OMG-cant believe his nerve!!

zoesmummy_2006

Long story short my husband walked out in sept 2009 month after our ds turned 1. The usual "im not happy/ i dont love you/ iwant to find myself again/ i need some time for me on my own etc etc, blah blah blah! Naturally at the time i was devastated, totally heartbroken, we'd been together 9 yrs, married 4 and had 2 kids. I suspected someone else and was proved right within matter weeks. That ended n i knew who hed'd go with next-again i was right, hes still with her now over a year on.

At the time i did all the usual beg and plead and cry non stop, but i eventually picked myself up, and rebuilt a life for myself n the kids and we're happy and settled now. Im back to pre kids size 10 n feel good about myself though dont have the confidence to start a new relationship myself yet, not found that someone.

Just before xmas my cousin who was pg told me she saw ex with girlfriend at maternity unit when she was having a scan. Told me gfs name so was def them, plus she knows my ex. I spent the entire xmas/new year waiting for him to announce pregnancy-this is a guy who ive had to get csa on case with as no money has been forthcoming for our 2 since he left as he 'has no money'. If he has money to support new baby he can support the 2 he already has!

He finally announced the baby back in jan, came to see kids one night n followed me into kitchen when i went to do their tea & said "im gonna be a daddy again", told him i already knew n that my cousin told me weeks ago, childish but felt good lol! Then he said "well you know its not what i wanted". Just ignored that cos i was close to losing my temper.

Fast forward to tonight. Hes come to see the kids for an hr, stayed til bedtime n put them to bed, which didnt help as poor dd got upset at daddy having to go, but he makes it worse "i wish i could stay"
Then he starts trying to talk to me, he has them sat avo to mon morn now, he drops my son to me first, then takes daughter to school before work. He now wants them a night in week too-have agreed to every other week on that cos i dont think its fair to drag them over to his on school night, theyll get there maybe have an hr before bed, get up get ready n in car to go again in morning, but if theyre ok with it i will go along with it for now.

Anyways he then starts on with how leaving me was the biggest mistake of his life, he regretts it everyday now, wishes he could turn back the clock etc etc, n then told me to pyt myself in his shoes with regards to not seeing kids everyday-told him i couldnt cos i wouldnt have walked away, our marriage vows were for life to me.
I
I have no feelings for him that way anymore, they went when he chose her over me n our family. It hurts to know hes having another baby as he was adamant after ds was born he wanted no more despite me wanting more, to the point he went to docs to see bout snip-they wouldnt til ds turned 1. Ive started divorce proceedings, theres no going back now, i could have forgiven the 2 other women maybe, well i'd have tried, but another child with someone else is too much for me. I just cant believe he had the nerve to say all he did tonight, no way would his gf know any of this. Told ny cousin n she said good! That after everythin hes put me and kids through for his selfishness, shes glad hes unhappy. A part of me is too, again childish i know, but really its this new baby i feel sorry for. She didnt ask to be born into this, n i suspect he'll leave gf somewhere down the line, and she wont be anywhere near as nice or accomodating (soft n muggish!) as ive been.

Therapy wise, to get it all off my chest i wrote her a letter detailing all he said tonight-dont worry it wont be posted (tempted as i was for a min lol) i burnt it after writing it! Hes either incredibly brave or incredibly foolish to think he can say all that to me know, just not sure which yet!

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

I'm sorry but this is very difficult to read.

Could you edit it and put into paragraphs and take out the text speak?:)

Spendless

zoesmummy _It's natural to feel upset about your ex, having another baby. It must bring back a lot of unhappy memories, about him leaving when your youngest wasn't very old, as well as him enquiring about the snip when he was with you.

For him though, sounds like you are so much better off with him not in your life anymore.

zoesmummy_2006

Sorry, have edited it as best i can, my apologies for lack of paragraphs, i thought i'd put them in iniatially, am on my phone as i couldnt be bothered to load up my pc lol! Am.paying for being awake at stupid o'clock now sooo tired! Damn that man giving me sleepless nights again! X

balletshoes

Its just words, as you said yourself he made the decision, yes, he did pick someone else over you, he did that consciously and willingly.

If he's regretting it now, tough. You've moved on, you don't need or want him in your life as your partner anymore. I would feel sorry for his new child too, as I think you're possibly right, he won't be there for her in the future.

I think you're doing a great job of dealing with being seperated and accommodating your ex with when he sees/has his children.

Don't let him give you any more sleepless nights, he made his choices, he has to live with them.

Debicj

Forget him! You are doing well and things usually have a way of turning out for the best. I bet that in a few years time you will be with another man who is right for you and you will wonder what you ever saw in your ex.

I've been where you are and struggled for over a year to work things out with a man who wanted to stay then wanted other women, then wanted to come back. Some men only want what they can't have! 12 years on, I have been married to a lovely man for 3 years and I have a really good life. I never thought it would be like this but I'm so happy now.

He is trying to play games with you - DON'T LET HIM.

As others have said, he has to live with his choices. You are no longer responsible for him.

Good luck!:)

Wilma33

Don't let him hang around at the kids bedtimes as he sounds like he is only doing it to talk to you afterwards and it's just upsetting/annoying you (and DD). He sees them some nights so he can do bedtime with them then at his house. When he returns the kids to your house, ask him to just drop them off and leave (obviously he can quickly discuss anything relating to your children). You don't need him hanging around your house. It's doing nobody any favours.

busiscoming2

You are obviously still very angry with him and justifiably so. I wouldn't have him in my house either especially now in the light of him wanting the children an extra evening in the week, in my mind it is the perfect time to tell him he will just be collecting and leaving the children at the door now.

Any

Zoesmummy you are obviously very strong woman.
Dealing with everything so well. Good on you!!

Mum-2-Be

Dunno what you have till you've lost it eh?

I would set some rules down and as another poster said no hanging about till kids go to bed, just weird!
If he is unhappy it isnt your problem, he now has another kid on the way he needs to take responsibilty for.
Let him drown his own sorrows

gratefulforhelp_2

Does he want the extra contact to reduce his CSA payments?