A relative in need....

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

tsstss7 wrote: »

Child to school breakfast club 8.00am (earliest start) - drive to work for 8.45 park car walk to work for 9.00am for start one hour later than everyone else so also had to finish one hr later at 5pm. Then walk from work to car park and drive to school just in time for 6pm pick up......stressful? yes. Car an absolute neccesity, definately.

You won't belive the number of times a normally mild mannered mum like me was sat swearing on her car at "nice" people in cars in front letting other probably equally nice people in cars into the traffic queue when I am soon to be late for picking ds up from a soon to to be closing after school club.

I couldn't have took public transport - it takes longer and is unreliable......when you have primary age chidren being late is just not an option.

When you have primary age children and don't have a car, you get over the injustice in the world and get up half an hour earlier. Walk to the kids' club, drop off at 8, sprint to the bus stop, catch bus some time between 8.10 and 8.35, sit in traffic jam consisting mostly of one woman in each car, dash to catch connecting bus/train/tram (delete as applicable), get dropped off closer than the car parks, nip in the door at 8.58am.

Leave work on the dot, do it all again in reverse, watching drivers blocking buses from exiting junctions because they are presumably the only people in the world who have somewhere to get to, trot down the road to the school for the kids' club, nearly get run over by the people abandoning their cars right by the gates, pick children up, get passed by the people driving their offspring as you walk home.

It would be nice to drive, but it certainly isn't a necessity.

tsstss7

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

When you have primary age children and don't have a car, you get over the injustice in the world and get up half an hour earlier. Walk to the kids' club, drop off at 8, sprint to the bus stop, catch bus some time between 8.10 and 8.35, sit in traffic jam consisting mostly of one woman in each car, dash to catch connecting bus/train/tram (delete as applicable), get dropped off closer than the car parks, nip in the door at 8.58am.

Leave work on the dot, do it all again in reverse, watching drivers blocking buses from exiting junctions because they are presumably the only people in the world who have somewhere to get to, trot down the road to the school for the kids' club, nearly get run over by the people abandoning their cars right by the gates, pick children up, get passed by the people driving their offspring as you walk home.

It would be nice to drive, but it certainly isn't a necessity.

In your opinion?

For me it was. Your senario isn't even vaguely possible for the timescales involved, the two buses I would have had to catch would have taken over an hour to get me late to work- I drove because I had to and that was that - I'm not a snob - I think public transport is way less stress than driving. (certainlyI would have prefered not to pay to run a car and 20/wk on parking.)

heretolearn_2

I feel for her - she's been let down big time by her partner BUT it sounds that what she is doing now is a big self-pity fest and she just wants to hear 'oh you poor thing, tut tut' rather than actually wanting practical help. Either that or she was just letting off steam and things aren't as bad as she made it sound.
Her excuses are rubbish. It's no good saying 'woe is me' if you wallow in the situation, and she does.

She has a car that she cant afford, just a small 5-door, nothing flash, but she cant downgrade it because she cant get finance for anything else.
1) she may not need a car. 2) she doesn't need THAT car. And she doesn't need finance. She could sell it and go buy an old banger for a few hundred quid and have some cash left over, by the sound of it.

She is up to her eyes in debt (she basically had to fund both maternities by credit card, cos they guy was a bum and hardly worked). How do you get up to your eyes in debt buying a few baby things? Babies don't actually cost that much unless you WANT to spend loads of money. Her choice to go mad with the credit cards, her problem.

'Hasn't got time' to find out about the working tax credits, child tax credits and childcare costs she WILL be entitled to. That's the biggest loads of rubbish I've ever heard. The Tax credit information is available on-line, the helpline is open till 8pm and is open on Saturdays, you seriously believe she can't find 5 minutes somehow to do this if she were in such dire straits?

Sorry, I think she's after something, but it's not real help. Sympathy, money from you, admiration as super martyr mum, who knows.

Just tell her she can easily get the tax credit information if she wants, and don't listen to any more of her whinging.

esmf73

If you wanted to offer practical help, and you're close enough and you're able to.... Are you able to look after the children a couple of days a week? Just a thought. You don't have to do it free. My thought was this:

Look after the children on two days, feed them (just whatever you're eating) and let mum pick them up. Charge the amount that the nursery charges for one child on one day. Then she has three extra amounts available. I would only offer to do this though if she started helping herself - looking into all the excellent suggestions above. Best of luck

clearingout

she is earning in a difficult bracket - a lot of government support falls away with that salary but it's still a low wage when you're on your own, dealing with debt and childcare costs. Depending on what she does for a living, reducing her hours might entitle her to more support and make her better off (marginally) on a pound in the pocket basis. If she plays around with the calculator (and assuming she's in a job where she could potentially reduce her hours) on www.entitledto.co.uk, she can see what a difference it might make. The other thing to consider is the stress factor - working part-time with 2 children could be better than full time but obviously, she needs to weigh up her career long term and whether or not part-time now could reduce her promotion potential in the future.

My ex husband left me 2 years ago and it is only now that I am beginning to get my act together and plan my future. I have three children under 7, the youngest of which is only 18 months and I know I couldn't work where I live without a car to get me between school and a potential work place. It can be hard to come to terms with being a 'single mum on benefits' - it was 4 months before I could bear to claim anything and although I did the Tax Credit thing by phone, it was still a humilliating experience because it felt I was asking for money and was no longer independent and in control of things. Suddenly, your life falls away and you're fitting into stereotypes and that's not pleasant. But it is also a benefit of living in a welfare state - that it helps pick you up when you need it and gives you time to sort things out. I'd have lost everything, including my children to my ex (who made it quite clear he had every intention of breaking me, making my homeless and taking the children) without the system to fall back on. I now own my own home and am moving forwards at a rate of knots so it's all good. But hard to see the wood for the trees in the early days. Be kind to her and let her go at her own pace.

Becles

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Sorry, I don't hold with the 'I have to have a car to get to work'. It's more convenient, maybe quicker, but it is rarely an absolute necessity.

It depends on what the OP's job is. I certainly couldn't do my job without a car.

the_cat

esmf73 wrote: »

If you wanted to offer practical help, and you're close enough and you're able to.... Are you able to look after the children a couple of days a week? Just a thought. You don't have to do it free. My thought was this:

Look after the children on two days, feed them (just whatever you're eating) and let mum pick them up. Charge the amount that the nursery charges for one child on one day. Then she has three extra amounts available. I would only offer to do this though if she started helping herself - looking into all the excellent suggestions above. Best of luck

As great as this would be, would the OP not have to be a registered childminder to do this?


(unless you are of course, OP:D)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

OK, as she is incapable of using the entitled to website, I have assumed she is 38, has a mortgage, council tax of £1500 a year, £300 childcare fees a week and finished maternity leave over 12 months ago, and is working over 30 hours a week on a salary of £22,000 pa.




She would get Tax credits of £16,163.90 or £309.99 per week in Working Tax Credit and Child Tax Credit.

She would get Council Tax Benefit of £478.12 monthly or £9.17 a week, reducing her liability to £19.59 per week from £28 ish. (Note, I assumed a £1500 council tax bill there)

She would also receive Child Benefit of £1,757.21 annually or £33.70 a week.

Her Total Entitlements £18,399.23 £352.86 weekly

On top of this, she would have her wages (£17105.93 after tax, NI, etc, £328.96 a week) and at some point, any maintenance her ex is made to pay her.


How in Hades is she too poor to do anything other than moan with an income of £352.86 + £328.96 = £681.82 a week/nearly £3000 every month?