Loan to close family member who is up the proverbial creek

Little_bit_dizzy

Only just found this post and sincerely hope all went well with the proposed loan and your relatives interview.

I have previous experiece of lending & a property rental to a family member which ended in a family breakdown. I do hope this is a better situation for you and your family.

fimonkey

Well 3 months later and I remembered I said I'd update this post with what happened.

The day before I was due to go up and give help with an SOA we had a row, I was accused of not trusting her, she felt it had taken her a lot of effort to swallow her pride and ask for help in the first place, and I had then thrown it back in her face. It was a massive over-reaction but I understood why (I reckon she was feeling as though I was abandoning her - she can be rather dramatic sometimes) so I just sat it out.

A week before the 1st mortgage payment was due I sent her a cheque and made it clear it was a gift, and also a one off. She was hugely grateful and thanked me profusely - it was cashed probably before the postman had even left the garden!

A week later she was offered 2 jobs, she took the one with the highest salary and perks obviously, and started immediately - turns out to be 10 times better than her last job too! She started a savings account to put some away each month (having headed my advice about having 3 months salary tucked away), and this month she's started to pay me back too! Its a relatively small amount each month - but I'm proud of her for doing it.

SO to all you doom and gloomers - all's well that ends well. Couple of arguments along the way but we're close again. Would I do it again? Well hopefully with this particular person I won't need to but if I come up against this situation again then I would do the same. That is; offer a limited amount of help with conditions attached (teach them how to fish rather than just give them a fish).

Thanks to everyone who gave their opinion and helped me seperate my emotions out of this. Appreciated indeed.

Moneymash

As someone that is new to this website I find it hard to believe this thread/original post is for real. If so then please forgive me. Fimonkey you obviously wanted to be the hero form the outset and come to this family members rescue. With your time (the weekend you gave up) the SOA, your hard earned £20000, and putting up with all the dramatics. The result somewhat convenient and happy ever after for me, sorry but my spider senses are tingling :undecided

Clive_Woody

fimonkey wrote: »

Well 3 months later and I remembered I said I'd update this post with what happened.

The day before I was due to go up and give help with an SOA we had a row, I was accused of not trusting her, she felt it had taken her a lot of effort to swallow her pride and ask for help in the first place, and I had then thrown it back in her face. It was a massive over-reaction but I understood why (I reckon she was feeling as though I was abandoning her - she can be rather dramatic sometimes) so I just sat it out.

A week before the 1st mortgage payment was due I sent her a cheque and made it clear it was a gift, and also a one off. She was hugely grateful and thanked me profusely - it was cashed probably before the postman had even left the garden!

A week later she was offered 2 jobs, she took the one with the highest salary and perks obviously, and started immediately - turns out to be 10 times better than her last job too! She started a savings account to put some away each month (having headed my advice about having 3 months salary tucked away), and this month she's started to pay me back too! Its a relatively small amount each month - but I'm proud of her for doing it.

SO to all you doom and gloomers - all's well that ends well. Couple of arguments along the way but we're close again. Would I do it again? Well hopefully with this particular person I won't need to but if I come up against this situation again then I would do the same. That is; offer a limited amount of help with conditions attached (teach them how to fish rather than just give them a fish).

Thanks to everyone who gave their opinion and helped me seperate my emotions out of this. Appreciated indeed.

Good to hear it turned out well.

paddyrg

Brilliant news, and I am thrilled to hear it! Very pleased it all worked out well, and thank you for letting us know :-)

fimonkey

Lol at moneymash. Good on your for being cynical, you'll fit in well on this site - do remember to post sensible stuff now and again if you want to maintain any credibility.

I have a spare 5 mins so I'll waste it on asnwering you - I'm up for a bit of a 'poke' at the moment though generally I have better things to do with my time than spend it writing fairytales for this board. I genuinely mean it when I say the advice I received here and the way it made me change my mind from "help her whatever the cost cos she is family" to "help her but with conditions" was worth the time it took to type out.

I certainly don't feel like a hero - I still feel a little mean to be honest but I know I did the right thing. I never did give up the weekend for the SOA - as I said we had a huge row about it beforehand so it didn't happen. The dramatics are par for the course with this person, and the £20K is from an inheritence so wasn't even hard earned, but despite all that your cynicism has genuinely made me laugh.

debtistheft

firmonkey, I can understand your reaction to people saying 'dont do it', after all you didnt ask if this was a good idea or not, you just asked what the best way to go about it was. However, I think a lot of people have been burned going down this route and feel they want to save other people from the pain. You cant blame them for caring enough to try and warn you.

My tuppence would be to firstly make sure she is getting all the benefits and tax credits she is entitled to (h ttp://ww w.turn2us.org. uk/benefits_search.aspx) and then offer to subsidize her mortgage payments until she is in receipt of her benefits. That would safeguard your own savings and help out your relative. Your relative doesnt need to have her mortgage paid down, she just needs to continue to pay her mortgage and bills. Help her do that instead and keep track of how much you give her on a monthly basis.

She has asked you to help her with her monthly mortgage payments short-term, so do exactly that. Don't pay down her mortgage arrears for her, it's not necessary.

debtistheft

oops, didnt realise this was an old thread - that will teach me to read the whole thing before responding.

I'm glad that it all ended well.

geoffky

you will lose all your money....