Anyone else feel lonely, despite a family?

Counting_Pennies_2

It is the strangest feeling, I have my family and some friends, but I feel so lonely all the time and I am feeling engulfed by it at the moment.

I have never been the most sociable of people, but have a few good friends. But our paths have branched out and we don't see one another that much any more.

One friend has an issue with getting to the other side of the M25, another has moved to another continent, others have busy family lives, as indeed I do.

Our house is tiny, so it is difficult to invite people to come to visit with their families. The weather at this time of year is unpredicable so can't even think up a reliable meeting outside. Indoor things are really expensive, so in these times it is tough for all.

I have two little ones. DS at school, DD at preschool.

My DD aged 3 has the most almighty tantrums after preschool, but if she sleeps in the day she doesn't sleep at night, so I muddle through the day, battling her stubborn issues, while trying to give my DS attention. By the time the school run is over I am so exhausted. It is a waiting game for supper and bed.

I have suffered PND for just over 3 years and have successfully got to the end of the horrendous emotional part, and have got to the otherside and looked around and feel so very lonely.

I no longer go to playgroups as my DD is at preschool, so don't get to see the same faces there, the preschool chat is very short at pick up just a minute before and after.

We have tried selling our house for the last six months, and got no where, so have given up and decided to save hard for a few years. My DH has a been in a new job for 3 months now and hardly see anything of him, when he is home he sits in front of the tv with his iphone. So I barely see anything of him. When I raise it as an issue, he laughs it off.

Having been so isolated through my depression I haven't really made many friends in the playground with my son, and all the mums either have their little groups they go off on, or go straight to work.

I am not strong enough emotionally to work, but would like to get a hobby, but have looked for sewing or flower arranging classes locally but can't find anything.

I have photo albums to make up from the pile of photos since the children were born, and projects inside the house, but I am so lonely, I am not sure where to turn to.

Sorry, I roll out the words without a question. I can't wait for some sun, and spring days to get out and breathe the air. This winter is a long one.

Thanks for listening.

jpwhittle

Hey hun, didnt want to read and run, you sound exactly how i feel. I feel so alone despite having a loving family. My 2 year old DD throws the same tantrums and my son is picking up loads of bad habits from school. I to had PND for along time and feel like i missed alot of my boy growing up through it. I love my kids to bits but days like today ive been counting down the hours untill they go to bed.
It doesnt help for us as we have just been moved because of alot of bullying where we used to live so now im starting all over again, (secound time in 12 months but hey thats millitery life) and i feel so lost, I just want some friends to have coffee with, but cant do the school run as both kids got ill on the same day. Really cant wait for monday to send DS back to school.
Have you got a surestart centre near you? they are good for getting out and also run some courses, although they arent full courses someone looks after the kids while you do something for you wich is good.
If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me, Im sure we will come out the other side eventually.

belfastgirl23

Would you consider some volunteer work? You can do even one four hour shift a week if that's the time you have to commit. Having volunteered myself at different times there's quite a range of people there and you wouldn't stand out as different. And it's a nice way to meet and chat to people whilst keeping your hands busy...

Moneybot

I know the feeling was a stay at home Mum for 10 years and had moved to a new area when my eldest was only 6 months old. It can be very hard to get to know new people especially if you are feeling low. Has your school got a PTA? I found that joining that was a great way to get to know other Mums and to feel I was being useful again. It can be hard to break into if it is run by Mums that already know each other but most schools need parents to help.

Counting_Pennies_2

Moneybot wrote: »

I know the feeling was a stay at home Mum for 10 years and had moved to a new area when my eldest was only 6 months old. It can be very hard to get to know new people especially if you are feeling low. Has your school got a PTA? I found that joining that was a great way to get to know other Mums and to feel I was being useful again. It can be hard to break into if it is run by Mums that already know each other but most schools need parents to help.

Thanks for that

I helped run an activity for the PTA in the run up to Christmas, but I fell ill again. It doesn't take much to push me over the edge. It then caused loads of problems with DH as he told me it was my fault for getting involved, that I didn't conserve my energy for the family.

I will definitely get more involved when my DD starts in Sept as I will hopefully have more time.

Counting_Pennies_2

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Would you consider some volunteer work? You can do even one four hour shift a week if that's the time you have to commit. Having volunteered myself at different times there's quite a range of people there and you wouldn't stand out as different. And it's a nice way to meet and chat to people whilst keeping your hands busy...

Sounds a good idea.

My energy is limited, so not sure how I will cope with the commitment. Often the most I can cope with is washing, ironing and dishwasher, then I need to go to bed to recover before I get the children.

I have the odd day in the week where I have 3 hours that I could do something, but worry about letting people down if I can't turn up if I am too low.

