Not sure how to do this ....

poly1

I am not really sure I am posting this in the right place or even what question I am asking maybe it is just a release to put it down. In December I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer and treatment was started really quickly (chemo on Christmas eve!) so I had a really shocking end to the year. I didn't really have time to think anything out or deal with things and everything just sort of passed me by in a whirlwind. Recently though I have been trying to 'organise' myself a bit better because I wont be finished with any treatment for at least a year. Financially I realise i will end up in a bit of a 'hole', SSP only lasts til July and therefore so does my WTC, I will in no way be able to work then because I have surgery in July and then more treatment after.
I don't have much money put away because we have just spent the last year rebuilding our entire house and put our money in that (theres me thinking that at least if I spend it now I can save after for when I am older!).
Then I worry so much about my children, I have two DDs one nearly 5 and the other nearly 13. The 4 year old is fine and copes well but the other doesn't as she understands everything going on and its hard. Also I have to have radiotherapy everyday after my surgery which will be for approx the whole of august - school holidays. I can't take the kids with me and have been told in no uncertain terms that I cannot drive myself, so what do I do with the kids. Neither of us has family and I couldn't afford a holiday club.
Sorry if I have gone on and not made much sense.

pigpen

A child minder should be able to take the younger child and could the older one ask a close friend if she can sit there a few hours or would she be ok left alone for a few hours? You need to get that in place now thoughor could you get hospital transport or a friend to drive you and OH/hubby/friend watch the girls?

Have you looked into being able to claim DLA/ESA/Attendance allowance? if you get ESA you can also get hospital travel paid for.

I hope your recovery goes well. I can understand how your older girl must be terrified and need lots of reassuring it must be a frightening time for you all.

Nicki

I am very sorry. What a horrible thing to happen.

All I can think of is whether or not your children might get a funded place on a holiday club in the circumstances? It might be more difficult this year with all the cuts in place, but must be worth asking. Do either of your children's schools have a parent liaision officer who could help sort that out? Otherwise do you have a group of friends who might rally round and do a day a week each? It's not the same thing at all I know but when I had my last c section I was really surprised by the number of people who offered to set up a rota to pick up and collect my child from school until I was allowed to drive again, and not all of them were people I'd have considered at the time to be close friends, though closer now obviously! In times of crisis, people do tend to rally round though.

newmee

I have nothing useful to add but just wanted to offer my heartfelt sympathy. What a truly horrible situation to find yourself in. I hope someone comes along that can help you sort this out. The Macmillan advert always says they can be there for advice on the phone for all things, medical, financial, support. Have you tried them for advice?

RAS

Hi

Hospices are for people with life threatening illnesses, and are used to working with children in families under this sort of stress.

You may not feel the need for many of their services but they could provide advice on handling the situation with your elder daughter, refer you to people who can help with the children over the summer and will know where to get help regarding travel etc. I would expect the hsopital to provide transport if you cannot drive and public transport is not an option, by the way

gingin_2

I agree with Nicki,, you'd be surprised how much people might want to help. What about some of the mums at school? I'd happily offer to look after any of the kids in DD's class and siblings if I knew another mother was going through this and I know other Mums would pull together and make up a rota too. If you weren't confident enough to ask yourself do you have a mum friend that can spread the word, or the teacher, or class rep?

Amanda65

I really sorry to hear what you're going through.

There may be an occupational benevolent fund who could step in and help out with some of the extra costs you are incurring. If you go to https://www.turn2us.org you can search for charities that can offer help based on yours (of OH's) occupation, the area you live in, religion, illness etc. My top tip would be to type your occupation into the seach engine then click on the 'Database of grant making charities' (my own particular fund doesn't come up in the occupation drop downs but does exist!) Alternatively you can call the Turn2Us helpline and they will search on your behalf.

If you get stuck, pm me some details and I'll be happy to let you know of anyone I think you could approach.

Also I found this on a quick search http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/When-Your-Parent-Has-Cancer.pdf

Good luck xx

Errata

So sorry to read your rotten news. Your dedicated breast cancer nurse and your Macmillan nurse will be able to help you in various ways - especially the Macmillan nurse. If you haven't been referred to one, ask your GP to refer you as a matter of urgency. HTH

castleton

Just sending you a hug.My daughter was in a similar position at the same time. I would say contact Macmilan , they are incredible and can provide help in areas from financial advce to emotional support for you and your relatives.
Love to you all.Thinking of you

EllaKeat

I don't post very often these days, but just wanted to give you a virtual hug:)
I was in exactly the same place as you 4 years ago, diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. I won't go into all the gory details on here, but had 2 years of great adventure! The point is, I am still here, and ready and willing to give you chapter and verse, advice and support, if you want it - just pm me, day or night;)

Take care

xx

Counting_Pennies_2

I am so sorry to hear your news. I do hope the treatment is swift without too many side affects.

On the practical side of things, my DS came home from school this week with a Kings Camp leaflet, and there was a hardship fund leaflet attached to it.

I threw it out because it wasn't relevant to me, but I can't think of a better time to apply for such a thing. I have found the following link.
http://www.kingscamps.org/supportingfamilies.aspx

How well do you know your DD's friends parents? Perhaps have a chat with them and ask if they might be able to have your DD over to play one day a week in the holidays. You only need five to step up to it. If you don't know them well, I wonder if it is possible to contact the class rep in your DD's class and ask if it might be possible for some parents to help out. It is amazing how people step up to the challenge when they know help is needed. People bob around in their little bubbles unaware of the help people need.

Contact Homestart, and they can arrange for someone to come 2 hours a week to help you at home. I think it is up to the age of 5, but there are special circumstances.

Have you tried contacting the relevant charities related to your condition, I am sure they have many tips on what facilities are out there.

The very best of luck with everything

Take care