Mini Rant if you dont mind

Gucci_Princess

I need to vent please feel free to ignore me

Bit background is i found out last Jan (2010) that i was pregnant but unfortunately we lost our baby at 7 weeks. We where completely shocked and i think i have only just come to terms with it. Role on July 2010 and we find out my brother in law and his girlfriend have having a baby queue me starting to cry and thinking that i am a failure since i couldn’t protect my own baby.

In the past month my two best friends have had babies and my niece/nephew is due soon

I’m just felling really down tonight sorry for the vent.

xangeleyes

Aw Gucci, I'm so sorry for your loss.
You MUST understand that sometimes these things happen and it's nothing to do with whether or not you were unable to protect your baby. Your body, your womb is protecting the baby, but unfortunatly these things sadly happen and it's not fair at all!
Look to the positive side, at least you know that you CAN get pregnant Sorry if that sounds insensitive, but it was the first thing my sister said to me when she miscarried early.
She has had cancerous cells on her cervix, and all removed, and so her cervix is badly scarred. She was told it was highly unlikely to carry a baby and concieving a baby would be very difficult too. But she DID concieve, and although she lost it, she knows that she CAN become pregnant.

Are you always feeling down about this or is it just recently due to your brother and your friends (I understand the feeling will never disapear).
Have you spoken to your partner about it?

Do not blame yourself at all! Please!

It may seem that everyone around you is having a family, but your day will come Chin up xxx

curlytop12

oh,feel so sad for you.
wouldn't think for a minute you failed in any way,unfortunately some babies just arn't well enough to live long.it must be hard for you around so many new babies,but your time will come.make sure you don't seclude yourself from your friends/family though.i hope you feel better soon and have lots of support.
take care

Gucci_Princess

I think about it every day but it doesn’t upset me every day iykwim. I understand the least i can have children as that’s what i said to my husband “well at least we work" I think i didn’t deal with it right when it first happened. I didn’t want to talk about it and upset anyone so i just said nothing and i used to cry when he was at work. I have told my husband all this i think its just every one having babies and i think im just feeling broody which i haven’t felt before

xangeleyes

Can I give you some advice, something that will hopefully help you grieve - because you NEED to grieve for this baby, no matter how old it was.

My sister put together a little box, like a shoe box (or you can buy a nice little box), and in there she put a picture of herself and the daddy, and a pair of booties or something it may have worn, and a little letter to the baby.
Do this, and keep the box in a safe place, so that if you ever want to look back at it, then you can. Or you can bury the box, somewhere nice, where you can visit it when you need to.

Writing letters is a GREAT way to get all your words and feelings out, I find it easier with letters than I do with speaking out.

You should really give it a go xxx
It helped my mum too, it was my mum who told my sister to do it, and it's worked for them both.

BARGAINHUNTER!

I really feel for you. Was this your first pregnancy? Did you ever investigate why you miscarried? Sometimes it is just something that happens, through no fault of your own, and is your bodies way of telling you that now is not the right time. If there is no medical reasonwhy you cannot get pregnant again, your time will come im sure, although I understand that it might be hard when everyone around you is seemingly pregnant/has a baby in tow.

I carried a little boy to full term 10 years ago. Unfortunately, what no one knew at the time was that he was breech and had the cord around his neck. After a harrowing birth with involved a section he was placed in special care and sadly died the following day. I was utterly devistated at the time, and I can remember that everyone around me seemed to be either pregnant or had a baby and there was a lot of guilt from my side as I felt that it was my bodys fault and that I had somehow done something to cause this or I should have know that this pregnancy felt different and that there was something wrong (I had had two healthy pregnancies previously). It took me ages to come to terms with it and I can now see it as just something that happened, not anyones fault. the medical staff were fantastic and went over and above their day to day jobs, something that still comforts me to this day.

One thing I second is the box idea. We have a box that the staff in the special care baby unit decorated for us, and in it they placed little momentos like lock of hair, feet and palm prints and photos etc. We added to it putting some of our own things in and I keep it in the cupboard, where I can get it out and look through it when I want. I no longer play the scene over and over in my head like a film which is what I did do in the early days, but I can look back with fond memories although i still remember the sadness all to well as well. Special dates are hard, like birthdays, anniversaries, starting school time etc but I have learnt to deal with these in my own way. Since it happened, several of my friends or people I know have also had to cope with the terrible loss of miscarriage, child loss etc and I have been able to help. I can say that everyone of these people have gone on to have healthy pregnancies, including one couple who found out that they had a heridatory genetic condition they didn't know about that resulted in their son being born with a horrific condition and dying shortly afterwards. Advances in medical science mean't that they were able to finally go on and have a child of their own, although they also adopted another child after they had managed to have a healthy child successfuly.

What I am trying to say is that what you are feeling is totally normal and natural. Have you contacted any miscarriage groups for help and advice? There are some internet based forums where it might help to talk to others who have been in a similar position (I believe that MSE has one). x

Gucci_Princess

Thanks for your replies. It was my first and they baby would have been the first grandchild for both sides of the familes i just feel like i have let every one down. I havent look into support groups but i will just now.

BARGAINHUNTER!

Gucci_Princess wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. It was my first and they baby would have been the first grandchild for both sides of the familes i just feel like i have let every one down. I havent look into support groups but i will just now.

I really think it would help you if you were able to talk to people who have experienced similar things. As i said before the feelings you have of letting everyone down are not unusual but you are not to blame yourself in anyway. There was nothing that you could have done to prevent this happeneing. I was actually quite shocked at how common miscarriage is, as lots of people have told me that they have been affected by this tragedy, some people who I have known for quite a long time. Unfortunately it isn't something that some people feel comfortable talking to others about, especially if they met them after it happened. Im not sure how to post threads up on here, but if you search miscarriage in the forum thread box im convinced that you will find a thread that you can post on for help and advice

pigpen

MSE m/c thread

floss2

You haven't let anyone down - and I bet they would tell you that if you spoke to them about how you are feeling. It's just that sometimes nature takes these things into its own hands. Look into the support groups, speak to your GP and try not to fret too much about things. Your turn to be pregnant will come round.

creditcard123

Enjoy your friend's babies and look forward to your niece/nephew
And just think of this as practice without the lack of sleep

Losing a baby is hard I lost mine at 7 weeks but I think because it was between no.2 and no.3 child I had a different outlook - I just think it wasn't meant to be:(

I wish you every luck in the future and hopefully this time next year you will be on here asking how how you get the smell of baby sick out of your hair:)

Take care of yourself