and insuring the car not even driving anywhere and £2,160 to drive it. That is £14,460. 76% of income gone. Nobody is fed, clothed, electric, water paid etc. 24% of income left to feed, clothe, wash, insure (for furry ones) and entertain 4 people and whoever is insured as a pet. That then ignores there being any debts/sky/phone too. £19,000 / 12 months / 100 per cent x 24% = £380 to do all that. Just does not fit with your above budget.

The debt free forum would be a good place to post, they'll see where you can make savings. The income is actually perfectly doable it is just what it is being apportioned to that is the issue for how much you have left to use.