extended family bills

poet123

My niece bought with her husbands sister and family, they are regretting it now. Unless there is illness which means your mum needs care, or family close by, I would not even consider it. Privacy is all imo.

gpjuicer

oh dear! doesnt sound like you have much confidence in this! I totally see what you mean about the arguments starting now but dont want to give up on what could be something good without trying to find a working solution. I havent been out with my husband for over 2 years and will certainly not be abusing the babysitting aspect, and my husband will no doubt be doing all sorts of DIY help for my mum and I am more than happy to help her out if she needs it as she gets older. So I believe from that side we will all contribute fairly. We will partition the house off so we have our own living spaces and kitchens. My children are 7mths and 3 years so dont think they use enough gas and electric on their own to pay equal shares of the bills although as they get bigger then that could be reviewed! Does anyone manage to share a property with their parent(s) successfully? Thanks for all your input so far!

notisis

Don't do it. My parents did the same with my grandmother and it ended in tears. A work colleague did the same with her mil and fil and again ended badly. Best to live close so you can keep an eye out for each other but don't live together. Out of the many people that I know who have done this (via friends etc) it very very rarely works.

mumps

I did it and it worked, sometimes there were probs but nothing big. We paid gas and electric in return for her help with children which meant I could work. How old is your mom? I am a granny now and I love seeing my grandchildren but I do get more tired than I used to. I remember my mom sometimes getting a bit grumpy if mine were making a lot of noise and I understand it more now.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If she is already complaining about having to pay a theoretical share of a hypothetical electric bill before you've even viewed a few properties, believe me, she will make you bitterly regret it by the day you move in.

She won't use the water, because of course, you wash the clothes and the children and all she has is a leetle teeny cup of water a day. The kids have all modern fangled gadgets that can't possibly be energy efficient compared to her 28 year old heap of junk stereo. If she was on her own, she wouldn't have to pay 75% of that silly council tax bill by herself, so you should have to pay it all. And if you point out that she's getting a third of the bill rather than three quarters, well, she wouldn't have such a huge house if it were just her, would she? Then there's the household insurance - you'd have to get that anyway, so she shouldn't have to pay for it. Oh, and the teabags. And the milk. And the children are making too much noise. They should be left to cry/fed on demand/smacked/not smacked/why not go and have a night out/well, you get free babysitting, proven by saying the baby was crying in the evening during Coronation Street. Oh, nearly forgot, you'd have a TV licence whatever happened, so she should be exempt from paying for that, too.

Ah yes, and how often do you throw inhibitions to the wind and have a fun, 'adult' time at night? Will you be doing that when she's shouting up the stairs that Eastenders is about to start, or that nice lady on QVC is doing a special offer on umbrellas that don't turn inside out.........


Unless you are in your mother's house 24 hours a day already and you cannot imagine ever being without her for a moment - do not do this.

ljw2701

Please don't do it! When I was young my Dad's elderly aunt came to stay with us & it was a complete disaster - she moved into a home about 2 years later.

Bizarrely, no-one seemed to learn anything from this and 25 years later Dad tried a similar arrangement with my sister albeit with separate accommodation (them in what was the family farmhouse and him in a static caravan) - this ended with him losing the farm (and his livelihood), having to sell the caravan at a loss and move into a rented cottage.

Every family is different but the signs already don't bode well for you.

BlueAngelCV

By parents did this with my nan.

There have been some issues (as most people would have living with their parents) but nothing major.

I think you just need to make sure that you work out the ground rules before you move in. This is assuming that you & OH both have a good relationship with you mum though!

I think 1/4 is probably fair for electric but then I would say 50/50 for gas (presuming you have gas central heating) as she will be using it a lot more whilst you are all out (and will want it on in the middle of summer if my nan is anything to go by!).

Mupette

gpjuicer wrote: »

oh dear! doesnt sound like you have much confidence in this! I totally see what you mean about the arguments starting now but dont want to give up on what could be something good without trying to find a working solution. I havent been out with my husband for over 2 years and will certainly not be abusing the babysitting aspect, and my husband will no doubt be doing all sorts of DIY help for my mum and I am more than happy to help her out if she needs it as she gets older. So I believe from that side we will all contribute fairly. We will partition the house off so we have our own living spaces and kitchens. My children are 7mths and 3 years so dont think they use enough gas and electric on their own to pay equal shares of the bills although as they get bigger then that could be reviewed! Does anyone manage to share a property with their parent(s) successfully? Thanks for all your input so far!

But what you do for them... will equal the 1/5 for each child.

You have to cook for them, washing, cleaning....

When i go out for a meal and take DS i pay his share too... which means i always pay more than what i had.

It is better that this has come out now rather than when you are in one property. Good luck

churchrat

I have several friends try this and it has only once ended well. And that was because both parties just wanted to live in the same house, and NOT because it was cheaper or meant one party got a bigger house. They just liked spending a lot of time together.

You say that your oh will be happy to do diy for your mum, but surely he does that already? and helping out an elderly relative is most certainly not the same as living with someone who may become incontinent or suffer from dementia. It may not even be something that you are considering at the moment, but sever ill health can hit out of the blue and when it does you may find that your options for help are limited because of your housing choice.

pinkclouds

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I think you should buy a house with a granny annexe on the side. She pays for hers and you pay for yours.

If the disagreements start here, where will it end for food, when to put heating on, decorating costs. the list goes on

I think this is the best solution - a house that has, or can be converted to have, a self-contained apartment on one floor. You can still see each other all the time and be on hand 24/7 if grandmother or grandchildren are ill but if any of you need some respite then you can just lock the front door and retreat into your own spaces.