How to Get Through The Tough Times The Old Style Way.

littlecal

Hi all,hope everyone has had a good day! well,didn't get to the cs,XMiL wasn't up to it today but we still had a lovely day.Still,came home with 29p melons,29p pineapples and 49p grapes so that's breakfast sorted!!!!!

shegar

Hello everyone and many thanks for your kind words and thoughts.........not too much happening right now, picked hubby up from nursing home today,he is happy to be home........im not too bad myself, I go back to Drs tomorow after changing my tabs 2 weeks ago to see how I am, I do think im better than was ,but im still not my usual self, my energy levels have perked up a bit..........

I wonder what its going to take to get back to normal again? our lives have changed so much since hubby had the stroke so I think what we see is what we get.........I wonder if im in denial over his stroke, because when he was in a brain rehabilitation centre the Dr there told me I was in denial...........

Well I dont see the same person any longer as much as I want to, he has changed so much.........I do believe that now after 2.5 yrs after the stroke that what we see is what we get, he is very slightly mobile and will always need 24/7 care..........

The Social Services should be starting from to tomorow morning coming in to shower him etc......I hope it works out......it sure will help my work load because in the mornings I usually wake up to high sugar levels and feel quite rough, and the last thing I need to do is shower,dressing care work, when I really need to sort my own medicines out, so it will help me so much once the routine starts..........

Ive been off line for 10 days or so, so Ive not caught up with the postings, well I will try my very best to keep him living here as normal as possible, I dont want to put him in care home for life, it seems much too early at 51 yrs old to be in there, and people seem to forget that he was once their friends ,he use to go out doing various sports, fishing etc,.....

But after a few months people tail off and you dont see them at all, its so unfair, and if you bump into one of his so called friends , they say" Oh I must pop up and see gary sometime, oh by the way ive been so busy doing so and so".......to me I feel like saying something to them, its bad when people use pathetic excuses to why they have not been to visit him, , I feel like saying ...."he can talk he as not lost his speech..".......im sorry to come on here and sound bitter but im talking about friends that he has known for years .......gary say (well its a case of out of sight out of mind....)....he just misses his old life and friends so much..........im off to bed very soon, catch you all soon.....

Hippeechiq

Thanks for your replies blackandwhitebunny & stiltwalker....that's some memory you've got there about my garden being all laid down to patio

Nice tip re the courgettes and household waste, I'll try to remember that. Thanks also for telling me how much compost I'll need stiltwalker

I'm having no joy trying to source some cheap black plastic buckets. Have tried 3 florists, and have also tried to get some from A$da. Last week their website was showing black buckets at 99p. Got OH to go and have a measure how large they are in his lunch break - as the website didn't state a size - and they've sold out!

Next cheapest I can find is at £1.99 in H0mebase. Having looked at the website my Dad has ordered the plants from, it seems I'll actually be getting 3 Cucumber & 3 Courgette, but even so, with the 6 tomato plants I already have, the 6 Pepper plants coming and the 6 Aubergine, if every plant needs it's own bucket, I'm looking at 24 buckets, so I may have to rethink what I grow them in as My Dad sent me £40 to spend on compost & containers and 24 buckets alone would be best part of £48 @ £1.99 a pop. The only other thing I can think of is carrier bags, which, IMHO is going to look awful if I need 24, and it will make it more difficult for me to move if I need to.

Alternatively, I could give some of my plants to DDs boyfriends family as they like to grow a few fruit and veg. I'm not a Courgette fan, or Aubergine come to it - except in stir fries - so I may offer 5 Aubergine Plants, 1 Cucumber, 2 Courgette and maybe even a Pepper Plant to them, then I'll need around 16 containers, although even then, it wont leave much for compost, and I need plant feed too :think: could I grow them all in grow bags? H0mebase do a 33L grow bag with great user reviews. If I could get 3 plants to a bag then I'd only need 6 bags (if I give 6 plants away).

If I had a car, I'd have a mosey around a few places and see what's available, but I don't anymore

sistercas

shegar wrote: »

Hello everyone and many thanks for your kind words and thoughts.........not too much happening right now, picked hubby up from nursing home today,he is happy to be home........im not too bad myself, I go back to Drs tomorow after changing my tabs 2 weeks ago to see how I am, I do think im better than was ,but im still not my usual self, my energy levels have perked up a bit..........

I wonder what its going to take to get back to normal again? our lives have changed so much since hubby had the stroke so I think what we see is what we get.........I wonder if im in denial over his stroke, because when he was in a brain rehabilitation centre the Dr there told me I was in denial...........

Well I dont see the same person any longer as much as I want to, he has changed so much.........I do believe that now after 2.5 yrs after the stroke that what we see is what we get, he is very slightly mobile and will always need 24/7 care..........

The Social Services should be starting from to tomorow morning coming in to shower him etc......I hope it works out......it sure will help my work load because in the mornings I usually wake up to high sugar levels and feel quite rough, and the last thing I need to do is shower,dressing care work, when I really need to sort my own medicines out, so it will help me so much once the routine starts..........

Ive been off line for 10 days or so, so Ive not caught up with the postings, well I will try my very best to keep him living here as normal as possible, I dont want to put him in care home for life, it seems much too early at 51 yrs old to be in there, and people seem to forget that he was once their friends ,he use to go out doing various sports, fishing etc,.....

