Sibling Rivalry - has she stolen from me? Advice needed

shellsuit

My God, I feel awful if I have to borrow £10 from the babies glass (there's a glass in the cupboard with about £120 in it which the baby got at Christmas but I'm keeping to get garden toys for him once we get some warmer weather) and it's always put back within a week!

I'd check too, as the account should have a named adult on it and I'm guessing that is you (as you opened it) so I have no idea how your sister was able to access all the money, unless she had the passbook, said she was you and of course she would have had ID for her daughter.

What she has done is dispicable. I know times can get hard, but to have a pop at you about it and not seem sorry at all or mention repaying it back is disgusting.

Any

MoneyMaLady wrote: »

I could start paying into my own account for my niece but my sister has said she doesn't want anything from me ever again. Very easy to when you've already had nearly £2K!

Looks like I'll just have to get over it!

But the whole point that SHE (your sister) was never supposed to have anything from you!!

She cannot talk for her daughter on the day of her 18th Birthday..

If your niece won't want the money then, it is her decision... but you are not giving anything to your sister, but to your niece!!

starnight_2

shellsuit wrote: »

I'd check too, as the account should have a named adult on it and I'm guessing that is you (as you opened it) so I have no idea how your sister was able to access all the money, unless she had the passbook, said she was you and of course she would have had ID for her daughter.

Do you remember putting your sisters name on the account anywhere? Otherwise I would have assumed you were the names adult. Wether she had the passbook or not should not really matter, she would have had to sign for the money which she surely would not be able to do if she was not on the account to start with? I know this is the way it works for my sons passbook, it's my signature and only I can lift it for him, until he reaches 18 of course.

Devi

I save monthly for my nieces too and I know my brother would be tempted to dip in to their accounts every now and again if he was short so that is why I opted to pay in their child trust fund accounts as I know that way the money goes directly to them at 18 which they can use for their eduction or a blow-out holiday!

I appreciate what other posters have said about being given the money later in life so I may encourage them to roll the money over into another savings account that they can use to pay off student loans or put towards a deposit for their own place.

paddy's_mum

I've said this before but it bears repeating here.

£1900 is a very small price to pay to find out that someone who you might have trusted further at some time in the future is a thief of the lowest kind, totally without scruple or morality. People pay tracing or reference agents a lot more than that in order to find out the calibre of the person with whom they are dealing.

Think of it like this - you might have paid in loads more money over the next ten years and only found out at the eleventh hour that all of it had been stolen.

I do hope that the larger family are aware of what's happened so that they too are forewarned and forearmed. I can't imagine this skulldugger can have any grounds for objecting to the truth becoming known since you're not slandering her, are you?!!

tara747

MoneyMaLady wrote: »

Well we had a verbal agreement that she wouldn't be allowed to p*** it up the wall, lol.

To be fair, she can afford to save and doesn't. She's married and they have a nice big house and the kids get spoiled every christmas (yeah, I have a nephew too but he's 4 and my Mum pays into his account, not sure if she's messed with that one or what). I'm single and managing! To have tried to do something nice for my niece and have it thrown in my face like this really bites

How awful. I feel for you, it was so nice of you to make a monthly sacrifice for your niece's future, esp. since you are less well off than your sister. Your sister needs to be told to pay this money back before her daughter's 18th birthday. And you might want to make your mum aware of this too, in case your sister has done the same with her son's account.

Gigglepig

What an unpleasant thing to happen. Please continue supporting your niece - it sounds like she needs you :-)

What about your brother in law/niece's father, what does he say? He should be protecting the best interests of your niece as well.

If you do talk to your sister, keep in mind she may have found herself in a very difficult situation, and that from her point of view she may have thought she was doing what was best for your niece, and felt that she should be able to spend the money as she saw fit because the daughter was so young. So tell her you love her and that you don't want to ruin your relationship because of this. I am not trying to defend her by the way - I think it was morally wrong of her to spend the money! Badly behaved, but she still your family.

It sounds like a good idea if she can set up a monthly direct debit of at least 10 or 20 pounds, to repay the money at some time (though your niece would miss out on the interest).

Your sister already sounds quite defensive about things. If she does not agree to repay, you could point out if there are any legal issues (e.g. check the account details carefully) - but it is probably better for the family peace and your relationship with your sister if you ask nicely rather than "threaten" with legal issues, if you see where I am coming from.

This is a hard lesson but thanks for posting about it - if I am to give gifts to children in the future I will consider carefully which type of account the money goes into.

jackyann

If you can bear to, I would continue to save for your neice - whether in a dedicated account as suggested, or just one that you have earmarked for her.
Even before she is 18, you & she can & should have a relationship that is independent of her mother (sounds like she'll need it!) and whatever gift you choose to give her should be negotiated through that. She will be grateful for whatever you have saved for her.

Although it is more tax-efficient to put the savings in the child's name, some of our family members have simply saved in their own name, both to keep control, and in the event of many neices / nephews / grandchildren, being able to save what they can afford, then share out fairly.

MoneyMaLady

Quick update if anyone is interested!

Me and my sister are still not speaking. Over the last fortnight she has passed up 2 opportunities to see me at my parent's house - not to discuss our falling out but simply to have a civilised meal.

On the plus side after 5 weeks of zero contact I have finally seen my niece and nephew and my relationships with them are thankfully undamaged.

As far as the money goes, my sister continues to spend happily and claim she pays back as much as she can every week. My Mum has agreed to ask her for the pass books to both my niece and nephew's accounts (Mum pays into his and at the moment we don't know if she's borrowed that too) so that she can monitor repayments and I can focus on repairing my relationship with my sister. This will also prevent future incidents!

It remains to be seen if my sister agrees to hand them over!

katerinasol

Hopefully you will sort everything out! Keep us updated as to whether she agrees to do this!