A relative in need....

shell820810

I have a relative with 2 kids under 4. She is a well educated professional that got involved with the wrong guy (father of her kids). They have split and she is really struggling now and I dont know how to help?!

She is on a decent wage, maybe £22-23K, but is finding it hard to make ends meet.

She has a car that she cant afford, just a small 5-door, nothing flash, but she cant downgrade it because she cant get finance for anything else.
She is up to her eyes in debt (she basically had to fund both maternities by credit card, cos they guy was a bum and hardly worked).
She works full time, and by the time she has childcare paid for, bills, debt, car, etc etc she has nothing left, and sometimes cant even cover that.
The kids were in childcare 3 days and with the dad the other 2 but now he is so unreliable she is forced to put them in childcare 5 days a week, which she cant afford.
He isnt working, so she is not getting anything from him, and most of her debt is probably his.

I would assume her wage is too high to get any decent help, but she says she cant get time to find out. By the time she gets home from work all those places are closed, and she has no annual leave til after April.

Any advice i can give her.

ailuro2

Get her to look at https://www.entitledto.co.uk to see what she is entitled to in help from the government.

shell820810

ailuro2 wrote: »

Get her to look at www.entitledto.co.uk to see what she is entitled to in help from the government.

Looks very useful, thanks

JoJoB

It sounds like she needs to get control of her debts, which payplan and cccs can help with. They can arrange debt management solutions such as debt management plans or IVAs etc. A debt management plan would involve rrequesting that her creditors freeze all interest and charges and accept a lower monthly payment that she can afford. This solution may take the pressure off, and is something she can investigate online after work hours. Their advisors will be able to ring her out of work hours too.

Only Payplan or CCCS mind - they are the ones who take no fee for arranging these plans, but other debt management companies out there will take a cut of her monthly payments.

Point her in the direction of the debt board on here, lots of people will be able to advise her.

gratefulforhelp_2

Is she claiming child tax credits, she should get the child and the childcare element of these if her childcare is ofsted registered.

Plans_all_plans

Firstly I'd show her this site: the debt free wannbe board, the Old Style Money Saving board and the Benefits board would be a wealth of information.

Secondly, has she spoken to the CSA?

Lookm on here about tax credits: she should get most of her childcare covered by tax credits. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/index.htm

JoJoB

Also, she could book a benefits check with the CAB - would need to book a morning/afternoon off work though.

But yes, she should be eligible for child tax credits, and possibly working tax credit as she is a single parent working more than 30 hours per week. Also single person discount on council tax.

Does she rent or have a mortgage? If a mortgage she might be able to go interest only for a while till expenses like childcare ease up (when the youngest is in FT education).

And like Plans says - she should get a childcare element of child tax credits to help with childcare costs. It is very possible she has assumed that because she is earning a half decent wage that she is not entitled to any state help.

Or it could be that her debt situation is so desperate that it is eating up every bit of income

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Or that, having been powerless in her relationship, she is not taking any further steps to help herself as she has learned to be helpless.

The not having time, not being able to get an appointment, etc, etc, are all blocking useful suggestions. They aren't all closed in the evenings. I know that for a fact. A car is not a God given right - it is something you get when you can afford one. If you can't afford one, you get the bus like everybody else. You cut down and cut back and do without. You claim tax credits for childcare charges, eat beans on toast for tea, sell all the baby gear, sell everything not nailed down.

Plenty of people manage on far less.

It is up to her to get herself out of the hole he has found herself in. Not you. So by all means point her to here, to the CAB, entitledto and the CSA, but ultimately, it is her responsibility, as she will end up losing her home, car and everything if she doesn't pull her head out of the sand and do something about it.

tsstss7

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Or that, having been powerless in her relationship, she is not taking any further steps to help herself as she has learned to be helpless.

The not having time, not being able to get an appointment, etc, etc, are all blocking useful suggestions. They aren't all closed in the evenings. I know that for a fact. A car is not a God given right - it is something you get when you can afford one. If you can't afford one, you get the bus like everybody else. You cut down and cut back and do without. You claim tax credits for childcare charges, eat beans on toast for tea, sell all the baby gear, sell everything not nailed down.

Plenty of people manage on far less.

It is up to her to get herself out of the hole he has found herself in. Not you. So by all means point her to here, to the CAB, entitledto and the CSA, but ultimately, it is her responsibility, as she will end up losing her home, car and everything if she doesn't pull her head out of the sand and do something about it.

She might not be able to work if she doesn't have a car - getting kids to childcare and then yourself to work (on time) is a delicate balancing act at the best of times.

I agree though she needs to sort herself out. Op by all means help out with advice/practically if you can but ultimately if she wont helpherself then nothing you do will make any difference.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

tsstss7 wrote: »

She might not be able to work if she doesn't have a car - getting kids to childcare and then yourself to work (on time) is a delicate balancing act at the best of times.

I did it. So do tons of other people. Which is not having a go at you, but unless she lives in rural Somerset/West Wales/Yorkshire and needs an all terrain vehicle to get down country tracks, there's going to be more than one bus a week.

Sorry, I don't hold with the 'I have to have a car to get to work'. It's more convenient, maybe quicker, but it is rarely an absolute necessity.

tsstss7

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I did it. So do tons of other people. Which is not having a go at you, but unless she lives in rural Somerset/West Wales/Yorkshire and needs an all terrain vehicle to get down country tracks, there's going to be more than one bus a week.

Sorry, I don't hold with the 'I have to have a car to get to work'. It's more convenient, maybe quicker, but it is rarely an absolute necessity.

Child to school breakfast club 8.00am (earliest start) - drive to work for 8.45 park car walk to work for 9.00am for start one hour later than everyone else so also had to finish one hr later at 5pm. Then walk from work to car park and drive to school just in time for 6pm pick up......stressful? yes. Car an absolute neccesity, definately.

You won't belive the number of times a normally mild mannered mum like me was sat swearing on her car at "nice" people in cars in front letting other probably equally nice people in cars into the traffic queue when I am soon to be late for picking ds up from a soon to to be closing after school club.

I couldn't have took public transport - it takes longer and is unreliable......when you have primary age chidren being late is just not an option.

And no I don't live anywhere rural, buses are every ten minutes - they just don't always go from and to the places you need to go from and to to. (in the time required antway).

OP I'm fairly sure your friend can apply for benefits over the phone - or at the very least get the form. There is no need for her to wait until April and benefits can't be backdated so she would be better trying to claim as soon as possible.