advice.. someone i know is pregnant i think she needs help

mum2one

Suggest she speaks to her gp, and also agree re homestart, if you are concerned about the care of the children, you can always speak to the school, as they have policies and procedures to take these reports into account.

mum2twinsx2

RAS wrote: »

I am struggling to understand what you are saying here?

Does dad encourage the boys to kick each other? Or does he kick them?

You have written is that the 5 year picked up him - who is him?

Are you saying that the 3 yo calls his parents abusive names?

Yes the dad encourages the boys to fight each other. The youngest boy who is three is abusive to his parents, and anyone else that walks in his path.

Sorry typo was trying to make sure i included all info i could think of. Him is the dad, his dad picked the five year old up by his neck and chucked him in the car.

I did suspect she might be depressed, but its another thing you cant approach without caution. I dont think she is a bad person, she would bend over backwards to help you out. I just think she needs some help.
I have since I posted this spoken to her on facebook and told her that she would be better speaking to a doctor re the pregnancy.

I think I will make a call or whatever i need to do, she does need the help.

RAS

You may remember a mother in the SW whose footage of her and another woman forcing their very young children to fight ended in both of them being taken to court last year? it is abuse.

Ditto picking up a child by the neck.

The family situation may be retrievable but they really really need reporting. What happens if dad starts to pick the baby up by the neck or smacks it round the head?

And does the man smack her? Is she in control of her fertility and able to choose when or whether to have s.e.x?

go_cat

Also as you're obviously one of her good friends after this is sorted it may be worth casually mentioning contraception to her

Blobby8_2

An abortion followed by sterilization sound a good idea. Why bring anymore into a chaotic environment ?

Sparkle80

ashli wrote: »

If you are concerned about the health, safety or well-being of the children, as it seems that you are, your first port of call must be to contact social services.

Any duty you feel to protect the privacy of your friend must come second to the duty you have to do anything in your power to safeguard the children. The parents have a choice in the way they live their lives, the children have none. Social services could offer much needed support, and keep an eye that the situation does not deteriorate any further.

Don't put it off. I am a teacher in a primary school in a very deprived area and I can say from experience that failure to act in these situations does leave vulnerable children exposed to abuse and neglect.

Agree with this - good advice.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

What makes you sure that she isn't a victim of domestic abuse? Repeated pregnancy, violence to the children, no help at home, he spends money that could go on the children playing mechanic, encourages them to fight, the child has learned verbal abuse from someone.

Some victims do get angry with their children, as they daren't oppose the abuser directly, especially as the kids may have been trained to ignore/disrespect her.

rozmister

I would contact social services. This may shock her into realising that her current home environment isn't appropriate for the children she already has let alone more! Also if you have a violent partner often social services will stipulate you stop living with him (happened to my friend) if you want to keep your kids. This could help give her a reason to get away from him and the extra support and agencies they can refer her to could help her become a good mum. She probably knows deep deep down that it isn't working out how it is but if she's in an abusive relationship or has low self esteem she probably doesn't know how to fix it.

Britwife

Sounds like this family really could benefit from some outside help and you may have to be the one to make the call. It's not easy to do but the children will continue to suffer and unfortunately, they don't have a choice.

Tropez

Does she have a birthday coming up?

Perhaps she might be interested in something like http://www.amazon.com/Contraception-Guidebook-Options-Answers-Christian/dp/0310254078?

But yes, as others have said, I think you should be contacting social services. If she has brought children into the world and is incapable of looking after them then the proper authorities need to be alerted to the situation. We'll never advance as a society until we tackle issues that plague society such as this head on.