Is my daughter depressed?

daisyfields1

oompahloompah wrote: »

FWIW I don't think your daughter is suffering from depression - depression is an illness, and while it can sometimes be triggered by tragic events, it is still a clinical matter. However I'm not a doctor, so if you are genuinely concerned about this then take her to her GP.
However, she is very sad and is suffering because of the break-up. Many people describe the end of a marriage as being exactly like a bereavement, and to me, reading what you have said, this is what your daughter is experiencing. She is also at an age where everything is changing for her anyway - her body, her emotions, her life in general, and she will probably have exams to think about as well - and to have this to deal with too is very scary for her; she will be feeling very insecure about everything just now. She probably won't tell you this either but she will also be worried about you, and about money, and all these things as well. And she is angry with her dad. He is probably the last person she wants to be with just now.
You are obviously concerned about her and love her very much - make sure she knows this, and that you are always there for her if she wants to talk to you about anything at all. And I wouldn't force the issue with her dad - if she doesn't want to spend time with him, then don't force her to - this will only upset her more, if she thinks she is being treated like a child. Give her the option of seeing him, either at home or away from the house, and if she says she doesn't want to, then that's that. She will come to terms with what has happened in her own time, and will go back to her dad when she feels ready.
HTH

Thank you so much. Really appreciate this.

System

Personally I think a trip to the doctors might be in order. I had all the same symptoms and was diagnosed at 16. I'd had it since I was 11 but it took me attempting suicide for anyone to notice. The first treatment they generally try is counselling.

If you don't want to take her to the doctor do the school provide counselling, it sounds as though there's a lot on her mind and it might help to talk about it in confidence with someone?

daisyfields1

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Personally I think a trip to the doctors might be in order. I had all the same symptoms and was diagnosed at 16. I'd had it since I was 11 but it took me attempting suicide for anyone to notice. The first treatment they generally try is counselling.

If you don't want to take her to the doctor do the school provide counselling, it sounds as though there's a lot on her mind and it might help to talk about it in confidence with someone?

I have suggested counselling and she is totally against it.

I am sorry you went through that. Thanks for your post. I am hoping she isn't depressed, but I do think seeing our doctor might not be a bad idea. She is just not herself at all.

RebekahR

If she doesn't want to talk to you how about writing you a letter? My mum had a posh expensive notebook and wrote me a letter in it. And because I didn't want to talk to her I wrote back. We communicated via this book during hard times. May work, may not.

Caroline_a

Have you spoken to the school? They will be more used to usual and unusual changes in teenagers, but may also be able to shed some light on the changes you have seen. I've brought up 3 girls and would say that teenage girls are prone to very quick changes from sunny happy girls to sullen morose teenagers, so at this stage it may just be a phase she's going through.

pigpen

How is she at school? Have her teachers noticed anything untoward?

it is a very difficult age.. DD1 was 15 when her dad left, we both started seeing other people, her older brother moved out, one of her close friends committed suicide and she had seen him a few days before and the last thing she said to him was 'so, go kill yourself then' (he had been saying he would for about 3 years so she honestly didn't think he would.. then he did), she lost a friend to cystic fibrosis and another to leukaemia and we lost a few family members .. we had a very rough couple of years!!.. They change so much as they mature some quicker than others and a lot of deep rooted friendships break down.

We looked at 'the future' .. College, work, she saw the counsellor at school for a bit.. they played noughts and crosses and she refused to speak to her..

she was angry when her dad left, she wanted her family back together how it should be and was sad she had to choose between us.. she couldn't see she still had us both. She now refuses to see him. Could DD not see her dad whenever she wanted? Could she go to his for dinner one night after school or to cinema or just round to see him for a bit so he has 1-2-1 time with him?

it is quite normal for teens to be unwakeable.. I have 4 teens.. 2 dead-heads and 2 that are up with the birds...

Foodwise.. get her to help with making meals in an evening.. I found mine opens up more when we are busy. Also I know you are run ragged but could you also spend some 1-2-1 time.. have a girly day.. send xh out with smallfry and spend the day with dd1.. She doesn't know where she fits she just wants everyone to be together and happy.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It is also worth bearing in mind that she could 'just' be ill and this has coincided with a such difficult time for you all.

Teenagers are quite prone to glandular fever, the first symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis, Iron Deficiency Anaemia, any general viruses going round, so some random bug could be laying her low, she might need iron tablets or further physical investigation - so counselling might be completely inappropriate for her, anyway.

A visit to the GP would be useful, if only to eliminate a physical cause for her symptoms. (and this might get her to go, thinking that it could be something fixed by some iron tablets, for example, but gives the GP a chance to assess her mental state at the same time)

Lara44

Hi Daisyfields, sorry to hear you have had a tough year.

I was wondering if you are able to spend much one-to-one time with your daughter? Spending regular activity time just the two of you would at least keep the lines of communication open. Especially if she seems to be cutting herself off from friends. Something where you're on neutral territory, doing something that challenges you both?

It must be a very 'out of control' feeling to realise that your life can be completely changed and there's nothing you can do about it. The richest conversations aren't those where one side decides to 'have a talk' but rather real spontaneous exchanges of understanding.

Would she like to have more responsibility around the house? Is there a project that might invigorate her and build her confidence - what about redecorating her bedroom? Could you do some crafts together to make new things for her new room like cushion covers?

KayJay

Daisyfields, she might be depressed, she might be sad. But she might be ill. I will tell you my daughter's story - she is 15 too. She was very tired and moody in that she was near to tears a lot. I took her to the doctor and she had blood tests - she has a full blood count but a low iron store. We did six months of iron supplements but the tiredness continued. Around this time she started having dreadul back ache and her joints ached. She's doing GCSEs and it was hard to write and her eyes were blurry and she just wanted to sleep all the time. The exhaustion made her cry.

I insisted on a referral because I told the doc that I thought she had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. We saw a Paedaetrician and it is indeed what she has. It's been explained that some medics believe in it and some dont. He does and started her on a programme and she is improving. He said that she would have started with this either following a viral illness (coreect in her case) or a severe stressful situation.

The other thing is - ask to have your daughter blood tested for a thyroid problem. Listless, moody, tired - all signs of a thyroid disorder and there are thousands of undiagnosed people suffering in the UK (I was one of them)

Good luck and hope your girl feels better soon.

daisyfields1

pigpen what age is your daughter now? Just wondered as you said now she refuses to see him. That worries my ex a lot, that she won't want him to be part of her life at all.... but I am not going to blame her for that, he walked out and left both girls and she has said before that she feels betrayed. I spoke to her this morning and she wasn't really interested in talking but agreed to going out to lunch with me next weekend and then watching a film at home while ex takes the young'un out to see a film. She thinks that seeing the GP could be a good idea, she said she is sad 'all of the time'. I will ask the school how she is doing, nothing has been mentioned to me but I don't get on with the head exactly, they have overlooked problems before and punished her for making mistakes.

KayJay that's interesting, thanks. Another reason to see the doctor is to like you said rule out any physical problems.

Thanks everyone.