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My wife's ex owes us a lot of money
DebtHater
Posts: 1,053 Forumite
Hi all,
Just looking for some ideas and opinions on a recent problem that me and my wife have been having.
In 2007, my wife and her ex took out a joint tenancy with a local housing association (I wasnt on the scene at this time). They moved in with their 2 year old son. Things didnt go well from what I have been told - domestic abuse to my wife was a regular occurence - and her ex ended up cheating on my wife. He left of his own accord, but both he and his parents assured my wife that she would get regular maintenance and a sensible contribution towards household bills.
In December 2009 I came along, we fell in love and got married etc. During this time, it all came out about how much debt that her ex had left my wife in.
Not only did he not pay any contribution towards the bills, he also didnt pay any money towards his son's upkeep. His parents paid the odd £20 here and there, but it was very rare.
I think the thing that hurt my wife the most was he was the rent-payer whilst he was living there, and he assured my wife that a direct debit had been set up for the rent + council tax every month.
So for 18 months, he was not only paying any bills (he lied and said he was paying the bills on time) he also ended up wasting the money on his girlfriends he had on the side.
So back to December 2009. I get given a stack of paperwork and my wife asks for my help. I find myself reading court orders, possesion orders, eviction notices, debt collection letters, even a letter stating my wife was going to be committed to prison for not paying the council tax.
I ended up paying the rent arrears and council tax arrears, to ensure that her son had a roof over his head and to ensure that he had a mum to look after him, and not being sent to prison.
The amount I paid was £3,500, £1000 of it being council tax.
We are now fully up to date, no more arrears on rent/council tax.
However, he did take out some loans in my wifes name for things such as washing machine, cooker, fridge, and didnt make the payments he agreed to. So there are some more outstanding bills, but they arent seen as urgent as the rent/council tax were.
He pays CSA at £5 every 2 weeks, although he picks and chooses when this gets paid. Im not sure how he does it, but we didnt receive any payments for about 7 months, then they just started up again. He told the CSA he doesnt work, hence the low payment. But he does work, cash in hand.
It may also be worth noting he is still named on the joint tenancy - we cant get his name off until he writes a letter of consent or we go to court.
What a pickle
Just looking for some ideas and opinions on a recent problem that me and my wife have been having.
In 2007, my wife and her ex took out a joint tenancy with a local housing association (I wasnt on the scene at this time). They moved in with their 2 year old son. Things didnt go well from what I have been told - domestic abuse to my wife was a regular occurence - and her ex ended up cheating on my wife. He left of his own accord, but both he and his parents assured my wife that she would get regular maintenance and a sensible contribution towards household bills.
In December 2009 I came along, we fell in love and got married etc. During this time, it all came out about how much debt that her ex had left my wife in.
Not only did he not pay any contribution towards the bills, he also didnt pay any money towards his son's upkeep. His parents paid the odd £20 here and there, but it was very rare.
I think the thing that hurt my wife the most was he was the rent-payer whilst he was living there, and he assured my wife that a direct debit had been set up for the rent + council tax every month.
So for 18 months, he was not only paying any bills (he lied and said he was paying the bills on time) he also ended up wasting the money on his girlfriends he had on the side.
So back to December 2009. I get given a stack of paperwork and my wife asks for my help. I find myself reading court orders, possesion orders, eviction notices, debt collection letters, even a letter stating my wife was going to be committed to prison for not paying the council tax.
I ended up paying the rent arrears and council tax arrears, to ensure that her son had a roof over his head and to ensure that he had a mum to look after him, and not being sent to prison.
The amount I paid was £3,500, £1000 of it being council tax.
We are now fully up to date, no more arrears on rent/council tax.
However, he did take out some loans in my wifes name for things such as washing machine, cooker, fridge, and didnt make the payments he agreed to. So there are some more outstanding bills, but they arent seen as urgent as the rent/council tax were.
He pays CSA at £5 every 2 weeks, although he picks and chooses when this gets paid. Im not sure how he does it, but we didnt receive any payments for about 7 months, then they just started up again. He told the CSA he doesnt work, hence the low payment. But he does work, cash in hand.
It may also be worth noting he is still named on the joint tenancy - we cant get his name off until he writes a letter of consent or we go to court.
What a pickle
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Comments
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Hi all,
Just looking for some ideas and opinions on a recent problem that me and my wife have been having.
In 2007, my wife and her ex took out a joint tenancy with a local housing association (I wasnt on the scene at this time). They moved in with their 2 year old son. Things didnt go well from what I have been told - domestic abuse to my wife was a regular occurence - and her ex ended up cheating on my wife. He left of his own accord, but both he and his parents assured my wife that she would get regular maintenance and a sensible contribution towards household bills.
In December 2009 I came along, we fell in love and got married etc. During this time, it all came out about how much debt that her ex had left my wife in.
Not only did he not pay any contribution towards the bills, he also didnt pay any money towards his son's upkeep. His parents paid the odd £20 here and there, but it was very rare.
