I spend on crap and it has to stop

ab7167

CH27 wrote: »

6 x 3 x 4 = £72 straight away

Byatt wrote: »

I just wanted to say, well done for acknowledging you have a problem so early on. I am sure many of us started off "small" (I know I did)...and then it was like a runaway train. Can you tell your OH so he can support you? Also, can you write down how you are are feeling when you spend the money, even though you know it will make you overdrawn as you may see a connection?

This isn't my first time at this... Recognise the warning signs now!

Emotionally I have cripplingly low self esteem, despite being professionally successful and reasonably average looking. I tend to often believe that the people who I call my friends are merely the subset of the general population who hate me least... Have been known to try and keep up with others spending (meals out, etc) so they don't stop liking me. My rational self knows this is utterly ridiculous, but my emotional side is far stronger, unfortunately. I dealing with it and have better days sometimes, not sure it will ever go away totally though!

CH27

ab7167 wrote: »

This isn't my first time at this... Recognise the warning signs now!

Emotionally I have cripplingly low self esteem, despite being professionally successful and reasonably average looking. I tend to often believe that the people who I call my friends are merely the subset of the general population who hate me least... Have been known to try and keep up with others spending (meals out, etc) so they don't stop liking me. My rational self knows this is utterly ridiculous, but my emotional side is far stronger, unfortunately. I dealing with it and have better days sometimes, not sure it will ever go away totally though!

Does keeping up with the Jones make you happy?

What does make you happy?

ab7167

Keeping up makes me happy momentarily. Creative stuff makes me happy longer term. My children always make me happy.

Being debt free (again) and able to not backslide (again) would make me happy.

Actually, I'm pretty furious with myself now.

Byatt

ab7167 wrote: »

This isn't my first time at this... Recognise the warning signs now!

Emotionally I have cripplingly low self esteem, despite being professionally successful and reasonably average looking. I tend to often believe that the people who I call my friends are merely the subset of the general population who hate me least... Have been known to try and keep up with others spending (meals out, etc) so they don't stop liking me. My rational self knows this is utterly ridiculous, but my emotional side is far stronger, unfortunately. I dealing with it and have better days sometimes, not sure it will ever go away totally though!

That is a common feeling for many if not most. Have you considered counselling?

CH27

ab7167 wrote: »

Keeping up makes me happy momentarily. Creative stuff makes me happy longer term. My children always make me happy.

Being debt free (again) and able to not backslide (again) would make me happy.

Actually, I'm pretty furious with myself now.

It's important to know what makes you happy.
You need to keep focused on your happiness. Money & status doesn't buy happiness.

ab7167

CH27 wrote: »

It's important to know what makes you happy.
You need to keep focused on your happiness. Money & status doesn't buy happiness.

Byatt wrote: »

That is a common feeling for many if not most. Have you considered counselling?

I have considered counselling, but there at many logistical and financial hurdles to overcome with childcare etc. Pre children, I did have a 6 week course of CBT and it did help a lot. I think I maybe need to talk to my GP again. My youngest child is just 1, and I did have a bad go with PND when he was 4-8 months old. Being back at work helps, but I am definitely predisposed to being a bit blue.

I would love to have a creative job. Really love it, and would love to be self employed as well, with kids coming up school age. We have the most amazing childminder at the moment, but not in our village. He won't do pick up and drop off to the school in our village and DD will not get into the one in their village, so come September 2012 I need a new strategy for the work/life balance.

CH27

ab7167 wrote: »

I have considered counselling, but there at many logistical and financial hurdles to overcome with childcare etc. Pre children, I did have a 6 week course of CBT and it did help a lot. I think I maybe need to talk to my GP again. My youngest child is just 1, and I did have a bad go with PND when he was 4-8 months old. Being back at work helps, but I am definitely predisposed to being a bit blue.

I would love to have a creative job. Really love it, and would love to be self employed as well, with kids coming up school age. We have the most amazing childminder at the moment, but not in our village. He won't do pick up and drop off to the school in our village and DD will not get into the one in their village, so come September 2012 I need a new strategy for the work/life balance.

And that is the perfect incentive to sort your spending out:)

Swampmonster

ab7167 wrote: »

I would love to have a creative job. Really love it, and would love to be self employed as well, with kids coming up school age. We have the most amazing childminder at the moment, but not in our village. He won't do pick up and drop off to the school in our village and DD will not get into the one in their village, so come September 2012 I need a new strategy for the work/life balance.

Don't know if it helps but our local education authority has in their admissions criteria a section on the form for social reasions for wanting to go to a particular school.

A friend of mine got her child into a school out of her own catchment area near the childminders because of this.

Good Luck

ms_london

BOGOF_Queen wrote: »

As others have said, keep a spending diary. I started doing this a couple of years ago and EVERTHING I buy is recorded on my spreadsheet. I keep a spreadsheet for each month and at the end of the month put the totals in my yearly summary sheet so I can see how much a year I am spending on food, fuel etc. So,as soon as I get back to the office (I don't shop at the weekends) I record anything I have bought in my lunch hour. I have a column for food - tend to pop to the supermarket most days - check my receipt and enter the amount. If I have bought, say a birthday card and a stamp, that gets recorded in a column headed "other spends" and I can see from my spending, that my weakness is buying gardening related stuff! You will see a pattern emerge and if your weakness is that coffee on the way to work, or the sandwich you buy for lunch, you will be horrified how much that it is costing you a month. If it is a packet of crisps every day, or a bar of chocolate, or even a packet of fags (if you smoke) think how much better off you would be each month if you knocked the vice on the head. Once you know how muc each month it is costing you, pehaps transfer this amount to a savings account AS SOON as you get paid, therefore this money has already gone from your current account and you are less likely to fritter it away on rubbish - hope this helps - certainly been an eye opener for me since I have been monitoring my spending habits.

I think it takes someone very brave to do this, and would be quite scary seeing the figures in black and white - perhaps it would encourage me not to waste so much money! xx

kaz0705

This might sound a bit obvious but you say one of the reasons you find it easy to overspend is because you have credit available... Erm, could you not just ask the bank to lower your overdraft and reduce your credit limit? I know it's easy to tell yourself that you might need it 'in an emergency' but as your joint finances are under control, how big would an emergency need to be to need this?

Instead, could you both put a wee bit more into the joint to cover such emergencies?

If the credit isnt available, you won't be able to overspend!

Good luck!