URGENT advice needed regarding children

travelchick

Hello all,

I hope someone can help me here, Im trying to find a solicitor but it would help if I know what im wanted, So any advice you have would be great.

I dont have a residence order on my children although they have lived with me since I split up with my husband 3 years ago.
I have found out that he is planning on not returning my older daughter after the weekend she is 14.
I dont want her to live with him as he was violent in our marriage and its not good for her to move schools ect, she feels under pressure as both of us want her to live with us, and says that she is happy to live with either of us.
Is there any sort of court order that insures he must return the children after his normal visitation just until such time as a residence order is put in place?

ANy advice wouold be great

Thanks

x

clearingout

The courts favour the 'status quo' so if he doesn't return her, you should be able to 'get her back' using the courts and an ex parte hearing (that's a hearing where the other side isn't notified). I'm not sure what sort of Order you're looking for, however. Am tempted to say 'Prohibitive Steps Order' but if he's already taken her, it's not really preventing anything. Hopefully someone will be alone soon to clarify that for you.

If a move involves a change of schools, I am not personally convinced that your average 14 year old would be happy about moving - it would be a massive upheavel from a friends point of view, not to mention she must be at a crucial point in her education. However, if she is showing no reluctance, perhaps there is something wrong at school? Just something to consider. At her age, if a full hearing is ordered and CAFCASs get involved, her wishes will very much be taken into account as she's old enough to have an opinion and know what she wants. Doesn't mean to say she'll get what she wants but the courts do seem to consider that if a teen is happy with one parent, there's no point in ordering them to see or live with the other.

pigpen

The courts wouldn't order her to do anything unless there was significant evidence to show she is safer at one place than another. They will ask what she wants to do.

I asked mine.. it is up to you where you live here with me or at your dads. I won't make the decision for you and if you want to go to dads then I am happy for you to do so as long as it is your decision and yu are not swayed by anthing anyone else says or does'

Needless to say they all stayed here..

it doesn't take long to get a residency order and would ensure they were brought back to you in the event he behaves like a twerp.

Why do you think he is intending to keep her?
Would he be able to get her to her current school if he was with him? It might be time to work it out again so she splits the time 50/50 between you and him.. I think you need to discuss with her what she would be happiest with.

if he has not shown any violent behaviour towards the children and only you there is little chance it will be taken into consideration tbh. It will come down to what DD wants

travelchick

Hiya

Thanks for getting back to me, at the moment dad is telling her that she wont have to change schools as he is happy to do the 25 mile school run.
However he is in the army and isnt in a position to do the school run every day.

He has told her the army has promised not to send him away any more and that he can have time off to do the school run, its a load of rubbish that he is filling her head with.
He is doing it so that him and his girlfriend can get a free house with the army, he isnt entittle to one until they are married or until such a time that he claims that his daughter is living with him and that the girlfriend is in fact his live in nanny, Its a little bit sick as he will dump her once he has got the house. its also the reason he has no interest in the smaller children and they require actually looking after.
But for my daughter it will distroy her she is one year into her GCSEs and since this has been going on her grades have gone from A,Bs down to Ds which is why I need to put an end to it.
I dont want to say that he cant have the kids overnight until a residence place in put in order as I dont want to break their bond, just secure boundrys

x

sassyblue

Does your daughter know about this? What would she do if he tried to stop her coming home?

I'd make sure she has a mobile (hidden from him if needs be) and if he says she's not going home get her to ring you on the mobile and then you phone the police to say he's kidnapped her/holding her against her will, which in effect he would have.

I'd fight fire with fire but l guess someone else will tell me l'm being OTT

travelchick

Hi sassy,
Sadly she is aware of it, if I instal normal rules that she doesnt like she is using the I want to live with my dad crap and is trying to play us off against each other,
she has a mobile. I am happy to play this with fire I just dont want to break any laws :-(

animum

well my ex is in the army as was I, and there is no way on this earth that they will have said he wont be going away and he can have time off for the school run. ask him to produce that in writing. there is such a shortage of military housing as well...they are struggling to house married families, let alone people who want to make up imaginary nannies. hope you manage to get it sorted.

zzzLazyDaisy

I hate to say this, but the best thing you can do is to go and see a solicitor. At least then you will know what the likely outcome will be if he does go through with this.

If this went to court, the child's best interests are paramount, but at her age the court would put a LOT of weight on what the child wants.

I know this would be hard, but one way to deal with it is simply to tell her that whatever she decides to do, you will support her, and leave her to make up her own mind (I say this because, in all probability, the court will go with what she wants anyway).

Then sit it out. I know from personal experience how hard this would be - but as others have said, she won't want to change school, and I bet once the novelty wears off she will hate having to get up so early to get to school (12 miles in morning traffic can take AGES).

Or, why not suggest that she goes to him, say, Sunday and stays three nights with him and comes home after school on Wednesday and stays the next four nights with you as a trial period to see how it goes (this will mean that you remain the main carer for child benefit purposes and WTC if relevant, so your finances aren't totally messed up while they are seeing if this arrangement actually works).

travelchick

Thank you animum,
I told him that if he could provid written confirmation from the army that they are will to be this flexible then I would consider possible joint residence. He just told me where to go.
Its disgusting that he could use her in this manner but it seems that until i get a residence order either on of us can have her, and the residence order takes between 6 months to a year.
Im basically !!!!!!ed, so looks like im losing my child to a man that beat the hell out of me and the courts will do nothing about it :-(

pigpen

residency order took about 3 days for my friend and a week for my dad.. who said it took that long? Are you confusing with a custody order which does take that long?

travelchick

Managed to speak to a solicitor they confirmed that he can take her any time he wants and there is nothing I can do about it!