Recently had a surprise baby, want to make sure I'm doing things right....

Britneys_Firefly

Hi all,

Well as the thread title suggests, two weeks ago I had a surprise baby. Yes I didnt know I was pregnant until I was 2cm dilatated and in labour in hospital, I went to a+e thinking I had a water infection:eek:

Anywayz, two weeks down the line, and my mum is now back at work, so this is the first morning since little ones birth that I have had the place and time to breathe and think about paperwork, and I want to check that I'm atleast making a start in the right direction.

Pre-baby i was already claiming working tax credit, ok it was a very small amount per month, so I have been on the phone to them and updated my claim, for that and child tax credit.

I have yet to send off the form for child benefit, although i have it because little one isnt registered yet (trying to get dad to come in on the birth certificate but as you can imagine its a bit of a shock for him too!).

Is there anything else I should be filling in, looking at?. I have applied to the local council to start 'bidding' for a property, this i have been told will be atleast 2-3 weeks before i can start. I am currently living with my mum in her rented house, as my flat where i was living as a singleton is in no fit state for a newborn.

Can anybody suggest how I bring the conversation about payments from the father, baring in mind for the first week of little one's life he didnt know about him (i had to dig deep to get a contact number!) and only in the last few days have i started having a small amount of interest in his newborn. I dont want to scare him off, but he does have a responsiblity too!.

Thanks in advance!

busiscoming2

I can't offer any practical advice but wanted to say 'Wow' and congratulations!

building_with_lego

WOW!
Congratulations! Don't worry too much about not being 'ready'- even those of us who knew we were pregnant find it all a bit of a shock at first too .

I guess I'd just keep involving Dad, keep talking and when you're a bit more used to the situation you can start talking about how involved he'd like to be. Good luck!

mrs_marty

Congratulations what a lovely surprise, are you working? If so you will receive maternity pay, if not then speak to the job centre as they will help work out if you are entitled to maternity allowance or other benefits.

I would approach Dad gently but firmly about contributions and have any agreement reached written down for both of you, the other way is the CSA they would set up a formal arrangement.

Amanda65

As I resembled a recently beached whale in all three of my pregnancies I cannot imagine how people don't know - it was sooooooo obvious to anyone who glanced in my direction :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:.
I cannot imagine the shock either of thinking you had a wee infection and to arrive home with a baby :eek: Well done you for getting your head round it so quickly and starting to bond with your little one.

Other than the advice already given, and everything you have done already yourself, I would recommend you register with the baby clubs at all the supermarkets to get yourself on the mailing list for vouchers and offers. Also use your Health Visitor / NCT to get you in contact with other new mums in the area as you obviously you won't have any ante-natal chums ! Support from those in the same position as me was very very important and I picked up loads of advice from other mums.

Finally, with regard to the Dad, it has obviously been a huge shock for him as well - especially as from the searching for his number comment I assume you aren't a couple. However that does not absolve him from responsibility and I think I would be tempted to invite him round to see the baby and for a chat about how you move forward from this.

Finally - good luck Let us know when he/she has a name x

alfiesmum

Gosh it's just like that new series starting on Sky this week! Unbelieveable! Congratulations! If I were you I'd just spend time bonding with your son/daughter (sorry you only say little one and newborn). I think reading between the lines you're quite rightly in shock, and if I were you I'd stuff the paperwork for a while longer, and just cuddle your new baby, you're a mum, enjoy it.

Britneys_Firefly

Thanks everyone...

I had a lovely little boy, and his name is Jenson-James (Yes can you tell I'm a huge motorsports fan and Jenson Button is my favourite driver lol!).

I was working, full time obviously right up until that night, work have been fantastic and the other day went through all my maternity pay with me, its what it come in the future thats worrying me, flexiable working hours and child care!, but im sure it will all sort itself out.

No me and dad are no longer a couple, we were only together fairly briefly last year, part of the reason why my little bundle was such a shock is because since the age of 18 i have been told that i would never be able to concieve child naturally, or without serious help. So to not only fall pregnant but then for me to not feel him throughout the whole pregnancy is a mircle. I gained a little weight, but only towards the end, and as this coinsided with christmas I just put it all down to too much pie and pudding lol!

looby75

OMG I can't imagain what a shock it must have been for you. I didn't find out I was expecting my first until I was almost 5 months pg and my sister found out she was expecting her last when she was 30 weeks and those where both huge shocks but not to find out until you were in labour.....wow!

Anyway congratulations on the birth of your miracle baby . It sounds like you are doing everything right. Until you get your son registered theres not a lot more you can do.

It's great that work have been good with you, don't worry too much about childcare etc right now just spend time with your son. Have you decided how much maternity leave you are going to take?

I absolutely agree with what Amanda65 suggested about meeting up with other new mums. I moved to a new area towards the end of my first pregnancy and didn't know any other mums and felt very isolated for years, well until dd started nursery at 3 but as soon as I started to mix with other mums things got a lot better. I wish I'd known about mother and baby groups etc when she was a baby.

My advice for the dad.....well I would say don't expect too much too soon. You've got a hormonal link with your son, the dad doesn't have that and it's bound to take him a bit longer to bond (if he does at all) and as for the financial side, well it's probably best to leave it for a while if you can, as you say it's early days.

jazzyman01

During her pregnancy my sister went from a size 10 to a size 12, no bump nothing and had each one at full term. No one could tell she was pregnant and were really surprised when she went on maternity leave (usually in the last 2 weeks) and turned up with a baby shortly thereafter!

Enjoy your son - before you know it they will be at school. Your local paper, doctors surgery etc will give you information on clubs to join and as you build your network you will find out the best childcare etc.

delain

Re Birth Certificate, I think that the father can be added to it at a later date if he has a paternity test (I might be wrong) obviously he has had a shock as well, though not as much as you!

Well done on your son.

Enjoy every minute, they grow up too fast!

gingin_2

Congratuations!

You could try contacting some of the ladies/lifestyle magazines to see if they would be interested in paying to write an article about it. I just typed "how to sell a story to a magazine" into google and loads of websites came up. I think they pay quite well and might get you a bit of extra cash. Just the fact that you were working that very night is amazing!

Enjoy your time with Jenson-James