Advice needed: Problem with the parent of the child that has been bullying my DD...

kippers

To cut a long story short, my dd was bullied at school over the last two years, she is now 11 years old and in year 6. The school has dealt with it (eventually) and my dd has now gone back to her old self...though she doesn't play anywhere near the girl that bullied her and we have told the school that they should be kept apart, which they are doing.

As far as we are aware there has been no recent incidents, however, early Saturday morning we had an unexpected visit from the other childs mum stating she wanted us to talk to our DD and tell her to stop having tantrums and getting her child into trouble. She was very abusive and loud and her voice could be heard by my two daughters (incidently who ended up in tears), she also accused me of bullying her too in the playground (i haven't spoke to her or even seen her in two years as we have always dealt direct with the school). She said some horrible things about me and my DD. I don't know how this will effect my dd as we have had to work so hard to get her confidence back and it is only recently she has started to want to go to school again.

We have put everything that happened in writing to the head teacher and copied it to the head of govenors at the school as she was stating that the headteacher had said to her that she didn't agree her dd had been doing anything wrong and the headteacher thinks me and my husband were handling the situation all wrong. She stated that she is seeing the headteacher to tell her she is taking it to the local authority and wants a family liason officer to observe the children play.

My husband gave the letter we wrote to the headteacher this morning, and she also said she didn't know of any recent incidents (forgot to say our dd doesn't either) but she will question her staff. She said as far as she was concerned the bullying issue had ceased and there were no recent incidents. The head teacher was very nice but said she can't get involved with things outside of school between parents.

I have spent all weekend crying as it has upset me so much as the things she said about me and my daughter were really horrible. The only good thing was we didn't retaliate and get into a slanging match and just kept asking her to leave. In the end we shut the door on her.

My question is: If the head teacher can't become involved with parents hurling abuse at you outside of school on your own property, then who can we turn to to stop this happening again?

I really hope someone can give us some advice on this.

no-oneknowsme

It may sound extreme but if the School are saying that they are unable to help with issues outside of school hours and you feel intimidated by this other parent turning up at your door in an agressive manner then to me the best thing to do would be contact your local police station and inform them of the incident.

If the other parent comes round again , keep a log of all the details to include dates/times/what was said etc.

There was a child in my DD's class who was annoying DD on a daily basis and i spoke to the childs parent (DD was 13 at the time) but without success in stoping the bullying.....

This other child was sending vile , vicious text messages to my DD and after a while they were getting distressing for her so we decided to change her number .

I also contacted my local police station and they sent someone out to view the texts and they agreed they were harrassing.

They visited the other childs house and spoke to the parents who denied any texts as "their child wouldnt do such a thing" but when confronted with the evidence they had to admit that their little angel wasnt so angelic after all.........

The police officer cautioned the child and the incident is now on record.

My advice to you is to take advice on the mattre from your local station if for no other reason than to make sure its on record incase the matter goes any further and the other parent comes round your house again....

kit77

I am sorry I don't have any helpfull advise but I know exactly how you feel.

Several years ago my DD was being bullied. I decided to speak to the mother of the other child. I was friendly and didn't go in shouting the odds but this person was nasty, started screaming abuse at me and tried to intimidate me on a daily basis outside the school. The school in the end told me to stay clear from her as she was trouble but they couldn't help, they even told me that they were limited to what help they could give our DD as they couldn't be seen to be victimising the other child!

Thankfully it was short lived and the girls went back to being friends however this mother made my life hell.

Is there any reason why now the mother is behaving this way. I suppose you can see now why her DD is the way she is having a mother like this. It truly is an awfull feeling and i am sorry I can't offer any constructive advise but just remember you are the better person and this will get sorted eventually.

kippers

Thanks for your really quick reply .

My father worked on a 'Police desk' before he retired. We spoke to him but he said as it's the first occaision she has visited us and the fact that she didn't 'threaten' us (even though she hurled lots of abuse), the police wouldn't do anything about it.

I don't know if he is right or wrong but i suppose i could contact them to ask?

Edit: Kit77 i've just read your post and it's lovely , thank you. I can think of no reason for this outburst on sat

kit77

It would do no harm to ask their advice you wouldn't even need to mention names.

I really hope you get this sorted and that your DD is not to distressed by the actions of this person.

no-oneknowsme

I would definately advise you to speak to the police. At least that way if anything ever does come of it , the "first incident" is on record.

Mojisola

In case it happens again, get a digital recorder and record her tirade. She won't be able to deny the abuse if you have a recording. Also save anything that comes as texts or emails.

photogifts

Not a exactly helpful reply to situation and something not encouraging i remember reading in a paper about a man whos's son was being bullied coming home with bruises shattered confidence they tried the school didn't help the bullying continued then the dad just flipped went round to the house where the bully stayed and gave the lads dad a very good pasting and then the bullying stopped the kid never approached him again.

Kids in schools in a group are not angelic its really worrying how much they get away with while the poor frightened kid has to stay in a class while the bully's play in the playground i just don't think enough gets done and some family's these days you cant approach and have such and such problems they cant see things logical

meritaten

so this mum turned up out of the blue and started screaming insults at you on your own doorstep? definately contact police hun. you need to get this incident logged as if she approaches you again she may not stop at verbal abuse. then the police will be asking why you didnt report the first incident!
funny, though how as far as you are aware there was nothing to spark this off? something must have happened to make this mum take this action?
I hope this is the last you hear of it though - it must have been very distressing for you all. bet the neighbours heard some or all of it - can you get one of them to write a brief statement for you? will back you up with the police at least.

Bennifred

Definitely inform the police. The laws and action taken on harrassment have strengthened in recent times, so your father may not be completely up to date about that. You do NOT have to put up with behaviour like that from anyone. I suggest you show them a copy of the letter you gave to the school.

kippers

I think I will go and see the police today and get it logged and i will take the letter that we took to the headteacher too. I'll have to try and find our local police station as i've never had cause to use it.

The only thing i've thought of since, is that my daughter has been invited to two parties at the weekend that her dd hasn't been invited too. She said her dd was in tears on Friday night but didn't say why except it had gone on long enough. As far as our dd knows and the school knows, nothing happened on Friday at school. Her dd was very good at bullying and she could be just trying to get my dd in trouble again. Previously she would suddenly start crying in the playground and telling everyone my dd had hit her, swore at her, told her not to play....it would be all the things that she actually did to my daughter. My dd personality changed over the two years and after we finally found out what was going on it took a long time to get 'my old girl back'.

I have another daughter who is 21 months older and they have never ever ever hit each other. I don't smack so my girls never learnt to do this either so i know my dd wouldn't hit anyone in the playground.

The bully has already taken advantage of the situation telling children in the playground all about her mum coming round to our house on sat. My dd did the right thing and told children coming up to her that she wasn't aloud to talk about it and she told her teacher who said she would report it to the headteacher. I am very proud of how my dd handled it.

Thank you all for your advice