not feeling the love

DragonflyCandy

thankyou you for all ur advice and tips im currently growing a thicker skin as we speak heehee:p

niccatw

It's also terribly scary the first time you post. We have taken the biggest leap of faith and have allowed ourselves to be hugely vulnerable, so it's no wonder we get upset if we feel some-one is being harsh or blunt or not understanding our situation. There's only so much of ourselves we can (and want to) give away on a public forum.

As you become stronger and more confident in tackling your debts, some of those blunt responses make more sense to you and you might even agree with them. I know I keep looking back at the SOA I did last yeat and each time I feel there's another thing I'm willing or ready to try that I completely disagreed with at first.

And remember, we have no idea of the situations of the people who have responded to us. They may have learned the hard way just be wanting to stop you from falling as hard. They may like playing devil's advocate. They may have mental health issues. English may not be their first language. They may just be mean. For the most part they are just like you and I and trying their hardest to muddle through.


If you ever feel some-one has been unfairly harsh and hasty and you want a second opinion, pop onto the Notice to Newcomers thread and ask them to take a look. If it's abusive, report it.


Well done on posting and for sticking up for newbies.

DragonflyCandy

thankyou niccatw you make some good points i think i am just a wee bit too sensitive sometimes.
its just when ur getting stress from the bank and from loan companies you want to come on here and talk to someone that understands and maybe give u a wee pat on the back and say everythings ok, im going to be a bit more thick skinned from now on but im going to keep sticking up for us newbies:D

ceejaydee23

thankfully after some nice long afternoon snuggles with my little man asleep on my chest, I'm ready to face the world, when normally i'm just about ready to give in pmsl. and my other half just let me know he's finishing at his normal time of 4.30 and not 5.30 (that extra hour can be such a difference in this household) lol

vasseur

I've had this happen too! It's quite disheartening especially when you posted on a board of likeminded people who you think will be understanding

Onwards and upwards though - the nice ones outweigh the other ones and even the majority of those remarks have probably been taken out of context whilst feeling low.

barbiedoll

I don't think that anyone meant to be rude, it's just the way that they come across in writing. Nearly all of the DFW's are really very nice!

If you want a real scare, try having a look on the "Loans" board, they are really brutal. And they're not too fond of the DFW board, they think that we are all scroungers who are trying to avoid paying our debts :eek:
(Which is not true!!)

FYI, have you seen the site here...

http://www.saynoto0870.com/

It can be very handy, especially if you rely on your mobile to make calls.

mrscmr

i too, posted a thread and had to ask admin to remove it as i felt very exposed and people were assuming certain things about my life that were not true. thanks to the mods the thread was removed.

i think the problem is we feel we should be safe and cosy in the forum but reality is not everyone sees it that way. all we want is some reasurrance, advice and, as you say... some love. we pour out our souls, tell complete strangers every piece of our lives that we wouldnt even tell our best friends...

i have learnt to not be so transparent.
x

CH27

mrscmr wrote: »

i too, posted a thread and had to ask admin to remove it as i felt very exposed and people were assuming certain things about my life that were not true. thanks to the mods the thread was removed.

i think the problem is we feel we should be safe and cosy in the forum but reality is not everyone sees it that way. all we want is some reasurrance, advice and, as you say... some love. we pour out our souls, tell complete strangers every piece of our lives that we wouldnt even tell our best friends...

i have learnt to not be so transparent.
x

I think that is an unrealistic attitude to be honest.
Advice, reassurance & support comes in all shapes, sizes & phrases.

stelly

I love this forum, but sometimes I think the problem is that when you post on here you can be in quite an emotional state tears flowing, head in a mess etc and you can really take the answers posted to heart when there not meant to be nasty.

It's just your feeling fragile and maybe hoping that someone can wave a magic wand which realistically is not going to happen (been guilty of that also :rotfl:).

I also think sometimes you need those blunt answers to make you snap out of it.

I've been told in a thread that I should divorce my OH (he stole a packet of crisps from his work and lost his job) because if he could steal some crisps then god knows what he is doing behind your back and then someone else said it was the same as rape :eek:.

You just take it on the chin, don't let it get to you and carry on posting when you need support, advice or just a moan.


Stelly xx