Brother problem

Lucy1973

I posted about this last summer and things still haven't improved. To cut a long story short,i've never been that close to my brother,he is very difficult to get along with,is always having digs at me and my family and is generally quite a nasty piece of work. He had a daughter 2 years ago and things came to a head when his daughter was six weeks old and we gave them a gift of baby gap clothes,which he looked down at his nose on and made it plain obvious she already had enough clothes etc.

I decided that was the final straw. Fast forward one year and my nan dies. Hadnt spoken to my brother since his outburst,but made an effort to try and put our differences aside for that day. He rolled his eyes when I went up to give him a kiss,outside the crematorium and also blanked us at the wake. We ended up leaving early as understandably it was a gard day,made even harder.

Now my mum keeps pressuring me to appologise and make the first move. As far as i'm concerned,i've tried and had it thrown back in my face. I've come to the decision that I dont want him in my life anymore,he makes me too stressed,the comments made under his breath,the attiude etc. How can I make my mum see this without upsetting her??

Thanks for reading x

sassyblue

No you've made the first move now it's down to him if he wants a relationship with you. What's your mums take on this? Why does she think you should apologise?

What was wrong with the baby gap clothes, kids can never have enough clothes? Did he expect something handmade by the Queen of England instead? :rotfl:

LMCD

Tell your mum what you 'suffer/endure' and that you don't want to pursue a relationship with your brother. Your mum has to accept you are both grown adults and what you do and who you talk to is not in her control whether its her kids or not..unfortunately for her...

Lucy1973

sassyblue wrote: »

No you've made the first move now it's down to him if he wants a relationship with you. What's your mums take on this? Why does she think you should apologise?

What was wrong with the baby gap clothes, kids can never have enough clothes? Did he expect something handmade by the Queen of England instead? :rotfl:

In her words,she says life's too short and the longer its left,the harder it'll be. She knows what my brother is like and feels I should make the first move. She keeps forgetting I already made the first move and had it slapped back in my face. My husband stands by my desision,he's never liked him either. if my friend had done this,they would have been dropped years ago. Yes acc to my mum "life is too short",its also too short to be wasting on people who bring you down and upset you. Right?

antw23uk

Tell your mum you love her very much and never want to hurt her BUT you are your own person with your own family and have given your sibling relationship all you can offer right now.

Explain you have to look after yourself and the way he makes you feel makes you feel louzy and has a negative effect on your family and that is not acceptable. So although you will always be his sister and open to a relationship with him you are done making any effort.

Its never easy but you have to look out for yourself and if he is making you feel crap .. well as you said about if it was a friend .. you just wouldnt and shouldnt accept it.

Good luck :beer:

balletshoes

you've made the first move, and what are you supposed to apologise for anyway? I think all you can do is remind your mum when she brings it up, that you did make the first move already, and you were blanked.

Families can be a nightmare, my mum has always said it would hurt her terribly if any of her kids stopped speaking to each other. Because of all the emotion around at a funeral, maybe that day wasn't the best day to attempt it, although I'm sure you meant well. So perhaps one more try with him? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to, but then at least your mum would plainly see you had made the effort.

red_devil

more family crap. You dont have to have your brother in your life if he isnt very nice. Its tough on your mum but it happens. Ask her if she would accept that treatment.

pimento

Has your mum told your brother the same thing?

LMCD

Lucy1973 wrote: »

In her words,she says life's too short and the longer its left,the harder it'll be. She knows what my brother is like and feels I should make the first move. She keeps forgetting I already made the first move and had it slapped back in my face. My husband stands by my desision,he's never liked him either. if my friend had done this,they would have been dropped years ago. Yes acc to my mum "life is too short",its also too short to be wasting on people who bring you down and upset you. Right?

too right!!!!

Lucy1973

pimento wrote: »

Has your mum told your brother the same thing?

I dont know tbh.
Another reason I wanted to finish any relationship with him is 2 years ago I was asked to be my neice's godmother,I agreed happily. The baby was born,and because they live in cornwall,us in London,they have no landline and I tried to call his mobile to say congrats and couldn't get thru,so text him.
He got all huffy because I only sent a text. A few months later,my late nan asked if we were going to the christening. I never got an invitation. Strangely my mum never mentioned the christening date to me either,which really hurt. If it wasnt for my nan,i'd probably still be in the dark

red_devil

Lucy1973 wrote: »

I dont know tbh.
Another reason I wanted to finish any relationship with him is 2 years ago I was asked to be my neice's godmother,I agreed happily. The baby was born,and because they live in cornwall,us in London,they have no landline and I tried to call his mobile to say congrats and couldn't get thru,so text him.
He got all huffy because I only sent a text. A few months later,my late nan asked if we were going to the christening. I never got an invitation. Strangely my mum never mentioned the christening date to me either,which really hurt. If it wasnt for my nan,i'd probably still be in the dark

got huffy cos he got a text for gods sake. Whats wrong with people. Why do they keep complaining because people dont do things exactly how they think they should. Or are they just being nasty for the sake of it. I remember once i wrote my sil a letter and she complained about the paper it was on:rotfl: