It's a bit stupid really but i need help!

msflowerfairy

I don't drive, yet as a passenger i am terrified of motorways!!

I don't know why, it could be that i was involved in an accident some years ago when i was a child, and a muck spreader lost control and slammed into our little fiat 126.
This however was on a country lane, and not a motorway.

I am now 19 weeks pregnant, and it seems to have got a lot worse, i feel more vunerable, and i am really paranoid that every time i go on the motorway we are going to crash, and die. (I told you it was stupid)

We are due to drive from Wales tomorrow to the South East for lunch with his family, and for days i have been stressed, and thinking of ways that i can get out of it.

I have spoken to my OH, and he is less than understanding calling my fear stupid.

I am exhausted, and could do without a 7 hour round journey, i would rather stay in bed or at least have the opportunity to relax. It's not that i don't like my OH's family, i do, they are great.

It's just that motorways terrify me!:eek::eek: Help?

pupsicola

Firstly I dont think you are being stupid. You have a fear that started from being involved in an accident that must have been terribly frightening for you. I would have another chat with your OH and reiterate how you feel. It is very unlikely that you would be caught up in any accident on your journey. However what is the point of doing something that puts you under so much emotional stress. Can you plan the journey so that minimum time is spent on the motorway systems.

The feeling of vulnerability you have is very common when you are pregnant. I had it too. I also felt very funny about it when my kids were tiny. Suddenly having this little life dependant on you makes you think about your vulnerability far more than you usually would.

Stay calm, make your OH a coffee and sit down and chat it through with him. Is there anyway that his family could travel up to you. Or maybe meet you half way and do a nice pub lunch? A bit of compromise may help.

Or could you go by train. Driving that far would be very tiring for OH. This way you could both relax and enjoy it.

chika

Statistically Motorways are the safest roads. When I first learned to drive I was a bit scared of them and that is what my friends used to quote at me! I get your point about the stress though. Is there any chance you could take a book or portable dvd and distract yourself while OH is driving? In the long run, I would go an talk to someone about it - if you ask your GP he will refer you for some counselling. It's a slightly vague link, but I saw someone get knocked over and killed last year and I was terrified of crossing a road for a couple of weeks. I went to talk it through with someone a couple of times and I was fine.

Js_Other_Half

Hugs, pregnancy often throws up some surprises!

I have to say I wouldn't want to do a 7 hour round trip just for a meal anyway, never mind when you are pg, tired and distressed. Can he just not go on his own?

msflowerfairy

I agree about going so far just for lunch, but OH demands that i go, and when i questioned it he started shouting at me, calling me selfish for not wanting to see his family.

I have my anomoly scan on the Monday too which i am dreading because my first child was diagnosed with a very severe heart defect at the same scan and passed away when he was four months old.
I am on tenterhooks waiting to be told this baby also has something wrong with it, and my head is shot to pieces.

It wasn't OH's child so his answer to this is, well we will go out for the day, and take your mind off it. I'm afraid it doesn't work like that!

He won't drive off the motorway because it takes too long, and it is too inconvenient for him. screw how i feel.

I can't even sleep in the car, because i am unable to relax enough, especially if we have to overtake lorries...i seriously do not trust them. (blame the muckspreader)

I have told him to go alone, and he said he doesn't want to, his family all want to see me, and my bump. To be fair i haven't seen them for ages, because when he used to arrange to see them i was working nights, or recovering from a night shift.
Unfortunately i can't use that excuse now as i have given up work.

Dave101t

your fear is stupid (in his words) but it is also understandable for you, maybe not for anyone else.
you obviously havent got over the scare and thats the only way you are going to get better. some say confront your fear, i.e. go and dont worry about it, others will say do only what makes you feel safest. if your not prone to bouts of 'silly fits' he should be more understanding and id say put your fut down and simply do not go.

LJM

motorways etc never used to bother me but since having children i always panic and it is totally understandable

Just_Plain_Jane

I definitely think pregnancy intensifies fear. I'm usually a bit nervous around large dogs, but whilst pregnant with DD1 I became downright hysterical!

I have a friend who uses relaxation techniques to help with her fear of flying - she has relatives who live abroad, so to avoid air travel would mean not seeing them. Could something like this be helpful for you? I'm sure Google would find something on the subject.

LJM

i have to admit i was just as bad in pregnancy and now with the children i think you just generally worry

Mojisola

msflowerfairy wrote: »

I don't drive, yet as a passenger i am terrified of motorways!!

I have spoken to my OH, and he is less than understanding calling my fear stupid.

I am exhausted, and could do without a 7 hour round journey, i would rather stay in bed or at least have the opportunity to relax. It's not that i don't like my OH's family, i do, they are great.

It's just that motorways terrify me!:eek::eek: Help?

msflowerfairy wrote: »

I agree about going so far just for lunch, but OH demands that i go, and when i questioned it he started shouting at me, calling me selfish for not wanting to see his family.

I have my anomoly scan on the Monday too which i am dreading because my first child was diagnosed with a very severe heart defect at the same scan and passed away when he was four months old.
I am on tenterhooks waiting to be told this baby also has something wrong with it, and my head is shot to pieces.

It wasn't OH's child so his answer to this is, well we will go out for the day, and take your mind off it. I'm afraid it doesn't work like that!

He won't drive off the motorway because it takes too long, and it is too inconvenient for him. screw how i feel.

I can't even sleep in the car, because i am unable to relax enough, especially if we have to overtake lorries...i seriously do not trust them. (blame the muckspreader)

I have told him to go alone, and he said he doesn't want to, his family all want to see me, and my bump. To be fair i haven't seen them for ages, because when he used to arrange to see them i was working nights, or recovering from a night shift.
Unfortunately i can't use that excuse now as i have given up work.

Reading your posts, there is a lot more to this problem than a fear of motorways. There sounds to be something wrong with this relationship and your increased vulnerability now you're pregnant could be because of that. Has your OH always been like this?

paddy's_mum

I suggest that you ask your man to look up post traumatic stress disorder. When he has bothered to open his mind to the very common mind damaging results of nasty road accidents as well as the effect of the death of a baby on the mother, perhaps he'll then drop this very unpleasant attitude.

To be honest, I am horrified by his callous and insensitive behaviour and if he dared to say this kind of thing to me without extremely good reason, his backside would be kicked from here to Timbuctoo!

I'm shocked, truly I am. Are you sure this man is really your Other Half?