Ex contact and holidays

rachbc · 9 February 2011 at 5:15PM

Ex and I have infromal arrangments for contact with ds for everyother weekend which, on the whole works ok. However the negogaited 2 weeks during the summer and half of all other holidays seems to have fallen apart with ex not wanting to have ds during other holidays but wanting to take him for long (over 4 weeks) periods in the summer. he has just emailed to say he will be away for 4 and half weeks over the whole of august and ds can either go with him for the whole time or he will not see him at all for this time.

I know if I say no he will think I am just being awkward, but I don't want ds to go - it basically means we won't get a family holiday with him this year. DS wil be 13 soon so I am obviously going to ask what he wants too. Any suggestions of how I can try and get ex to comprmise?

12bdebt3 · 9 February 2011 at 5:18PM

Tell him the truth, if your holiday is booked during that time. Say that 4 weeks abroad is a bit of a long time to be away. He could have him for a week before his holiday and a couple of days afterwards?

Plans_all_plans · 9 February 2011 at 5:21PM

I would take the lead on this entirely from your son.

If he has a good relationship with his dad I'd do everything in my power to foster this and if he wants to go, I'd be inclined to let him. If you've not booked anything yet, then can you not take your leave at a different point and have a holiday then instead?

rachbc · 9 February 2011 at 5:38PM

can't only take holiays during the school break and the timings of ex's holiday means we can;t fit even a week in before or after his trip

He does have a good relationship with his dad - but does that have to be fostered at the expense of our relationship with him? As is so often the case its me an OH who do all the dull day to day making him do homework, do his chores and as his dad himself says, he does all the fun stuff! Our summer holiday is our chance to kick back and have some fun too and I'm more than a bit peeved about having that taken away from us when he coud very well book a 2 week trip!

Kittendreich · 9 February 2011 at 5:41PM

Where is he going? Could your son go for a couple of weeks and then return as an unaccompanied minor for the rest fo the summer with you? It is an expensive, but safe way for children to travel alone.

Plans_all_plans · 9 February 2011 at 5:44PM

I can understand WHY you're annoyed, honestly I can and I would be if I were in your shoes. However, I really do think that your son should be the top priority here and if he wants to go with his dad, then at 13 I'd let him.

Your relationship with your son won't suffer: as he gets older he'll know where his bread is buttered and will be grateful to you for all you've done for him. In the meantime, I'd be inclined to put up with this inconvenience for your son's long term gain. Best of luck with it.

rachbc · 9 February 2011 at 5:45PM

Kittendreich wrote: »

Where is he going? Could your son go for a couple of weeks and then return as an unaccompanied minor for the rest fo the summer with you? It is an expensive, but safe way for children to travel alone.

I'm guessing australia as they have family there - I will suggest that to shwo that I am willing to be flexible - though I don't know if its possible on such long flights

Hobo17 · 9 February 2011 at 6:20PM

rachbc wrote: »

I'm guessing australia as they have family there - I will suggest that to shwo that I am willing to be flexible - though I don't know if its possible on such long flights

I believe it is possible although expensive (costs $100 each way for my stepdaughter to fly as a UM just on an internal flight within the US - and that is in addition to the flight costs!). The only thing is that some airlines will not allow them to fly any flight which has a stopover and obviously that would be every flight to Australia! If you look on the FAQs of airline websites they usually have a section covering it.

Savvy_Sue · 9 February 2011 at 6:55PM

Could you get two weeks at Easter?

Soubrette · 9 February 2011 at 7:05PM

At 13 I would be totally guided by what your son wants but if he does want to go then I would make it clear to both him and his Dad that you expect next summer holidays to do what you want.

rachbc · 9 February 2011 at 8:18PM

I've just mentioned it to son and he feels upset that he can't spend half the time with each of us and worried that whoever he doesn't choose will be upset! I'm now even more cross with his dad for putting him that position!