Loan to close family member who is up the proverbial creek

fimonkey · 9 February 2011 at 11:53AM

ILW wrote: »

If your friend cannot afford to pay her mortgage or utility bills, how the hell does she expect to pay you back?

Not a very helpful comment which is a shame as I usually respect your opinions ILW.

To those I've thanked - thank you indeed for the links you've provided.

To those who have been disparaging or said 'don't do it' - I'm glad I'm not a member of your family in financial trouble! To me blood is thicker than water AND money! I'm not at all suggesting I throw 20K at her - I intend to treat it as a high risk investment with a stop loss. She will get help in the short term whilst she tries to get emplyment again. I will give her 3 months for this. Otherwise she sells her house and downsizes. It would be better for her to do that than be repossessed. I will be sitting down with her and working through an SOA so she can see exactly what's coming in/going out and she'll be made aware of the limit to my help and 'm prepared to walk away from the money. But in no way am I delaying the inveitable - I am merely a rubber ring thrown to a drowning person in the ocean. The person has to learn to ultimately learn to swim!!!

Thanks again overall.

ILW · 9 February 2011 at 12:14PM

fimonkey wrote: »

Not a very helpful comment which is a shame as I usually respect your opinions ILW.

To those I've thanked - thank you indeed for the links you've provided.

To those who have been disparaging or said 'don't do it' - I'm glad I'm not a member of your family in financial trouble! To me blood is thicker than water AND money! I'm not at all suggesting I throw 20K at her - I intend to treat it as a high risk investment with a stop loss. She will get help in the short term whilst she tries to get emplyment again. I will give her 3 months for this. Otherwise she sells her house and downsizes. It would be better for her to do that than be repossessed. I will be sitting down with her and working through an SOA so she can see exactly what's coming in/going out and she'll be made aware of the limit to my help and 'm prepared to walk away from the money. But in no way am I delaying the inveitable - I am merely a rubber ring thrown to a drowning person in the ocean. The person has to learn to ultimately learn to swim!!!

Thanks again overall.

I may have been a bit blunt. The point being that only give her the cash knowing that you are very unlikely to ever get it back.

BackOnTrack · 9 February 2011 at 12:17PM

fimonkey wrote: »

Not a very helpful comment which is a shame as I usually respect your opinions ILW.

To those I've thanked - thank you indeed for the links you've provided.

To those who have been disparaging or said 'don't do it' - I'm glad I'm not a member of your family in financial trouble! To me blood is thicker than water AND money! I'm not at all suggesting I throw 20K at her - I intend to treat it as a high risk investment with a stop loss. She will get help in the short term whilst she tries to get emplyment again. I will give her 3 months for this. Otherwise she sells her house and downsizes. It would be better for her to do that than be repossessed. I will be sitting down with her and working through an SOA so she can see exactly what's coming in/going out and she'll be made aware of the limit to my help and 'm prepared to walk away from the money. But in no way am I delaying the inveitable - I am merely a rubber ring thrown to a drowning person in the ocean. The person has to learn to ultimately learn to swim!!!

Thanks again overall.

Thats great except she couldn't afford to live when she did have a job. Guess what when she gets a new job she is going to be in exactly the same situation she was before.

Anyway you don't want help you just want people to agree with you.

Anyway as you were so willing to judge others have some back. Your not helping anyone your completely ignoring the causes of the situation. I'm just glad I'm not a member of your family who is in financial trouble as I think blood is thicker than water and would much rather give someone long term help to get back on their feet rather than let them think things will be ok when in reality in a few months they will be back in exactly the same situation if not an even worse one.

fimonkey · 9 February 2011 at 12:27PM

backontrack wrote: »

thats great except she couldn't afford to live when she did have a job. Guess what when she gets a new job she is going to be in exactly the same situation she was before. she was made redundant twice in the last 6 months and not entitled to redundancy - did you not read that bit in my original post?? - thats why there are existing debts.

Granted she has made some bad financial decisions on the past but surely everyone should have the chance to learn? This could be her chance and she could indeed throw it away and end up evicted - but the fact remains she still deserves the chance.

anyway you don't want help you just want people to agree with you. awww sorry you weren't one of those who i thanked originally.

anyway as you were so willing to judge others have some back. always happy to receive - if i think its a valid point i take it on board. If not i still consider it. If its merely someone sticking their oar in I laugh, and sometimes I take the time to reply. Still haven't thanked you though so don't feel too honoured just yet your not helping anyone your completely ignoring the causes of the situation. I'm just glad i'm not a member of your family who is in financial trouble as i think blood is thicker than water and would much rather give someone long term help to get back on their feet rather than let them think things will be ok when in reality in a few months they will be back in exactly the same situation if not an even worse one.

the long term help is her being able to help herself! The short term help is me helping her to do that.

No point giving a fish to a starving man, better to give him a fishing rod and teach him how to fish! - but better still to give him a fish - just the one - so his tummy is full and he can conentrate on learning how to fish.

ILW · 9 February 2011 at 12:30PM

fimonkey wrote: »

the long term help is her being able to help herself! The short term help is me helping her to do that.

No point giving a fish to a starving man, better to give him a fishing rod and teach him how to fish! - but better still to give him a fish - just the one - so his tummy is full and he can conentrate on learning how to fish.

What if you don't like fish?

fimonkey · 9 February 2011 at 12:45PM

ILW wrote: »

What if you don't like fish?

Yeah that's a point, but I suppose you can substitute fish for something he does like and which is sustainable/he can get for himself.

BackOnTrack · 9 February 2011 at 1:00PM

fimonkey wrote: »

the long term help is her being able to help herself! The short term help is me helping her to do that.

No point giving a fish to a starving man, better to give him a fishing rod and teach him how to fish! - but better still to give him a fish - just the one - so his tummy is full and he can conentrate on learning how to fish.

Theres no point teaching them to fish if after you teach them there aren't going to be enough fish to feed them. It's only when you bring them fish in addition to them catching fish that there is enough.

chalkie99 · 9 February 2011 at 1:54PM

You are just not being realistic and need to stand back and consider what you have already said.

So you pay her mortgage for 3 months - that's £2,400 of your £20,000 gone and if she hasn't got a job by then she will have to sell and downsize.

How exactly is that going to work?

The house isn't going to sell immediately, even if she can sell with a repossession order already on it.

And the fact she already has a repossession order and other debts show she was already sinking before unemployment so, simply put, a new job is not going to sort out her troubles.

Help her out by all means if you are prepared to wave goodbye to your money but don't criticise people who have given you good advice just because it is not what you want to hear.

paddyrg · 9 February 2011 at 2:37PM

Your money, your choices, go right ahead! But please do be aware that loans drive wedges between people, and it was on these grounds that I suggested you reconsider. If as you mentioned with the revised information the £20k is irrelevent and you are treating this as a £2400 high risk low return investment in family (you couuld have said this earlier and saved a load of grief for everyone who considerately posted trying to help you), then yeah, go for it, whatever! But please don't be upset that people cannot read your mind.

pmduk · 9 February 2011 at 9:58PM

It's almost certainly not what you want to hear but treat any money you lend in these circumstances as a gift. If you do see it again consider it as a lottery win!