OMG-cant believe his nerve!!

FatVonD

Shoot me down in flames but I don't agree with kids going off to the other parent's house midweek, kids need routine, if he wants them for longer maybe he could pick them up on Friday night or earlier on Saturday.

Stay strong and enjoy him realising what a mug he's been (we're all human ) but don't consider letting him turn the tables by having him back. I'd steer clear of doing or saying anything to his g/f, she may be a lovely person and she'll be spending time with your kids (so for your own sanity it's best to hope that she is), do everything you can to forge a good relationship with her

joeblack066

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Does he want the extra contact to reduce his CSA payments?

My thoughts exactly!

zoesmummy_2006

at the min i get no csa from him as he's just started working again so fingers crossed that will start soon.

with regards to the weekend, he was having them fri-sun every weekend and my daughter was getting upset at never having much time with me. she's soooo tired with school when she gets home in an evening she has tea, has half hr play bath then bed by 6.30/7. and i was getting upset with him having them every weekend. am hoping that the sat avo-mon morn and the one night every other week will be ok, but i have told him that if the kids are at all unhappy then it will stop. He knows ive seen a solicitor with regards to access, they said every other weekend and one night in the week the weekend he hasnt got them. but the kids love their dad and i wont deny them time with them, so have my fingers crossed this works. He doesnt however know about the divorce yet, not properly anyway. have told him i was going to look into it, but he doesnt know ive started proceedings.
i have to much self respect now to be second best to anyone and i deserve far better than him. looking back i was a single parent long before he left me.

barbiedoll

Either that or the gf has lost interest in his *charms* and he's looking for a bit of female comfort! :rotfl::rotfl:

OP, it's true what they say, what goes around, comes around. You have rebuilt your life and he's just getting into a bigger and more expensive mess with his. It's hard to switch off your feelings, I know but have a little cry if you need to, get it out of your system and then look forward. He's a waste of space and you know it.

I like the letter idea, I bet you was very tempted to post it. A lesser woman than you would have done so that's for sure! He's very lucky to have an ex like you.
(If new gf finds out what he's been saying, he won't need the snip! :eek:)

Emmzi

your kids are pretty much past waking in the night and messy nappies and have wee personalities, yes?

new kid will be demanding and hard to take and part of the reason why he left you was that...

he's having new dad panic and being an !!!!.

I'd stick with weekend visits to give the kids a routine and not let him over the threshold.

And it's time to get yourself a decent man - Saturday nights out please missus! You won't meet one lurking in the house...

zoesmummy_2006

I'd steer clear of doing or saying anything to his g/f, she may be a lovely person and she'll be spending time with your kids (so for your own sanity it's best to hope that she is), do everything you can to forge a good relationship with her [/QUOTE]


she wont even meet me/speak to me. i said when he started seeing her that i wanted to at least meet her the once before she started spending time with my kids, as i knew she had a reputation from her exes, one of them being ex husbands friend! i dont particularly like her, have never liked her, my son came home calling everyone 'poo head' the other week and when i asked where he'd learnt that from my daughter piped up that the gf had taught him it that day!!! thing is at end of the day her child is gonna be my kids sister for the rest of their life.

izzybusy23

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

Long story short my husband walked out in sept 2009 month after our ds turned 1. The usual "im not happy/ i dont love you/ iwant to find myself again/ i need some time for me on my own etc etc, blah blah blah! Naturally at the time i was devastated, totally heartbroken, we'd been together 9 yrs, married 4 and had 2 kids. I suspected someone else and was proved right within matter weeks. That ended n i knew who hed'd go with next-again i was right, hes still with her now over a year on.

At the time i did all the usual beg and plead and cry non stop, but i eventually picked myself up, and rebuilt a life for myself n the kids and we're happy and settled now. Im back to pre kids size 10 n feel good about myself though dont have the confidence to start a new relationship myself yet, not found that someone.

Just before xmas my cousin who was pg told me she saw ex with girlfriend at maternity unit when she was having a scan. Told me gfs name so was def them, plus she knows my ex. I spent the entire xmas/new year waiting for him to announce pregnancy-this is a guy who ive had to get csa on case with as no money has been forthcoming for our 2 since he left as he 'has no money'. If he has money to support new baby he can support the 2 he already has!

He finally announced the baby back in jan, came to see kids one night n followed me into kitchen when i went to do their tea & said "im gonna be a daddy again", told him i already knew n that my cousin told me weeks ago, childish but felt good lol! Then he said "well you know its not what i wanted". Just ignored that cos i was close to losing my temper.

Fast forward to tonight. Hes come to see the kids for an hr, stayed til bedtime n put them to bed, which didnt help as poor dd got upset at daddy having to go, but he makes it worse "i wish i could stay"
Then he starts trying to talk to me, he has them sat avo to mon morn now, he drops my son to me first, then takes daughter to school before work. He now wants them a night in week too-have agreed to every other week on that cos i dont think its fair to drag them over to his on school night, theyll get there maybe have an hr before bed, get up get ready n in car to go again in morning, but if theyre ok with it i will go along with it for now.