I think the thing that hurt my wife the most was he was the rent-payer whilst he was living there, and he assured my wife that a direct debit had been set up for the rent + council tax every month.
So for 18 months, he was not only paying any bills (he lied and said he was paying the bills on time) he also ended up wasting the money on his girlfriends he had on the side.
So back to December 2009. I get given a stack of paperwork and my wife asks for my help. I find myself reading court orders, possesion orders, eviction notices, debt collection letters, even a letter stating my wife was going to be committed to prison for not paying the council tax.
I ended up paying the rent arrears and council tax arrears, to ensure that her son had a roof over his head and to ensure that he had a mum to look after him, and not being sent to prison.
The amount I paid was £3,500, £1000 of it being council tax.
We are now fully up to date, no more arrears on rent/council tax.
However, he did take out some loans in my wifes name for things such as washing machine, cooker, fridge, and didnt make the payments he agreed to. So there are some more outstanding bills, but they arent seen as urgent as the rent/council tax were.
He pays CSA at £5 every 2 weeks, although he picks and chooses when this gets paid. Im not sure how he does it, but we didnt receive any payments for about 7 months, then they just started up again. He told the CSA he doesnt work, hence the low payment. But he does work, cash in hand.
It may also be worth noting he is still named on the joint tenancy - we cant get his name off until he writes a letter of consent or we go to court.
What a pickle
If you're confident he's doing cash in hand work, report him to the taxman.0 -
I ended up paying the rent arrears and council tax arrears, to ensure that her son had a roof over his head and to ensure that he had a mum to look after him, and not being sent to prison.
How lovely to hear a nice story for a change:D:T
The loans he took out in you wifes name did she know about them or is it fraud?
How much is still outstanding - is there any merit in paying the debts on condition he agrees to get his nme off your home?Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.0 -
I ended up paying the rent arrears and council tax arrears, to ensure that her son had a roof over his head and to ensure that he had a mum to look after him, and not being sent to prison.
The amount I paid was £3,500, £1000 of it being council tax.
Sadly both rent and CT are joint and several liabilities, which means that your missus and the ex were each wholly responsible for both debts. So legally you have not gor much chance of getting any reimbursment for these.
Did the ex take out loans fraudulently or just pressurise the missus into signing up for them?If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
How much is still outstanding - is there any merit in paying the debts on condition he agrees to get his nme off your home?
Rent & Council tax are both now fully paid - they had to be, otherwise we would have been screwed. And I wouldnt have had a wife, she would have been sent to prison. So we paid that off pretty sharpish. The only stuff now outstanding is the "hire" loans, for the kitchen applicances etc. Roughly around £1000.Did the ex take out loans fraudulently or just pressurise the missus into signing up for them?
He pressurised her into it; she says looking back she should have seen it coming.
Just doesnt seem fair....... I'm bringing up his child (although that isnt an issue) and I have paid his debts off, and he still thinks he can keep running?0 -
Just doesnt seem fair....... I'm bringing up his child (although that isnt an issue) and I have paid his debts off, and he still thinks he can keep running?
Quite agree it is not fair, on you or her, or his child. I suspect that it will come back to bite him in the bum sometime.
Keep tabs on the work situation, although it is mighty difficult to do.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
Are you and your wife living in her and her ex's home with all the mod cons that he took the loans out on?Be happy, it's the greatest wealth
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How much is it worth to not have to speak to him again?Debt free 4th April 2007.
New house. Bigger mortgage. MFWB after I have my buffer cash in place.0 -
Great thing that you've done and all, but I'm a bit confused. Why was he expected to pay the rent and council tax after he moved out? If your wife wasn't working then she could have easily claimed benefits to cover them. I can't see how he owes you for these, or in fact maintenance. He certainly owes his ex-wife, and should pay for his child, but other than the CSA minimum, he can't be forced (unfortunately).
Who gave you the stack of paperwork to sort out? Presumably all the paperwork relating to rent and council tax would go to the house, and so your wife will have been aware of the situation and should have taken action. Who has all the goods that the loans were taken out on? If you - sell them and pay the loans off.
This is going to seem harsh but given the information you've shared - these aren't his debts. They are your wife's. Getting angry at him for them is pointless.0 -
Ultimately, forget it, and move on! Life is too short.
Your wife is just as much to blame in all this, and it was very naive of her to assume he'd just pay the rent and bills, whilst obviously having his own life and paying his own rent/bills. It's all paid off now, so forget it.
Regarding the loans, again, this was very naive of her, but as its her name on them, she needs to pay them. Just pay them and move on.
If he's only paying £5 every 2 weeks for CSA, then he's not worth chasing for any debt.
Erase the looser from your memories and get on with your own life.Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0 -
If your wife kept all the mod cons that these loans paid for, then surely she also had a responsibility with regard to the debt? It seems that she buried her head in the sand and ignored the problems until you kindly came along and bailed her out.
I don't think that her ex should be shouldering all the responsibility for the debt as it sounds as though she might well have had the benefit of some of it. He doesn't sound like a nice guy but that does not absolve her of any responsibility.0
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