Separated From Wife – What Help Can I Get.

michaelsutherland

Hi, sorry in advance for this being a long one.
Last week my wife and I separated after nearly 14 years of marriage. We have three girls, aged 9, 7 and 4 and my wife has been a stay-at-home mum since the eldest was born. She has been to see the Job Centre and been told that she can get Income Support as our youngest is under 7. She is also eligible for Council Tax Benefit and the children will get free school meals. However, as we own our house (albeit with a mortgage) she is not eligible for Housing Benefit.
I have been doing the maths this weekend and with all her benefits and my maintenance (we got the figure from the Child Support Agency Calculator) once she has paid for what has to go out (mortgage, gas, electric, insurances, etc) she will have about £550 a month to live off.
However, the main problem comes when I look at my money. Once I have paid out what I will need (Child Maintenance, rent, insurance, gas, electric, council tax) and my petrol to work (I have an 80 mile round trip each day) I would be left with just over £250 a month to live off. With that I am assuming that I will be able to get somewhere suitable to rent for £450 a month.
I know some people will say why don’t I move closer to work, so I can cut down on my petrol, and I have thought about that. The problem with that is that I want to be near to my children so that I can have them to stay during the week and drop them back at school. If I was to live closer to work any money I would save getting to work would be spent going backwards and forwards to see them.
I already use Quidco for my online shopping, do surveys to get vouchers and have a Tesco Credit Card to boost my Clubcard points, so there is no extra money to be made that way. I will attempt to furnish my new place by begging, stealing and borrowing from family and friends, as well as using Freecycle, but I am sure I will have to spend money on some items.
My query is this, are there any benefits that I am able to get to help boost my income? I am not sure how I can live on this amount – as well as feeding myself (I am a recovering alcoholic so don’t drink) and the children when I have them, I will need money for clothes (for on the odd occasions that I buy any and then they are only from places like Tesco), days out for the girls (I have English Heritage membership, paid for with Clubcard points but even so there is still money spent), birthdays, Christmas, etc, etc. Also, as my car does over 20,000 miles a year I do need to spend money on it every now again (the last bill I had was for over £300 and that would wipe me out completely now) as well as the fact that I would like to take the children on holiday (even using the tent costs money) and at some point I will want to go out at night (I get to as many free cinema screenings as I can) or even date again. All these things cost money that I don’t see that I am going to have.
I really am feeling very desperate about this, which with everything else that is going on is something I don’t need. I am currently staying at my mum’s until I get sorted but in the long run that isn’t ideal (even in the short term will be difficult) and I need to get somewhere of my own.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions as to how I can get through this they would be gratefully received.
Thanks for reading.

tanith

Its a dilemma for many people and even though you say its going to be difficult maybe you should think seriously about staying where you are for as long as possible because what you 'need' isn't the same as what you can have. If you can't manage holidays, days spent with your children will be just as meaningfull if you make them so.. I can't imagine any benefits you might be eligible for to be honest you might just have to cut your cloth accordingly.. give things time to settle and you might find you are better off than you imagine..

welshmoneylover

michaelsutherland wrote: »

Hi, sorry in advance for this being a long one.
Last week my wife and I separated after nearly 14 years of marriage. We have three girls, aged 9, 7 and 4 and my wife has been a stay-at-home mum since the eldest was born. She has been to see the Job Centre and been told that she can get Income Support as our youngest is under 7. She is also eligible for Council Tax Benefit and the children will get free school meals. However, as we own our house (albeit with a mortgage) she is not eligible for Housing Benefit.
I have been doing the maths this weekend and with all her benefits and my maintenance (we got the figure from the Child Support Agency Calculator) once she has paid for what has to go out (mortgage, gas, electric, insurances, etc) she will have about £550 a month to live off.
However, the main problem comes when I look at my money. Once I have paid out what I will need (Child Maintenance, rent, insurance, gas, electric, council tax) and my petrol to work (I have an 80 mile round trip each day) I would be left with just over £250 a month to live off. With that I am assuming that I will be able to get somewhere suitable to rent for £450 a month.
I know some people will say why don’t I move closer to work, so I can cut down on my petrol, and I have thought about that. The problem with that is that I want to be near to my children so that I can have them to stay during the week and drop them back at school. If I was to live closer to work any money I would save getting to work would be spent going backwards and forwards to see them.
I already use Quidco for my online shopping, do surveys to get vouchers and have a Tesco Credit Card to boost my Clubcard points, so there is no extra money to be made that way. I will attempt to furnish my new place by begging, stealing and borrowing from family and friends, as well as using Freecycle, but I am sure I will have to spend money on some items.
My query is this, are there any benefits that I am able to get to help boost my income? I am not sure how I can live on this amount – as well as feeding myself (I am a recovering alcoholic so don’t drink) and the children when I have them, I will need money for clothes (for on the odd occasions that I buy any and then they are only from places like Tesco), days out for the girls (I have English Heritage membership, paid for with Clubcard points but even so there is still money spent), birthdays, Christmas, etc, etc. Also, as my car does over 20,000 miles a year I do need to spend money on it every now again (the last bill I had was for over £300 and that would wipe me out completely now) as well as the fact that I would like to take the children on holiday (even using the tent costs money) and at some point I will want to go out at night (I get to as many free cinema screenings as I can) or even date again. All these things cost money that I don’t see that I am going to have.
I really am feeling very desperate about this, which with everything else that is going on is something I don’t need. I am currently staying at my mum’s until I get sorted but in the long run that isn’t ideal (even in the short term will be difficult) and I need to get somewhere of my own.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions as to how I can get through this they would be gratefully received.
Thanks for reading.