Anyways he then starts on with how leaving me was the biggest mistake of his life, he regretts it everyday now, wishes he could turn back the clock etc etc, n then told me to pyt myself in his shoes with regards to not seeing kids everyday-told him i couldnt cos i wouldnt have walked away, our marriage vows were for life to me.
I
I have no feelings for him that way anymore, they went when he chose her over me n our family. It hurts to know hes having another baby as he was adamant after ds was born he wanted no more despite me wanting more, to the point he went to docs to see bout snip-they wouldnt til ds turned 1. Ive started divorce proceedings, theres no going back now, i could have forgiven the 2 other women maybe, well i'd have tried, but another child with someone else is too much for me. I just cant believe he had the nerve to say all he did tonight, no way would his gf know any of this. Told ny cousin n she said good! That after everythin hes put me and kids through for his selfishness, shes glad hes unhappy. A part of me is too, again childish i know, but really its this new baby i feel sorry for. She didnt ask to be born into this, n i suspect he'll leave gf somewhere down the line, and she wont be anywhere near as nice or accomodating (soft n muggish!) as ive been.

Therapy wise, to get it all off my chest i wrote her a letter detailing all he said tonight-dont worry it wont be posted (tempted as i was for a min lol) i burnt it after writing it! Hes either incredibly brave or incredibly foolish to think he can say all that to me know, just not sure which yet!

Blimey hun! Me and you almost have identical situations here. Ex left in February 2010 after I had suspicions he was seeing a girl at work, they both vehmently denied it and put me through so much stress and carp that it made me ill. Over the course of last year he started hinting he was with this girl but was clearly unhappy and asked to come home twice, once in May and again in August.. both times I said ok but he had to prove himself to me before I would allow him to move back in but he messed up time and time again. Fast forward to Jan this year, he was making noises about how unhappy he was, how much he still loved me, has made the biggest mistake of his life and only lives for our DD.. after a couple of weeks of getting on ok he asked us to try yet again. As DD really wanted her family back together again I said yes, partly for her sake but also for mine as I still had feelings for him. He was over the moon, suggesting we renew our vows, take a honeymoon to New York, was planning on what we could do over the summer holidays etc; then says as we want to start afresh with no secrets he has a holiday booked with the girl he is living with and can't get out of it but doesn't want to go. I hit the roof and say he's having a laugh if he thinks he can still go on holiday with her and want us to try at our marriage again. Long story short he told her he didn't want to go on holiday with her and didn't want to be with her anymore, she phoned me up and annouced she was pregnant... to say that tore my heart in two was an understatement. He had been telling me for weeks our DD was the only person he was living for and all that time knew the other woman was pregnant... god knows when he thought he was going to tell me about this suprise baby. I was hurt, gutted, shocked.. everything you could possibly feel. Since the end of Jan he has gone into hiding, not sure if he is still with this other woman, hasn't see our DD for nearly six weeks, hasn't paid me any child support and has stopped paying a loan that he said he would take ownership of when we split up last year. It feels like I am being punished for him making such a mistake of his life. In fact I've just been signed off work again because I am struggling financially and emotionally; I still can't get my head around all the lies and deceit and the fact he thought he could play around with so many people's lives and emotions. I was getting on ok last year; getting my life back on track but this latest lot of revelations and messing with my head has set me right back again.

Sorry, for the long reply! Just wanted to say our situations are a bit parallel.. if you need a rant then PM me because I so know what you are going through and probably feeling x

belfastgirl23

Tell you what though, both OP and izzy. You thought you were losing out when your husbands left you and thought that 'the other woman' was getting the better part of the deal. Well you are both incredibly lucky ladies IMHO - you could have wasted more of your lives on these losers than you already have. Can you imagine being the new lady, being pregnant, knowing he's already left one wife and kids. Believe me, your hardest times have already passed, it's all going to get better from here on in. Their pain is only starting!

izzybusy23

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Tell you what though, both OP and izzy. You thought you were losing out when your husbands left you and thought that 'the other woman' was getting the better part of the deal. Well you are both incredibly lucky ladies IMHO - you could have wasted more of your lives on these losers than you already have. Can you imagine being the new lady, being pregnant, knowing he's already left one wife and kids. Believe me, your hardest times have already passed, it's all going to get better from here on in. Their pain is only starting!

Thank you for this. I know deep down its a very lucky escape for the 2nd time. His current g/f can't feel too good about herself knowing she is actually 2nd best and my ex's patience when my DD was a toddler was non existent; he was really quite vile to her at times so can only imagine how he is going to be stuck in a relationship with a woman he doesn't really want, with a newborn baby squawking day and night.

Zoesmummy; at least one thing your ex is doing is still stepping up to the plate and seeing your children; god knows when my DD will see her dad again; but knowing his underhand ways I'll probably have a solicitors letter plop thorugh the door with a contact order or something in it. I hope your CSA sorts out soon; I've just had to get my MP involved with my case as the CSA seem to be on my bloody ex's side by keep giving him chance after chance to pay voluntarily rather than going for a DEO... we will get there eventually x

Loz01

Gawd, its a bit late NOW for him to turn around and say he regrets it!! :eek: He should've thought of that and used protection and not got someone else pregnant - MEN!

You're much better off now without him, dont be tempted back down that trodden path, seems like too much water under the bridge! Stay friends for the kids but you sound like you've got enough sense to realise getting back together with him would be a stupid decision.

Dont forget how well you're doing on your own now and how you've sorted your life out, you dont need him anymore. Good luck!!! x