Do you know how I get to contact for volunteering

Thanks

Counting_Pennies_2

jpwhittle wrote: »

Hey hun, didnt want to read and run, you sound exactly how i feel. I feel so alone despite having a loving family. My 2 year old DD throws the same tantrums and my son is picking up loads of bad habits from school. I to had PND for along time and feel like i missed alot of my boy growing up through it. I love my kids to bits but days like today ive been counting down the hours untill they go to bed.
It doesnt help for us as we have just been moved because of alot of bullying where we used to live so now im starting all over again, (secound time in 12 months but hey thats millitery life) and i feel so lost, I just want some friends to have coffee with, but cant do the school run as both kids got ill on the same day. Really cant wait for monday to send DS back to school.
Have you got a surestart centre near you? they are good for getting out and also run some courses, although they arent full courses someone looks after the kids while you do something for you wich is good.
If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me, Im sure we will come out the other side eventually.

Thanks for coming back to me, sorry to hear you are having a rough time too. I do hope things settle down and when your DS goes back to school you meet some nice people.

The only surestart centre we have is an hour away, but will look into it and see what there is.

Thanks again and good luck to you

[Deleted User]

Some great ideas have been suggested here CP and i actually also can identify with how you feel. Your probably aware i had PND with both my two and had to back on the AD's recently with lots of stuff going on around me.

I felt very isolated with my son, but when my daughter was born i did make some more friends very local to me and one lady is just up the road and our girls are "best friends" in a 3 yr old way, but they have known each other from birth and we hope this friendship sees them through.

At times though i still feel low and down and like everything is getting on top of me. Homestart has really helped me, had support for over 2 years and although its due to stop in 2 weeks, our volunteer is a lovely lady and wants to come back to see us all and watch the children grow up.

Even before i had a family i had lonely feelings and no one that i just just invite round for a cuppa or ring up and say "have you got a spare hour". So i've now only had that in the past two years and at times i still feel lonely, i think that is because i have a depressive nature and when the going gets tough i isolate, rather than share the burden, i think that's because i think if i'm always down around other people they won't want to be around me. You know the feeling of "if you feel rubbish, you think you'll bring other people down", so you avoid people when your low.

I'd love to meet up with you in RL, i've read your posts for years and have much respect for you on these boards, but i'm guessing you dont live very near me at all and not quite the "pop in for a cuppa" friendship your after.

Some ideas to make more local friends i guess would be

Find out who your children are friendly with and invite them round with parents for play and cuppa, use your child as leverage, so you dont lose face if they decline i.e."Sam would love it if Jon can come and play one afternoon and your welcome to stay if you fancy a cuppa?" type thing.

Offer a few hours at a local toddler group, they can always do with help and your bound to meet mothers with older children at school like you.

Contact Homestart if you fancy becoming a volunteer.

Get in touch with your local volunteer bureau to see what they have to offer.

Offer to help with reading at your child's primary school, get to know the children and decide which families you'd like to get to know more.

Hold a Pampered Chef night or smiliar and use the "its a Mummy" theme, get people to bring a friend and make a point of chatting to new people to broaden your chance of meeting people you click.

I hope this helps, i don't mean to patronise or teach you to suck eggs in any way, your post was from the heart and i wish i lived closer for a cuppa.

Btw ive found the 1,2,3 Magic book great for mananging my two's behaviour and tantrums are easier for me now.

Moneybot

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

Thanks for that

I helped run an activity for the PTA in the run up to Christmas, but I fell ill again. It doesn't take much to push me over the edge. It then caused loads of problems with DH as he told me it was my fault for getting involved, that I didn't conserve my energy for the family.

I will definitely get more involved when my DD starts in Sept as I will hopefully have more time.

It can be hard especially at first but small steps. Just remember you are not alone in feeling like this and that can help when you are down at the bottom.

Counting_Pennies_2

Deleted_User wrote: »

Some great ideas have been suggested here CP and i actually also can identify with how you feel. Your probably aware i had PND with both my two and had to back on the AD's recently with lots of stuff going on around me.

Thanks Bailey, lots of good points there.

I was worried about volunteering for Homestart as I think I am a bit too raw to help still. Also don't want to let anyone down as I know this is the time they need a reliable person.

Will look at the volunteer bureau though, I think it will be a good thing to look into and hopefully get involved where not so much commitment is needed.

I do the reading at my DS school already and I love doing it. Sadly not much interaction with adults though, but might see if I can ask if they other mums want to meet for coffee straight afterwards. will try that one this week.

I think I might try to go to the church playgroup I used to take my DD before she started preschool. There were always older ladies there to help do the drinks and hold the babies, so it would be nice to see them again. Thanks for the idea.

I will look out the Magic 1, 2, 3 book, I don't think I have been as good on the discipline as I was with DS and we have both got into bad habits. She is very steely and knows my weak points. I am getting to the point that I wait a good 10 mins before she will even sit in her car seat. If I strap her in, she is unplugged in a second if it isn't on her terms.

Coffee would have been lovely, funny thing about this cyber chat, we are so virtual.

thanks again

PS - not teaching to suck eggs. Needed to get some clarity, thanks Hope things get back on track for you too.

Katgoddess

Just a suggestion, take a look at the meet a mum section on your local netmums board. They often have someone arrangeing local meet ups as well. Good luck x