Just some thoughts

Norfolk_Jim

Wow, there seems to be so many people on here these days, it's quite frightening really and might get worse - who am I kidding? Might?
I've fallen ill today and not gone to work - I think it is largely down to stress and worry, I'm sure these two things reduce our ability to stay healthy. There are times I can worry for England.
This week I have been mostly worry gutting about redundancy - the dreaded "What if". I've been fighting with my energy provider. My wife has found out that on top of her other conditions she now has a heart problem. The school is prosecuting me because my sons attendance has fellen below their allowed limits. I'm falling behind at work, not meeting my targets - its like a vicious circle. You worry about the dreaded R word, which is a real fear for me because of my health hisory and age - and then put myself even more in the firing line by getting sick.
The wife asked me after the Dr told her she had to go to the heart specialist pronto - did I love her more than the insurance money I'd get if she died - and I had to tell her (as well as the right answer) that I'd stopped paying the life insurance ages ago.
I feel on the brink again - like I did before my last breakdown - it just sort of paralises you.
I find myself both helped here and depressed here.
Helped because people are kind and supportive, helped because you see you are not alone, helped because you read the story of those who are in as deep as you and get by and get out of it - and depressed because austerity seems to be the only game in town - its all about giving up everything for X years and paying every penny off debts.
I think its necessary to make a fight of it - to put the austerity in context - like going to war - its not deprivation, its part of your strategy to win. To that end I find the money saving OS board to also be a positive place with a lot of creative ideas for making one old carrot and a mouldy piece of cheese feed a family of 4 for 3 days. Honestly, It beggars belief how much they can screw out of 1 small oven ready chicken.
A couple of weeks ago I stopped at a lonely rural station and waited for the express that does not stop there. I ate my sandwich and contemplated jumping in front of the train. The train came, I stood up and went to the edge, then it went passed me and I sat down again. I dont want to end it all but I do want to run away, far far away - its classic fight or flight, a response to stress.
I'm determined to hang on in there for now. If I can just get my kids to adulthood I feel I'll have better options - maybe sell the house and there might still be equity in it - if the house price crash does not come - then there might be some more options - I just have to hang on a bit longer.
My son is asking me for clothes. I dont have any money for clothes. I don't dare to borrow any more money.
Financial institutions still want to lend me money - they offer it to me all the time. Sometimes I'm tempted to take it - live happy for the next few years then go bankrupt / die / run away abroad.
How do you people on minimum wages live?
Just the musings of my tortured mind. How I wish I could be like the people who just dont care - who live for each day and worry about things when they happen, not worry about things that might never happen.
I had hoped Mrs Jim would get a job soon - now we have no idea how serious her heart will turn out to be. People say its only money and they are right, it is only money, but in our country its the driving force, its all about money.
When I was in Malawi the people there were very poor, they lived a subsisitance life and suffered greatly, yet they were full of joy. Why is this country so very, very, miserable?
Good luck to everyone else out there - if I get any good ideas I'll be sure to share them with you - I've a feeling there will be a lot of people needing you good folks help & support over the next few years.

CH27

Oh Jim I don't know what to say apart from wishing you & your family all the best things like health & happiness.

glittermonster

Just read your post and didn't wanna read and run!

Small steps hope things get brighter soon.

sickasachip13

Oh Norfolk_Jim, I *really* hope things start improving for you and your family soon. The absolute best of luck.

bugslet

Not much useful I can say Jim, but I take it you have seen your doc about the stress and depression. If not, go and see him/her and don't be afraid to accept help, it's what you've been paying for all these years. Have you ever tried some of the meditation techniques - honestly,d on't knock it till you've tried it. People that can do it swear that it helps calm their minds and takes the edge off worries.

joeblack066

**HUGS** Jim. Debs.

Fotojenics

Hi Norfolk _Jim

I am so sorry for the situation you are in but please dont give up - your wife and kids need you NOW.

Unforuntetally i am not an expert but please keep reading through the various threads there is so much support and guidance you can get on here to help you through the bleak times.

If you put up your SOA state of affairs someone will be able to give you more advice.

If you want to Personal message me - i am a good listener and sometimes it can help to speak with someone you dont know or know your family

beanielou

Keep plodding!
Hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon & yes I agree that constantly worrying about money is draining.
Take care.

RedTulip

Hi Jim, read your post and had to post a message. I hope things turn round for you soon, and I hope your wife is ok. Sending lots of love your way, take care x

RAS

Hi Jim

Wish things are better. Did you go to the docs with your wife? Any idea what concerned him?

With respect to work, yep know it, feel it, am there too at the mo, but I do not have your responsibilities. However I have put it in the "nothing I can do at the mo pile" because at the moment, there is no way of knowing what the situation will be in a year's time and worrying about it is not going to affect the outcome.

How long before your youngest leaves school?

j.e.j.

I'm not a regular poster here but i didn't want to read and run.

Norfolk Jim is there anyone else you can talk to about things? Is there any sort of community where you are, or have you got any friends or family nearby? The worst thing here is feeling isolated. (This is why people in less well-off countries seem to be happier than we are.) It *is* horrible the way things are at the moment, and it's concerning that you're living in constant state of stress and fear.

Some people have recommended things like meditation, etc which might help you, or if you have a sympathetic GP why not talk with him/her. You never know they may be able to help.