It's a bit stupid really but i need help!

pupsicola

I thought there might be more to this than just a fear of motorways. I was stressed out my mind before my 20 week scan too and didn't even have the previous trauma you went through. It is a big milestone in your pregnancy and of course you are worried. Though I am sure everything will be fine.

I think your OH is being a bit out of order to be honest. There are more important things right now than travelling miles and miles for a bit of lunch. You are not being selfish or awkward just feeling anxious and nervous and needing some space. He needs a bit of a reality check. When this baby comes along he wont be able to snap his fingers and get his own way and then tantrum if he dont get it. Time for him to start practicing putting someone else first. Stand your ground and say no this time.

Ordep

Your not alone msflowerfairy

http://www.theaa.com/motoring_advice/news/fear-of-motorway-driving-aa-driving-school-497866.html

If you Google "motorway driving fears", there's loads of help and advice there.

Good luck
Ordep.

paddy's_mum

msflowerfairy wrote: »

It's not that i don't like my OH's family, i do, they are great.

In your shoes, and if my partner insisted that despite my exhaustion and fear, I absolutely must attend this far-distant lunch, I might wait until I arrived and then burst into the wettest, wailingest outbreak of crying seen for months.

I'd then confide in his mother who might, just might, scold some sense into him! If nothing else, he might think twice in the future before laying down the law to someone he professes to care for and love.

Your excuse, of course, if he is mad at you is that it's my hormones, dear ... !

Devious? Yes, but perhaps a very effective way indeed for him to learn a bit of respect for the female of the species. Good luck.

SailorSam

I don't think you're on your own about being scared as a passenger.
I do drive and hate being in a car with anyone else driving, i'm always nervous 'cos people seem to drive to fast or to close.

Starrystarrynight

I'm an incredibly nervous passenger and, like the OP, motorways are the worst! When we drove to Heathrow last year, I took a book with me to read so that I didn't have to look at the other cars and lorries. I found it quite useful as a distraction on the American freeways, too.

stejobeth

I know exactly how you feel. I learnt to drive and passed my test at 18. I was the only one out of all my friends who had at the time so I was the taxi driver . About six months after passing I had a crash (not my fault) and the car was written off. A few weeks later I met my husband (who had his own car) and I've never driven since (I'll be 40 in March). I have been a nervous passenger ever since. We had a crash a few years ago (someone ran up the back of us) and I was injured and I've got worse since then. I am terrible on the motorway, I really am a nervous wreck! The thing that worries me though is that it is rubbing off a bit on my daughter (14)
I really feel for you

indsty

You aren't being stupid at all. I think you need to "take control" of the situation. How about phoning up his mum (or whoever) and just explain that you won't be able to come to the lunch but you will really miss seeing them all. I am presuming they know you are pregnant, so you can explain you have your scan coming up and if they know the circumstance I am sure they will understanding your anxieties. Maybe travelling on the motorway is something you do need to try and come to terms with, but in early pregnancy and with your added anxieties, now is not the right time to try. Don't tell your partner before you phone - just do it - it is your choice after all. Hope all goes well for you.

Enterprise_1701C

I think it us unreasonable of your OH to expect someone who is 19 weeks pregnant to endure a 7 hour road journey under any circumstances!! Have you asked him how often he is willing to stop for the loo, does he have any idea how uncomfortable it can get sitting around for 7 hours with a little person inside you using your bladder for football practice? This on top of your fear of motorways is going to make you feel less than well for the entire journey. I think he is being extraordinarily inconsiderate!

I do not normally advocate deception, but could you get a friend to call you later today in tears over a problem desperate for your company tomorrow? Would be even better if you could arrange for your OH to take the call!

Or you could sit down and try to talk to him as someone else said.

If you cant persuade him, perhaps take a good book to keep your mind off the journey - could you sit in the back to avoid being forced to watch the road? I know it sounds awful, but if you happened to be sick on this journey then maybe he would be forced to rethink his strategy? Especially if he was forced to stop at EVERY service station for the loo too.

Whichever way it goes, good luck. I hope you get a day to put your feet up, but if you have to go then I hope you manage to make the most of it

barbiedoll

I've always been a nervous passenger, like you I've had an accident on a motorway, nothing serious luckily but it has put me off motorways for life!
My DH always uses the A-roads when we drive to Cornwall but to be honest, from Wales, there is no viable alternative route that doesn't involve hours of driving. DH has relatives in Wales and I hate the drive there, I'm on tenterhooks all the bloody way!

I do think your Oh is being a bit unsympathetic but to a driver, these fears just seem irrational. I agree with the poster who suggested you speak to his mum about this trip but for future outings, especially when you have the baby, you need to think about what you can do to help yourself.

Have you thought about learning to drive? I'm doing it at the moment and I've found that although driving is every bit as scary as being a passenger, if not more so, at least I'm in control (usually! :rotfl:)
Or maybe think about something like hypnotherapy and relaxation techniques? There will be something out there to help you, this is a very common problem, you certainly aren't alone.

Hope all goes well with the scan next week, try not to worry too much.

lauren_1

I passed my test years ago yet still have not driven on the motorway....i have full no claims bonus, drive daily, love driving yet motorway = instant death in my head.

Cant even drive over a motorway bridge.