Cost of counselling?

RAS

GobbledyGook

Not sure of the background exactly, but I did not see one family member voluntarily after the age of 9 and only saw them very occasionally; usually by court order. I did not go to the funeral. I have no rejects about it.

My own experience was that counselling did not help; I spent a lot of time going round and round in circles for a year being really miserable. I could not have done it is I had children to care for; I struggled to work. Some told me that I should try psychotherpay instead. Eventually I plucked up courage. I coudl barely speak at the first "interview" session; but she helped me find my voice. I suppose that encouraged me to try it.

The person I saw was a but eclectic. Personally, I think different therapies can work at different times. Without NLP trauma processes, I would never have be able to deal with the stuff that came out later, but it is not a complete cure in itself, IMO.

You may also find focusing www.focusing.org a good way of working; it is perfectly possible to do very useful work complete content free. Cettainly, that is one of the things that a number of therapies that work offer; content-free stuff. Once the associated emotions are gone, you can talk about it, just doing that at the beginning is very difficult.

celebrate

hi
your gp is your first port of call and most practices these days have an attached practice counsellor who can provide 6 sessions free of charge on the NHS waiting list, might be a waiting list though. If it is a complicated story perhaps book a double appointment with your gp most are rushed for time in only 10minute appointments (believe me he/she will appreciate it)

Remember most counsellors offer "reflective listening" which may not be exactly what ypu want or need, if you feel you just want someone to talk to then a counsellor is a good option.

If you want to analyse your childhood or your thoughts and behaviour their are various psychological technqiues-one is called CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) really good for people who think negatively or who have automatic negative thoughts based on previous experiences eg husband being late home->he is having an affair or walk into a room -> think everyone is talking about me

Most areas in the country have a 2-3 year waiting list to see a psychologist on the nhs, in order to combat this the government has ploughed money into local inintiatives called Improving Access to Psychological Services where mental health workers (mostly nurses) have been trained in delivering CBT, also they can advise on self help and can help you access online CBT programmes you can do from home (one is called "beat the blues")

However if your problem is longstanding and you feel you need one to one with a psychologist for other types of therapy eg psychodynamic, psychotherapy, your gp can also refer you for this as long as you are prepared to wait (usually you get an assessment quite quickly and if you are thought to be suitable you are then put on the v long waiting list).

Most people who have been through break ups or major life events also can feel a little low, in conjucntion with the psychological help you might alos benefit from an antidepressant, these days most are non addcitive and well tolerated.

Of course you can always chop and change what you try

You shouldn't have to pay for it when it is available on the NHS, i once paid for a counselling session and was so mega cheesed off when it was a total waste of time and i was angry that i had wasted my money (£30 for the session) I am very self analytical and didn't just want someone to listen , I wanted someone to help me with strategies on dealing with a pain in the as* husband which she just didn't provide. If you are paying may be worth setting out what YOU want from the counselling from the off.

Good luck whatever you decide , hope all works out for you x

GobbledyGook

I think I'm just at the point now that I'm 'ready' to talk.

When I was younger I had counselling and my grandparents tried to talk to me, but I didn't want too. At the time it was because I felt like I knew it all and I didn't care, but now I have some sort of need to talk about it all.

The questions I have are ones that no-one will ever be able to answer; no-one will be able to tell me why my parents chose drink and drugs over their children, no-one will be able to tell me why my mother said it was 'none of her business' when my father beat my brother and I or left us home alone at a very, very young age, but still I feel the need to get the questions off my chest. I think I mainly need someone to listen to me rant about the unfairness of it all like I think they thought I would when I was a teenager.

I have this gripping fear now of failing my children like my parents failed me. This will scenario and being faced with my father's family getting to know about my children without being able to control it is making me paranoid about letting them down and failing them.

Very random I know. I didn't see it coming - it's all been nicely bottled away for years.

Errata

It does sound like you've reached a point in your life where you feel you want to talk things through. Sometimes, some things just can't be understood and counselling can produce tools which allow one to accept the never being able to understand, and pack it all away as 'job done'
Your fears about your parenting skills are understandable, but perhaps you could concentrate on the fact that you had some very good examples of how not to be a good parent. HTH

puddy

have you read 'toxic parents' that is a very good book as a starting point whilst you're waiting to find someone

joop

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I wouldn't like to call the Samaritans because they are for people who are in desperate need. I'm not in desperate need, I just need to offload and work through some stuff."

You will find that Samaritans will be very happy that you call and offload. They will let you talk about how you feel, they will listen, they will not tell you what you should do and they will not judge you. It's free - 24 hours - try them.

Warmest regards x

BitterAndTwisted

GobbledyGook you will never fail your own children like your parents failed you. You are patently altogether too intelligent and self-aware for that. There is absolutely no risk whatsoever unless you are considering embarking on a life of drink and drugs yourself. No, I thought not.

If you want a listening ear and to hear some very pertinent questions asked of you it sounds to me like you would find a counsellor helpful rather than a full-on psychologist or psychotherapist. You don't appear to be in crisis to me so I doubt that you'd need one of either of thise. You've had some really useful suggestions so far and I hope you follow them up. Counselling can be difficult in the beginning but ultimately very rewarding with the right person.

indsty

If you feel you are ready to engage in the counselling process then I think you should. Ask around as others have advised you - there are many different agencies offering counselling - some better than others, some more expensive than others. Try your GP practice nurse or health visitor for information . A local Womens Aid or something like that, although they may not fit your exact needs, will also be a good place to look for contacts. Where I live we have a voluntary agency where trained counsellors give their time free - all that is asked is a contribution from clients that they feel able to give. Help is out there - and it could change your life for the better.

Scoflo

Errata wrote: »

The BACP website has a list of qualified counsellors by area and an indication of the cost.

I am a counsellor and I would agree to go through BACP for a qualified counsellor.

In Scotland I charge £40 an hour.

ellie101

GobbledyGook, I second what BitterandTwisted says, you are way too self-aware and astute to inflict anything on your kids. You sound great in the way you care for them.

Re. counsellors, I've seen some over the years. Some of them will negotiate over fees e.g they'll do a lower rate if you have debts, commit long-term. And there are various free services as others say (I got free counseling when unemployed by googling).

I was originally referred to sessions through my doctor, got 10 for free. She advised me to get long-term psychotherapy and referred me somewhere. Woman I saw was awful, nasty with it, so if you feel someone not right definitely shop around.

Other people have really helped me over the years. I had psychodynamic, but in the end wanted to move on from that as was fed-up with looking at patterns from past that linked to the present (and my therapist was a total purist, not interested in other methods). I had CBT, but that tended to work on very specific issues for me.

I find now that the person I'm seeing is good, looks at my past but also gets me to focus on the future, uses lots of techniques. She's a hypnotherapist too which I'm finding really helpful. I'm hoping that this is the last person I see though, however I think the reason we get on is that she's upfront, but personable and I feel comfortable with her. I guess it's like any profession, it's finding what's right for you and hunting around.

I hope you find something that's right for you, good luck in getting what you want.