Brother problem

Tropez

Lucy1973 wrote: »

In her words,she says life's too short.

Yes acc to my mum "life is too short",its also too short to be wasting on people who bring you down and upset you. Right?

Exactly!

I don't speak to half of my family. Love my mum, miss my dad, on cordial terms with some distant relatives - the rest of them... bunch of twisted-minded vultures and my mum knows exactly how I feel about them. I don't get invited to their weddings, christenings etc. and I couldn't care less.

Life is too short to be trying to build bridges with people who only exist in your life because they share a few genetics.

January20

Lucy1973 wrote: »

In her words,she says life's too short and the longer its left,the harder it'll be. She knows what my brother is like and feels I should make the first move. She keeps forgetting I already made the first move and had it slapped back in my face. My husband stands by my desision,he's never liked him either. if my friend had done this,they would have been dropped years ago. Yes acc to my mum "life is too short",its also too short to be wasting on people who bring you down and upset you. Right?

My personal experience of this is that the parents will always go to the softer/ nicer/ better tempered "child" to get him or her to apologise/ build bridges with the other less pleasant child. Your mother is probably scared of your brother's behaviour because she knows what he is like. She knows you are totally different. In fact, I think that she is sending him the message (ie by not telling you about the christening) that his behaviour is acceptable because she is not challenging him like she would challenge you, so why should he change?

The way he was towards you at the funeral is totally unacceptable!

From your OP I don't see why you should apologise to your brother. Indeed he should be the one apologising for not being grateful receiving a present for his child, and for appaling behaviour at a very painful funeral.

I don't speak to my sister. She is not a very pleasant person with me. My parents keep telling me I should do something about it, I should make the first step towards a reconciliation because I'm the eldest! Such a joke as we are all in our forties! Why should I? She was wrong, totally over the top and I don't miss her in my life!

Lucy1973

January20 wrote: »

My personal experience of this is that the parents will always go to the softer/ nicer/ better tempered "child" to get him or her to apologise/ build bridges with the other less pleasant child. Your mother is probably scared of your brother's behaviour because she knows what he is like. She knows you are totally different. In fact, I think that she is sending him the message (ie by not telling you about the christening) that his behaviour is acceptable because she is not challenging him like she would challenge you, so why should he change?

The way he was towards you at the funeral is totally unacceptable!

From your OP I don't see why you should apologise to your brother. Indeed he should be the one apologising for not being grateful receiving a present for his child, and for appaling behaviour at a very painful funeral.

I don't speak to my sister. She is not a very pleasant person with me. My parents keep telling me I should do something about it, I should make the first step towards a reconciliation because I'm the eldest! Such a joke as we are all in our forties! Why should I? She was wrong, totally over the top and I don't miss her in my life!

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes you just cant have certain people in your life and family dont seem to think the same way. Just because they're family,doesn't mean you have to put up with crap IMHO.
I think you have a point re my mum wanting me to make the first move. I've never looked at it that way.

VfM4meplse

You might not like your brother but presumably you love him? Why not try to have a final attempt at clearing the air, surely there's more too it than a text. You could find that someone has been stirring it up in the background.

Spendless

red_devil wrote: »

got huffy cos he got a text for gods sake. Whats wrong with people. Why do they keep complaining because people dont do things exactly how they think they should. Or are they just being nasty for the sake of it. I remember once i wrote my sil a letter and she complained about the paper it was on:rotfl:

My sister once didn't speak to me for 3 years because I had forgotten to add Mr (BIL) on a christmas card envelope addressed to her.
OP- I can only echo what others have said, tell your mum you have made the 1st move you were blanked, the next step comes from your brother.

MERFE

My mum once sent me a letter saying I wasn't welcome home unless I apologised to my sister for the way I'd made her feel. I had absolutely nothing to apologise for. I was at uni at the time so when I finished my degree I went to live with my Dad which probably hurt my mum alot but I didn't do it to hurt her - I had nowhere else to go. Now my mum confides in me what a complete nutcase my sister is.

To the previous poster just because you are related or grew up with someone doesn't mean you have to like or love them. I have no love at all for either of my sisters. My older sister once pulled a knife on me and my younger sister whilst my mum was out for the night and my younger sister who is a complete waste of space has taken to bad mouthing my kids.

January20

Lucy1973 wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes you just cant have certain people in your life and family dont seem to think the same way. Just because they're family,doesn't mean you have to put up with crap IMHO.
I think you have a point re my mum wanting me to make the first move. I've never looked at it that way.

Thank you for this comment but I never look upon it as a sad situation. A while ago I came to the realisation that if my sister was not related to me, she would never be my friend, not even an acquaintance I'd enjoy seeing so...

I hope putting a different slant on things with my comments will help you.

PS: Good grief Merfe!!!! what a family! Poor you!

Lucy1973

VfM4meplse wrote: »

You might not like your brother but presumably you love him? Why not try to have a final attempt at clearing the air, surely there's more too it than a text. You could find that someone has been stirring it up in the background.

No,I dont think I do...too much has happened over the years. We were never close as kids either.

red_devil

some things arent meant to be even if you try and patch things up so much hurt has been caused down the line that it often dosent work out anyway or goes wrong again.