Bloody Husband

Numpty_2

Cheers for that Benood, I may suggest it.

We have talked and he is going to be more open with me about it, I have to be careful because I know I can be quite controlling and so I'm trying to step aside and hope he deals with it, but at the same time I know he is ostrichg like.

For those of you who queried me opening his post - he is well aware I do it, he opens mine too, the only time it ever becomes an issue between us is when he is trying to hide something (we have been in this circle before)

southernscouser

Numpty wrote:

Bloody Husband!

Thought this was gonna be a tale of you hitting him with a frying pan!

CFC

Possibly you're quite controlling BECAUSE he needs to be controlled? Has he considered that?

In the pursuit of self-protection, you've got a right to try to control issues - he's behaving like a teenager who needs telling what to do!

*Louise*

I think you were right to open his statement, particularly since you were worried about his debt and wanted to help him.

Ihave no qualms about opening OH's bank or credit card statements, and I am happy for him to open mine if he cares to.

Two people in a relationship should be capable of being open and honest with each other.

robnye

my wife always says..... whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine also.....

saves a lot of arguments.....

Numpty_2

southernscouser wrote:

Thought this was gonna be a tale of you hitting him with a frying pan!

That would mean we'd have to know where the frying pan is!

Thanks for the support last night, we glossed over it last night, but I did get a nice email from him this morning explaining a bit, and I explained what I wanted to. It's trying to make him realise that his debt and mine are intertwined, especially since in a few years we want to be in a position to have children, at the moment there is no chance of that happening given our financial situation.

lynzpower

CFC wrote:

Possibly you're quite controlling BECAUSE he needs to be controlled? Has he considered that?

In the pursuit of self-protection, you've got a right to try to control issues - he's behaving like a teenager who needs telling what to do!

:eek: :eek: If A man on here said that about his wife- there would be uproar & quite rightly!!!

NO one needs to be controlled by anyone else!! What he does with his money is risky yes, probably not the most sensible, but the end of the day his choice & human rights.

Maybe he just doesnt want to be a moneysaver- penty of people dont

Numpty_2

I agree entirely Lynzpower - as I said I have a tendancy to be controlling, not that I want to control him (but being me will invariably end up doing that!), but my main upset here was the lies. He knows I am trying to sort out my debts and also that I have lots left over that I'm throwing at credit cards - but if it was better served assisting him to pay back some of his debts then I'd do that, he knows this, he's accepted this, but said there was no issue. I see them as our debts - many of his he incurred for me by moving nearer me, supporting me in my masters etc, and as he reminds me off this on occasions, do you think I should be given the ability to help???

And it's not just money saving, I see this month as money thrown away - however we've started sorting it now.

pollyanna24

My bf sees me as terribly controlling over money. We've had a joint account for years, but he's terrible. He sees what he has in the bank and forgets that he may have bills coming out of it.

After months of nagging :rolleyes:, he agreed to merge everything with me. Now we jointly pay off his credit cards and he's not allowed to get any more. It's annoying that said debt in my signature is all his (as I worked very hard to get rid of mine), but if I don't do it, it will get worse.

He still doesn't like me having control. Everything bill like is paid out of joint acc now and we have "pin" money to do what we want with. So now what is in his bank, is his, and if he spends it too early, that's his problem. He is getting a lot better now, so I have to give him some credit, I suppose. And I'm also not allowed to tell people this is what we do, as he sounds like a man from the 50s handing over his wages each month. :rotfl:

CFC

If a man said that about his wife and it was true, well I was brought up to tell the truth and shame the devil. I wouldn't think it was terrible. Some people do behave in a very adolescent manner.

Often men accuse women of being controlling and/or nagging simply because a lot of males are irresponsible. I have to say that when I've been part of a group of women getting together and talking about our males, I dont too often hear the girlies being that complimentary.

I suppose I see it this way, Lynzpower - if someone wants to do exactly what they want and run up debts, that's fine, doesn't bother me, providing they have not intertwined themselves financially with me.

But generally one finds out about those situations AFTER you've got financially intertwined, or they tell you that they've changed and after it's too late you find that isn't true, or you get told some other such gubbins.

So personally I think that it's fine to control another person in the pursuit of self-protection. If you're with someone, sometimes you need to protect yourself from that other person laying waste to your joint future or present.

We're not talking about being MSE, or choosing to not to save, we're talking about building up debts.

I don't go much for human rights either. Isn't that the one where yobbos can do what they want on the streets, and prisoners can sue the Gov't for issues arising out of being imprisoned? And you can't stop prisoners taking drugs? Ah, yes. So it is. We'll have to agree to differ.