82 year old mum's moved in (temporarily TG)

Gigglepig

This sounds stressful, but she is family and in my opinion the OP is doing the right thing by looking after her.
Are there any other adult children who could help out a bit?

I would talk to and praise the teenage daughter that she is putting up with the comments from the gran even though they may be a bit unfair some times. I think a teenager is perfectly capable of understanding that one looks after family even if it isn't fun all the time, but it is good to acknowledge that it isn't easy and can cause frustration.

Depending on the relationship with the mum - perhaps point out that her comments are only pushing the granddaughter away, and try to come up with some positive fun things you can all do together, as well as projects for the gran to stay engaged.

Hm... and what about buying her a pair of lovely slippers, so she won't walk in the dog poo?

One day gran won't be there any more, and hopefully the OP and granddaughter can treasure the time they spent together, even though it was hard at times.

Looby_Lou

20 years ago I was in your DDs position. It is not much fun being constantly criticised, being unable to do anything right and feeling unwelcome in your own home! Please try to organise some mum & daughter time and let her know that you don't agree with what your mum is saying. Let her know that you are finding it hard having Gran around, and that you recognise that DD is having a tough time. I used to leave 2 hours early for work and escape as much as possible, it really was the worst summer of my life. By the time Gran left my self confidence had disappeared and it took a long time for all of us to get over her visit! With hind sight we realise that the alzheimers was starting to change her personality, but at the time life was h*ll!

olibrofiz

Have been considering all the replies (thank you everyone) and trying to put things in perspective. Some I hadn’t thought of so thanks for that )

I was surprised with the ‘well she wiped your bum...you owe her’ comments, and don’t think they were necessary, or appropriate, at all. As a parent I did that as I loved my baby not because I thought it would give me entitlements further down the line or indeed expect my DD to think that way.

I love my mum, she’s a great lady, and my original post was me reaching a very low point and, I think, needing a ‘you can do it’ from someone, cos on Sunday, as there IS only me (no relatives, siblings etc) I really, really, really felt like I couldn’t do it any longer.

My mum is in no doubt how much I love her, would do anything for her. And yes, I know one day she won’t be here, and that will be a big loss to me as not only is she my mum, she’s my friend.

I will try and focus on how DD is coping with all this, and think up some things we can do together, without my mum (she'll be upset, but would like DD to look back with some fond memories as was suggested)

And the contractors are getting their act together again (yipppeee)
I'm optimistic month 3 will be a few more steps along the way to mum getting her independance back :T

belfastgirl23

olibrofiz wrote: »

I was surprised with the ‘well she wiped your bum...you owe her’ comments, and don’t think they were necessary, or appropriate, at all.

There is no question that you owe her but what you owe her is to be as good a daughter to her as you can. That doesn't necessarily mean that you need to do everything she asks. Being a good daughter might mean pushing her outside her comfort zone. It might mean making her drive again. It might mean doing things that make you feel uncomfortable. And indeed sometimes you might not manage to be a good daughter at all - you might need a break!! If she's a good mum she will understand this in the long run

Good luck, you sound a lot brighter today.

And I have to say also well done, I really don't think I could manage what you're doing and I love my mum dearly too....

shays_mum

Mums eh! can't live with em & wouldn't be born without em! lol
On a serious note the only other things you can do as already mentioned by op's is rush the insurers, have her stay at another sibling/family member her age/let her move into the hotel. Otherwise your going to have to grin & bear it, atleast until another alternative presents itself!. I am sure when we were younger & they did everything your doing for her now, maybe she would have loved a break as well
Anyways hope things work out soon x