Wife upset by fears of own mortality!

grandma247

DM Look up perimenopause. Fear of dying early is just one of the many classic symptoms and it starts much earlier than many women realise.

busiscoming2

OMG I suffered with this after my mum died and I thought I was the only one and going mad. I want to thank the OP for this thread and everyone who has said they have suffered too.

JodyBPM

I had this when I was in my late 20s. A friend of mine died from cancer in her early 30s, and that was definitely what triggered if for me. Every cough, twinge, lump and bump I'd be "researching" on the internet, convincing myself I'd got cancer. I'd have diagnosed myself, spent weeks grieving and worrying before actually going to the doctor and getting the all clear.

Its a horrible terrifying form of anxiety, so give your wife all the support you can.

After a couple of years, my anxiety disappeared as quickly as it came. I think it was a combination of a variety of factors. Firstly recognising that it was anxiety that I had, not cancer, and trying to keep perspective, secondly when I got pregnant exactly as planned with my first, I think in some way that reassured me that my body was working fine, and also, with the little people, I simply don't have enough time to sit and stew on things.

Your wife does need to seek help for this. Counselling should help her put things in perspective. From what you say it doesn't sound like she is depressed, just has high levels of anxiety, probably triggered by her father's illness. She may well not need medication.

Good Luck.

de1amo

This is the weird thing-i dont actually understand the syndrome--i am 48 and have never really had anyone close to me die. i have lived abroad for a good few years and lost contact with my uncles and aunts who have died but my parents are still alive and kicking. They arent well but i take the philosophical view that they have had good innings' and there is little i can do.i am even detached from them a bit!my brothers and sisters are all alive and we are living seperate lives and meet seldomly.-so i am not really close to anyone apart from my wife and daughter and they are younger than me. When my wife's father was ill i was the optmistic one whilst all around me were sobbing! i like my in laws but i dont speak their language and they mine! so its an odd relationship.-i live in a bubble and i am listening to what is being said intently.i may have to study rather than my wife because she internalises it!

the odd thing about her perspective is that on the rational outside it seems in order but internally it goes awry!its starts with her dying and then goes on to analyse lots of other parts of her life-she gets bees in the bonnets and a few days later she sees the irrationality and jokes with me--she tells me what she was thinking but doesnt go around upsetting folk!

uolypool

I have a fear of dying, I obviously know it is going to happen one day but I get moments where i feel I cant breathe and my body goes cold and I panic about dying,I lost my dad when I was 7 1/2 years old through suicide and I think this is what has caused my to be like this I am nearly 38 years old.I use to sometimes spend days just lying in bed crying at the thought that I would never see my children grow up and have children of their own I once even thought about suicide but I know now that I could never do that as I know how difficult I found it when my dad did it. It has got easier for me, sometimes I can go weeks without having an "episode" then all of a sudden it creeps up on me .I have never told anyone this before but I feel a sense of relief even as I am typing this.

poet123

I think this is quite common, looking back my mother suffered form this, the fear of dying and leaving me motherless (I was a late baby)

It was called "nerves" then and she didnt really get ny help for it, just got through it the best she could. I do remember her having bad days though. In many ways I have inherited her issues, but I go the other way, rarely see a doctor but I do have a tendency to think every twinge is terminal....for a few days and then it passes. Fortunately, I am rarely ill.

It is also an age thing, we suddenly become aware of our own mortality. If you could reassure her that she is not going mad, but that this is quite common as you approach the menopause.

scooby088

I have had plenty of time to think of my own mortality, i have seen death and been around death four times in my life, and the conclusion i have come up with is when it's been your time it's your time, i am no longer scared from the moment we are born the clock is ticking it's just the cycle of life.

meritaten

many people go through life convinced they are immortal! some people are more philosophical and just shrug and get on with things - others develop a very real fear which can turn into a phobia! I am sure it helps to talk about it with people who will understand - but not pander to the fear. we cannot let fear of death stop us from living! its going to happen - it WILL happen, someday! in the meantime we are honour bound to live each day as best we can!

saterkey

It is more common than you think... partners mother died 2 yrs ago, mine are getting ill and im dreading that phone call, but you know its coming. Ive hit 40 and realised my own mortality, I will drive down the street and see people laughing and I wonder why they are enjoying themselves when they are only going to die anyway, and stupid things like that. I find when im happy and busy I think about morbid thoughts less. I have that sort of underlying low level worry all the time which some of the time i manage to squash and sometimes i dont. its hard but i guess its an age thing.

louise3965

I started like this when I was about her age. Everywhere I looked there was a danger or an illness that would take me away from my kids and it scared me shitless. I started not sleeping and drinking too much but it didnt last long, I did get bored/grow out of it but not before I had been to GP/bought masses of St Johns Wort etc. I think its simply a case of loving your kids too much and it all just gets overwhelming sometimes.

Just keep telling her she is ok and all will be well x