URGENT advice needed regarding children

zzzLazyDaisy

travelchick wrote: »

T
looks like im losing my child to a man that beat the hell out of me and the courts will do nothing about it :-(

If there is no history of violence towards her, and she is going willingly, then at her age the courts probably wouldn't do anything about it anyway.

The problem is that the more you fight against it, the more likely she is to take her Dad's side (that's teenage girls for you).

I am so sorry you are in this position and you have my heartfelt sympathy. But you are not losing your child - she is old enough to vote with her feet, and probably will do when she realises that living so far away from school means she can't hang around with her friends after school, or meet up with them when she feels like it.

Be supportive, make sure your home is a pleasant and welcoming place for her and her friends to be (not saying it's not) and try and ride it out. This happened with my cousin's 14 yr old - he wanted shared care to keep the csa payments down, but used to go out and leave her on her own in the house every evening, and not even feed her. She would phone her mum and ask her to bring some food over, and drive her to her friend's house as she didn't want to be in the house on her own. The girl did get fed up with it eventually and now lives with her mum and sees her Dad now and again at weekends when he can be bothered, but it did take a while.

clearingout

no, there is something you can do about it. You can instruct a solicitor and tell him/her that you want your daughter back. The issue is going to be whether she wants to come back and that's only really an issue because of her age.

Have word at school -get any changes in behaviour and her fall in grades put in writing.

Was he violent in front of the children? If he was, this will play a major part in any argument to have her under your care. Who's to say he's not already violent towards his girlfriend in front of the children?

travelchick

Residency order is simply the legal tearm for custody order, I was given the info from the childrens legal advisery service, a court recomended service that is free
x

pigpen

Well if she isn't saying no.. let her go.. see how long it takes before she is back.. She might be trying to test you to 'see how much you care' as they do.

I doubt the new gf will stick around long to babysit and play skivvy.

My 16 y/o tried it.. she lasted the whole of... 3 hours! I said I wouldn't go get her and made her stay overnight she didn't see her dad for 8 weeks after that.

Sort a residency order and I'd go for a custody order (they are not the same! not according to my solicitor anyway.. he has been covering family law for about 40 years.) too and get a contact order sorted.. to cover all bases and a few. If it doesn't cover DD it will at least protect your position with the little ones.

animum

he may be able to take her any time he wants... and put her where? does he live in barracks? what will he do every time he moves? we moved 4 times in 3 years- is he going to put a 14 year old starting GCSE's through that? incredibly selfish if so..just so he can get an army house with the current girlfriend. obviously its hard if your daughter does want to do this....If he does attempt to get a house by deceipt, ring the the army housing, welfare/families officer even his CO and tell them he is making up a fictitious nanny! if he was that bothered about his daughter, he would rent privately rather than using her to scam a cheap house for the current squeeze and him. was thinking about this the other day....wondering if my ex will ever try the same. I only know of one divorced army dad that has a house, but his daughter does live with him. no partner does though and as far as i know it was all legitimate. maybe get advice from some more military specific legal types as sometimes solicitors dont really understand the true ins and outs of military life. the sheer unpredictble nature of the army already goes against him in the case of residency.. what is he planning on doing if he goes to Afghan for 6 months, or on a course or the countless other things that go on....leave her in the charge of the "nanny". anyway, let us know how you get on and hope it works out.

travelgran

Try posting on the Armed forces section of the forum. They may have someone with experience.

travelchick

Hello all.

Thank you so much for the varying advice that you have given, its actually helped lots. LIZZY DIZZY thank you as it was your idea that worked, I have offered that she stay with me monday through thursday, he will drop her off at school monday morning and she will get the school bus home to me monday night, then he will collect her on fri after school. She is very happy with this so thank you soooooo much.
I have spoken to the courts and they have said that even though im not entitled to legal aid I am on a low income and can get reduced rates for court hearings. she is sendng me the form I need for a residence order and info on how i can fill it out and submit it via the court and get reduction in fees.
I will get this in place before this goes wrong and then i have a legal leg to stand on!

my daughter did confirm that suddenly he was putting pressure on her to change schools, and that all his claiming the army wont send him away he had to again cancel her coming straight away as he has to go away shortly!!! ( although that might be because I pointed out that the minute he went away and left my daughter with his girlfriend I would turn up with the police to reclaim her as is my right ;-)

I thank you all again for your help and the time you took to reply its been a long hard day and your words really helped

xxx

Spendless

travelchick wrote: »

Hello all.

Thank you so much for the varying advice that you have given, its actually helped lots. LIZZY DIZZY thank you as it was your idea that worked, I have offered that she stay with me monday through thursday, he will drop her off at school monday morning and she will get the school bus home to me monday night, then he will collect her on fri after school. She is very happy with this so thank you soooooo much.
I have spoken to the courts and they have said that even though im not entitled to legal aid I am on a low income and can get reduced rates for court hearings. she is sendng me the form I need for a residence order and info on how i can fill it out and submit it via the court and get reduction in fees.
I will get this in place before this goes wrong and then i have a legal leg to stand on!

my daughter did confirm that suddenly he was putting pressure on her to change schools, and that all his claiming the army wont send him away he had to again cancel her coming straight away as he has to go away shortly!!! ( although that might be because I pointed out that the minute he went away and left my daughter with his girlfriend I would turn up with the police to reclaim her as is my right ;-)

I thank you all again for your help and the time you took to reply its been a long hard day and your words really helped

xxx

And if he succeeded and it didn't work out, how easy (or not!) would it be to get her her place back at her current school? If she's currently at an oversubscribed sought after secondary,and someone will snap ehr place up the minute she leaves. pointing that out might be enough to not tempt her to change in the 1st place.

Caroline_a

Sending you hugs and hope it all works out for you. I don't know anything about the army, but my suggestion would have been to speak to army welfare as someone has already suggested.

I know how you feel, my ex took my daughter and refused to give her back. She was 9 at the time, and I had to drive 400 miles and he still refused to give her back then, but said in front of her that he would bring her halfway the following day. He then put me in court for residency and it took 12 months of heartache and pressure to finally settle that she would stay with me. Hopefully yours will be a lot easier than mine, your daughter sounds a sensible girl, but I just wanted to say my thoughts are with you xx

Mojisola

animum wrote: »

If he does attempt to get a house by deceipt, ring the the army housing, welfare/families officer even his CO and tell them he is making up a fictitious nanny!

I think it would be good to talk to the army welfare people. If you explain the situation to them, they may be able to short-circuit the problem.