Mini Rant if you dont mind

sashadesade

Everyone would feel shocked if they knew you felt you'd let them down. They don't feel that way at all, no doubt they're just very sad for you. There's nothing you could have done differently, so please stop blaming yourself. Life is very unfair sometimes.

heretolearn_2

Gucci,

you can't blame yourself, you might as well blame the weather, the prime minister, the bloke next door's dog, or the man on the moon. Sadly, these things just happen sometimes. Beating yourself up over is a natural reaction but one you've got to get under control now, and move on.

Most women who have a miscarriage go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies. Think about your future. OF course, this doesn't replace the little one you lost, but you can't torture yourself over this. You need to grieve, but that doesn't mean you blame yourself.

a friend of mine had a miscarriage, then went on to have two little boys and a little girl. She still says she has had 4 children but lost one, and her first baby has a name and is still loved by them, he/she just wasn't able to join us all here. This lost baby is still one of your children, you'll never forget him/her, don't feel that by moving on you are dismissing him/her in any way. Life must go on.

carolineb23

I really feel your pain gucciprincess, I have been in that place, and to a large degree I still am. I lost my much wanted first baby through ectopic pregnancy last year and I haven't been able to deal with it. I didn't really grieve at the time, and it was only when everyone around me started getting pregnant that I realised I couldn't cope. They all had what had been taken away from me and I hated them because it felt like they had stolen from me and pushed me to the back of the queue. I had people deal with it so badly, friends who kept insisting we came to their wedding party where they would be announcing their pregnancy, relatives keeping it from us until a couple of weeks before christmas where we were told they were 31 weeks along...
All I could think about for months was getting pregnant again. I felt a complete failure and spiralled into depression because not only had I lost my baby, but I had lost my friends as they were all pregnant and the thought of being around a pregnant person had me in tears. No one understood because they didn't recognise the loss I had suffered, and I felt very much blamed for not being able to face my pregnant friends. It put a huge strain on my marriage because my husband couldn't do anything to help me, and he inadvertantly made me feel so bad for reacting the way I did simply because he was able to deal with it better.
I started counselling and while it helped a little, I was soon dealt another blow which sent me spiralling back down again. I probably should have kept up with the counselling but rather than making regular appointments, she wanted me to call her when I felt I needed to talk and this didn't work for me because I needed the structure of regular appointments. However, if I had kept it up, I think it would really have helped, so I think you're taking a very positive step by looking into it.
I am currently a few weeks pregnant, but sadly, it's not been the automatic fix I thought it might. I still can't face my friend who is 8 months pregnant. I am convinced something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy, and I am currently looking into counselling for antenatal depression. I am certainly a lot better than I was several months ago, so I think there must be some truth in the saying time's a healer.
I hope you manage to turn see some light at the end of the tunnel soon, talking to someone about it is a really good way forward. There are also many internet support groups which you might find of some use. I'm not sure on the miscarriage specific ones I'm sorry, but if you have a look on the link pigpen has put up to the miscarriage support thread, I'm sure there will be some more info there.
A keepsake box is a really good idea, also make sure you allow yourself time to think about your baby, if you are at home, in a safe environment, don't bottle it up. You do need to grieve for your lost little one. If you start to feel overwhelmed while at work, or out in public, try to think of a happy memory or carry an object which makes you think of a good time in your life. You may fine this helps you to control your feelings a little more, I know it helped with me. Writing your feelings down in a diary is perhaps something else to try.
Take care
xx

iceicebaby

I have never lost a baby so I really cant say I know how you feel and I wont pretend to know either. However, starting this thread is a good start. Keep posting on here if it helps. There are many women here who have been through what you have and can help. Also the M/C thread as previously linked too may help you too.

Gucci_Princess

Thanks for all your replies. Thank you for allowing me to vent im felling better today and i am going to look into every thing that has been said and see what works best for me xx

jcr16

hun, i can so understand how your feeling. hubby and i lost our first baby 4th nov 2002. i cried and cried and yet i felt so numb. but also it felt kinda sureal. the day i came back from hostipal we started trying , i found out i was preg feb 14th 03. the whole time i was preg i kept thinking why did it happen, what did i do. but it doesn't matter how many times someone says it not ur fault u can't help but get these feeling's.

ok so it 9 yrs since we lost, and the pain has eased a bit, but i still cry . she is part of or lives as i think about her every day. she is my angel in the sky the brightest star that shines at night. my children know i lost a baby ( my eldest more than the younger two ) and she won't ever be forgetton. i don't know if theres a heaven or not, but in my mind knowing she is up there as an angel watching and waiting for her family brings me real comfort. even now after having 3 perfect and beautiful children i think why did my body not look after her. Everythign happens for a reason, we don't always understand why at the time and may not ever understand. sometimes in life there is no explaintions.

((((hugs tho ))))

RedwoodBrook

Gucci_Princess wrote: »

I need to vent please feel free to ignore me

Bit background is i found out last Jan (2010) that i was pregnant but unfortunately we lost our baby at 7 weeks. We where completely shocked and i think i have only just come to terms with it. Role on July 2010 and we find out my brother in law and his girlfriend have having a baby queue me starting to cry and thinking that i am a failure since i couldn’t protect my own baby.

In the past month my two best friends have had babies and my niece/nephew is due soon

I’m just felling really down tonight sorry for the vent.

I can only really echo what someone else said on here about enjoying all the new children around you.

I lost my son at 36 weeks last October. My best friend admitted to me a few weeks back that she was 28 weeks pregnant. She didnt tell me before for obvious reasons.

I, like you, was heartbroken when she told me. The loss of my son is so raw. I have had a m/c and a stillbirth and for me, the latter was infinitely harder to deal with.

However. because of my Goddaughter-to-be I have started to go into baby shops again and can stomach the sight if pregnant women. I have even been into 'Babies-R-Us'.
Of course I feel jealous; my friend is going to have a baby while I have to go to a graveyard to get anywhere near my son. But having a child is a truly wonderful thing and my friends will be outstanding parents. Im sure the same can be said for your family/friends.

The hardest thing I have had to come to terms with is that there was nothing I could have done to protect my son. He died because of an accident with the cord and that is just something I have just had to accept. My m/c was, I believe, natures way of ending something that just wasn't going to work.

Try to be positive about the new children you will have in your life, rather than being sad about the ones who can't be there.

All the very best.

SuziQ

I'm sorry I am coming late onto this thread, but just wanted to send you a cyber hug.

I have had 4 miscarriages, and my oldest child was also a twin but I miscarried her sister.

Before I ever even got pregnant I was told I wouldn't be able to carry a baby because of a long term health condition. Even getting pregnant wasn't straightforward.
I remember each loss vividly and will never forget the babies I lost. But I do now have 3 children, aged 20, 15 and 9.
I got through the miscarriages by not dwelling on what might have been and rejoicing in my family and friend's babies, whilst seeking counselling to help me deal with my loss. I never wanted family and friends to be afraid to tell me they were having a baby-I didn't want their baby, I wanted my own! It was a long road for me, but it needn't be for you-many people have just 1 miscarriage and go on to have as many kiddies as they want (I am speaking as a Midwife and Health Visitor of over 25 years experience here.)

When I was at the point you were at, the road ahead looked so long and unpredicatble and I didn't know how I was going to get through it, but I did with the support of my familiy and friends, and with some counselling as well. It was all worth it when I held my first babe- but even if I hadn't had my children, because I took counselling, and got on with my life rather than becoming obsessed with having a child, I know I would have coped-we would just have done different things as a couple.