When does name calling become bullying and when do you, as a parent, step in?

gingin_2

Ds has one major trouble maker in his class. He has picked/bullied on many kids both physically and verbally, they are year 6. For the past week he has been calling DS a "gay pervert" ( sorry if that offends ). The teacher has been told by my ds but is pretty ineffective.

This child is known to have huge issues and in a way I feel sorry for him but I will not have my son targeted. Ds is doing really well at school at the moment and I don't want anything to spoil his sats and transition into senior school, so I want to nip this in the bud fast.

At what point woud you, as a parent step in? I am quite prepared to hear that I am over-reacting but just wanted some advice in case this is ongoing.

Thanks

skylight

Speak to the teacher today. It could be possible that your son hasn't told them or she doesn't realise how this is upsetting him. It also lets the teacher know that you know (IYSWIM) and can act as a reminder to actually do something.

Harriebabe

Hi, I think that if you're going to be at the school sometime anyway, I see no harm in mentioning the name calling to your son's teacher and let them know that it's upsetting you (and him). I don't think this would be an over-reaction, but if so, it wouldn't stop me anyway! I would hope this would be enough for the teacher to step in properly ....

The term gay is used as an insult at my son's school too and I have explained to him on how many levels it is wrong and he now understands that it's not a term to be thrown around as an insult (he's 8 and doesn't totally understand).

Nicki

At this time of year with sats not too far off I'd act quicker than I might otherwise do. Generally I have a very hand-off approach to any spats the kids get into at school, but there are some things you can't just let go.

Homophobic remarks are one of the few kinds of playground bullying which the school is obligated to record, and they have to report the number of incidents they have had to both the local authority and the school governors at pretty regular intervals (I get a report from the local authority once a quarter giving the stats for all the schools in the authority as I am Chair of Governors at one school). So I would expect the school to act on this once you let them know what is going on.

gingin_2

Thanks everyone

Nicki, should I remind the school that this needs to be recorded? Cynical me thinks they might not want to do so. Especially as ds has told his teacher and as far as we are aware, nothing has been done.

Got to run off on school run but will be back later

balletshoes

hmmm - how upset is your son about this? ie if he already knows this other lad picks on random folk and calls them names, he may be aware himself that its just his turn and it will pass (i'm not saying its right, but it may be the reality of the situation).

if he's very upset to the stage that he's not able to focus on his schoolwork etc, i'd say talk to the teacher with him.

year 6s can be pretty horrible to other kids in their class and in their school - some of them reckon they are big fish in a small pond, especially if your school stops at year 6 and then they go up to secondary school. those same kids who think they're big fish will be little tiddlers in a much bigger sea next year. my DD is in a split year with year 6s (she's year 5) and its taken both her and I a bit by surprise, how different it is and how to cope with it.

Nicki

You could do it on a roundabout way. Ask how many incidents were recorded last year as you are wondering whether this is a one off or a recurrrent problem in the playground. Demanding they record your own incident might come across as heavy-handed, and whilst it should be recorded, tactically if you want them to sort this out quickly and quietly a more softly softly approach might be more effective. Depends on the school and personalities really, but I don't often have to go in guns blazing with any of my children's schools as a polite but well informed approach usually does the job.

red_devil

gingin wrote: »

Ds has one major trouble maker in his class. He has picked/bullied on many kids both physically and verbally, they are year 6. For the past week he has been calling DS a "gay pervert" ( sorry if that offends ). The teacher has been told by my ds but is pretty ineffective.

This child is known to have huge issues and in a way I feel sorry for him but I will not have my son targeted. Ds is doing really well at school at the moment and I don't want anything to spoil his sats and transition into senior school, so I want to nip this in the bud fast.

At what point woud you, as a parent step in? I am quite prepared to hear that I am over-reacting but just wanted some advice in case this is ongoing.

Thanks

do his parents know what he is like? couldnt they be told. Where do they get all these horrible words from?

Plans_all_plans

Personally I'd inform the class teacher if it continues for much longer. Tell them if you don't see an improvement in a fortnight that you will have to mention it to the Headteacher.

In governor's meetings they have a confidential section at the end where they discuss racist/abusive incidents within the school and if the child is doing this particular sort of name calling regularly, a one day exclusion may be deemed useful by the Head.

ekkygirl

Invite him for tea, sounds like he needs some love. If you really feel sorry for him try and help!

Kittendreich

Does the school not have a bullying policy? I also thought all schools taught pupils about bullying...so could pick it up through that? As you know it is not just your son then I would speak to the teacher - problems or not the boy shouldn't be allowed to run amok with insults looking for targets. Also make sure you keep talking to your son about this and keep his confidence up - being self assured and unfazed by stupid comments is the best way to avoid being the attention of bullies (although without the school stepping in the problem will just move onto someone else).