But after a few months people tail off and you dont see them at all, its so unfair, and if you bump into one of his so called friends , they say" Oh I must pop up and see gary sometime, oh by the way ive been so busy doing so and so".......to me I feel like saying something to them, its bad when people use pathetic excuses to why they have not been to visit him, , I feel like saying ...."he can talk he as not lost his speech..".......im sorry to come on here and sound bitter but im talking about friends that he has known for years .......gary say (well its a case of out of sight out of mind....)....he just misses his old life and friends so much..........im off to bed very soon, catch you all soon.....

couldnt read and run,
please make sure you look after yourself as it can be so hard when you have to take care of someone else , accept any help offered to you.
could you speak to his friends and tell them how gary would love to see them? ( i know you shouldnt have to but people shy away from illness), tell them he hasnt lost his speech as sometimes people are frightened of not being able to understand what they are saying
i hope gary continues to improve
take care of yourself x

GreyQueen

Shegar I'm so glad to see you back again and really hope that the Social Services help works out for you.

hippeechiq I don't know if they still do these as my orbit doesn't cross theirs very often these days but Morrisons used to sell those black plastic bucket-pots at 10 for £1.99 if I recall correctly, in their floristry bit. Maybe you have a Mr M near you and could check it out? I got mine years ago from a bootfair, got loads, still going strong. I poked drainage holes with a skewer into the bottoms of most of them to make them into flowerpots but have one or two intact which I use as buckets/ bins around the home.

On the subject of courgettes, I did something new with mine last year and they did very well. For complicated reasons which I won't bore you with, I have a berm of earth about 2 feet tall on the lottie and last year I hollowed out bowls into this, filled with compost from the bottom on the bin (circa 2 years old I reckon) and buried a 4 pinter plastic milk bottle with multiple holes in base and sides alongside the courgettes (raised inside). The bottles were to serve as watering points and were soon disguised by the huge spreading leaves. I'd fill them with water from the can and let it seep underground to the roots.

The courgettes loved it, as they're thirsty bunnies and we are on very light soil and had a terrible drought. This year I'll do it again and have also planted bottles amoung my broad bean rows as they need a lot of water when they are flowering and making seeds.

I mostly don't water my lottie as I figure the plants should be encouraged to grow good deep roots and sort themselves out but I make exceptions for seedlings and a few thristies like the squash, beans and peas. I get bumper crops of spuds even in a drought. I think it's because I put a lot of organic matter into the ground first. My rationale is that I'd need to put so much water on the spuds to make a difference that it wouldn't be feasible; I'd just be encouraging surface weed growth and they don't need any help!

If anyone has any tips for dryland horticulture (maybe someone has lived and gardened somewhere abroad that's very dry?) I'd love to hear them.

((Hugs to all))

PS My Turks Turban squash have finally poked their heads above the compost, hurrah.

ceridwen

Shegar

Hi. Sorry about this situation.

Two thoughts:
1. Have you been in touch with a help group for those with strokes and their carers, eg:

www.strokesupport.group.org/

www.stroke.org.uk

2. The other thought is "dont give it a thought" - ie about that comment made to you by your doctor about you "being in denial". I certainly wouldnt! Dont go taking his/her word for it - just because they are a doctor and you arent!

The fact that someone is a professional in their field and you may not be a professional in any field doesnt necessarily mean they are more capable of assessing a situation than you (ie the person concerned) are.

There are a lot of people in this world who do have an element of self-delusion in their "make-up" and tell themselves that things are different to what they actually are. This is very common and it is understandable that doctors (and others....) will have come across many of them. BUT - that does NOT mean to say that YOU are in that category. From what you say - I would say that you have a good grasp of your own situation and this doctor is just taking the easy way out (for him) of applying a "blanket label" to you - even though it isnt merited in this instance. If you were someone who did self-delusion/being in denial - would you even be asking yourself if this were the case? No you wouldnt. Anyone who actually was "in denial" would definitely not be asking themselves any such question. The fact that you ARE asking yourself that question - to me shows that you are quite well aware of exactly what your situation is like and certainly NOT in denial.

So - put that doctors comment right out of your mind. Understand why he made it - but that it is not applicable to you personally.

mardatha

Absolutely second what Ceridwen said re doctors. Shegar you don't sound ok pet. Stop trying so hard to cope and just tread water for a bit xxx. Re his friends, they probly do want to come but just don't know what to say to him.. people are afraid of hurting feelings if they just chat about their normal lives, but company does help.

mrswive

I'd like to thank whoever posted the tip re cooking pasta/rice by bringing back to the boil then turning off the gas and leaving for the required time (sorry I can't remember who it was). I've done this a couple of times and it does indeed work a treat. I reckon if this method was used just 3 times a week it would add up to 26 hours of unused gas/electricity a year. I don't know how much that would save cashwise, but I do know that there's no way I would leave a gas ring on for 26 hours for no reason!!

kidcat

Shergar - take care and get all the help you can (hugs).

Hippiechiq - have you considered ikea bags for your plants at 40p each they would be alot cheaper than buckets.

lostinrates

I feel so much better today. I slept easily and woke at 5 fully rested so got my morning chores done early. As well as downing water all day yesterday I also took one of the prescription pills I was on last year got got pulled by the pill licensing people. It reminded me how fab they were. So much so I'm considering going to see a doctor outside EU privately to get them . I didn't need a nap in the middle of the day, I worked at the speed of a normal person and I got stuff done without weepy exhaustion and aching....

Today its just extra water, but waking up feeling more positive having had ''a human day'' is just the most amazing feeling! I feel boosted by that alone! And that the amazing run of bank holidays mean DH will be at home a lot!