Have you considered going to Relate for counselling?

bluenose1

I would have thought your wife would get help with mortgage interest after 13 weeks of being on Income Support.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/On_a_low_income/DG_180321

Also if you intend to have the kids a few nights a week have you took into account that when you have done your CSA Calculation? Doesn't seem you will have much to live on. Unfortunately no easy answer. Good luck.

michaelsutherland

Thanks for the help already - I didn't know about the mortgage interest help she could get, and she hadn't mentioned it so don't think she had been told either.

We have been to Relate last year but didn't find them very useful - the counsellor just said "well it seems like you've already decided to split up". We have been trying to save the marriage for nearly 10 months, so it isn't a decision we have come to on the spur of the moment. It was an amicable decision (or as amucable as these things can ever be) and we are getting on ok and never one of us is trying to stitch the other one up - our main aim is that the girls are provided for and both of us can live.

I don't go out very often and when I do it is normally somewhere that is either on Clubcard points or freebies, so not sure where else I can "cut my cloth". I will stay at my mums as long as possible, just so I can start to build some savings in case I need to fall back on.

I forgot to mention that we do have some credit card debt that we are trying to pay back - it is all on 0% until October at the earliest and we had managed to clear a lot lost year - but at this moment I think we are only going to be able to pay back minimum for a while until we know where we are at.

Wilma33

£250 a month for food and clothes for one person sounds like quite a lot.

If you need more, can you do overtime or get a second job?

Maybe do a full SOA (statement of affairs - see the debt free wanabe board) and people will help you reduce you outgoings. Can you cut back on mobile phone costs, broadband deal, sky, car insurance, get a water meter, etc?

Could you share a flat/house with someone or get a lodger?

michaelsutherland

£250 does sound a lot for 1 person, however at least twice a week I'll have 3 other mouths to feed, plus there is a car to run (which I obviously need for work) and all the other expenses I will pick up. I am not budgeting to have Sky, car insurance was renewed at the end of December and I paid it in one go (although tax is due in July). I am not planning to get a phone line and my mobile is only £15 a month, which gives me unlimited internet (I will use it as my laptop - work supplied - modem as well, so don't need broadband).

The problem with flat sharing is I need somewhere for my children to sleep, the same with getting a lodger, as I only plan to get a 2 bedroom place.

I can't get overtime in my job and getting a second job isn't possible as I can end up working away at short notice and I am planning to have the children when I know am going to be at home and not got an A.A. meeting to go to.

In an earlier post someone asked about the child maintenance cost, yes we did take into account that I would be having them twice a week.

lauren_1

She has to start looking for work after the youngest turns 5 now, it changed from 7 very recently.

michaelsutherland

I don't think the Job Centre had told her that - I will have to ask her tomorrow (although I have emailed the link to this post, so she might see it herself).

izzybusy23

lauren_1 wrote: »

She has to start looking for work after the youngest turns 5 now, it changed from 7 very recently.

Nope, thats wrong. Directgov says 7 years or older, that came in October 2010

RAS

Hi

You both need to check www.turn2us.org.uk to see how much help you can get with your houshold expenses. I suspect that you in particular will struggle with paying out 25% of your salary before renting and living costs.