When does name calling become bullying and when do you, as a parent, step in?

Auntie-Dolly

Don't forget, he probably doesn't really know what a 'gay pervert' is and although name calling is unpleasant it is just words. My year 6 son would have been mortified if I had gone to the school about something - does he want you to step in?

nzmegs

I think if it is serious enough for your child to tell you then it is serious enough to report. Boys of that age are notorious for not telling their parents anything. So I think he is asking for your help. The bully doesn't need to know it was you who reported it and chances are he has been saying stuff like this to other kids too, so it could be anyone who has told the teacher. Not doing something may come across as not caring and your child may become reluctant to tell you things in the future.

ailuro2

We had a problem child in my DD's class, had a habit of punching boys for no reason... I warned DD to keep well away from him, but he got moved into the seat next to her in class ( I suspect it was because DD is pretty mature and they hoped she'd be a calming influence) She ignored the name calling and did her best not to react too hastily when he did his best to wind her up.

(Almost inevitably) DD came home with navy blue bruise on upper arm on second last day of school. Even though the next day was only a half day I made a point of going into school and letting them know in no uncertain terms I'd be contacting the police next time my DD was assaulted in their school, that I knew the boy had problems but felt he should be in a special school where he would have a better teacher to child ratio to help deal with him. As soon as I found out what happened I e-mailed the school to let them know I'd be ringing up in the morning, and copied the e-mail to the head of Education in the council...
It might sound extreme, but imho they had already spent a year trying to work with the boy - they wer 10 years old, he had been moved from another school to DD's school.

From the first instance let them know you are not going to listen to "problem child" excuses. After a few months of the new term the boy was moved to a school that was more appropriate for his needs, and the class is much happier now, spends a lot less time trying to solve issues surrounding the boy....

fwiw the head told me the mother was in agreement that his behaviour was unacceptable and was working with the school to improve it... however the mother has substance abuse problems so I doubt she is really "on board" at all.

Sorry to ramble on so long, just wanted to say don't put up with name calling, as if you let him away with it then he might think it's OK to raise it up a level.

Best Wishes, hope he gets on OK.

red_devil

ekkygirl wrote: »

Invite him for tea, sounds like he needs some love. If you really feel sorry for him try and help!

how can she try and help him? its not her place too her concern is for the safety of her child. Its up to the school or the boys parents to do something if necessary.

pollys

Please go in and tell the teacher or Head. I work as a Learning Mentor in a primary school and we need the full picture. Your child may not be the only one being called names, the more information the school has the better. If your son has mentioned this to you he is upset, if nothing is done he might not tell next time. Please don't invite the other child for tea, imagine having someone in your own home, which is where we (should) feel safe, secure and respected who is causing so much upset. As for the name used, sadly name calling like this, and worse, is heard so much in primary schools now.

pollys

gingin_2

Eugh, just wrote out a long reply and lost it...

It has been a better day with no name calling. Ds does not seem upset by it, he was more telling me about it in the context of how his day went. Ds is so laid back he is horizontal and is the last person this other lad will get a rise out of, so I hope that in itself is enough to stop it. I, however, am like a mother lion and just want to protect my cubs. I will mention to the teacher that I am aware of it and if it happens once more will insist that he is at the very least spoken to.

Sorry, but he's not coming for tea.

Thanks for some really, really good advice.