How to end a good friendship without giving reason

clearingout

property.advert wrote: »

If you fancy her and she is free then go for it. Maybe just ask her to sort herself out but that you'll take a back seat for now as these decisions she has to make on her own.

but she's not free. she has a husband. A husband who's probably out working everyday and thinks he has a nice home life the rest of the time.

Getting involved with someone who is married is emotional suicide. She may well want to leave her husband. But she has to do that on her own. It is common for people to set up new relationships before leaving their spouse - a fear of being alone and needing to justify who they are and that they are decent people (depsite doing just about the worst thing you can do to a person you supposedly love in having an affair) is what drives that.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who's prepared to be texting others behind the person she cares about's back? Just how many others is she in this kind of relationship with? and in the 'best' case scenario, she leaves her husband for you - well, you have a woman going through a divorce who you have to support emotionally, financially, practically....a woman you can never trust. And then there's the husband to deal with, isn't there?!

Are there children? If so, are you ready to take those on as well?

Get out of this before you get in.

heretolearn_2

I think you are being very wise to look at this situation and decide not to get involved or try to take it further. Even if she is unhappy in her marriage, the worst thing would be to start an affair with her.

I agree the fictional girlfriend is a good idea, then you can gently scale down your friendship with her blaming the new girlfriend if that's necessary, and keep out of her messy domestics. 9 times out of 10 people moaning about their marriage don't do anything about it, she'll still be there in a few years time, and may just be one of those people who likes to moan rather than being serious about leaving. Or a grass is greener' sort who wants someone to rescue her...until that then becomes boring...and then looks around for a new knight in shining armour.

If in a year or so she is properly free and single, you could give it a whirl :-)

Schwade

I think you should just say the truth. I.e. you dont want to do this. If she asks why, then just say the reason (i.e. it is not right to be flirting with a married woman).

But if that woman says she has also fallen for you, you better not go for it. Give yourself a gap.

Sambucus_Nigra

clearingout wrote: »

but she's not free. she has a husband. A husband who's probably out working everyday and thinks he has a nice home life the rest of the time.

As she works with the OP - presumably she works too - that's got now't to do with it.


OP-
I suspect that she is saying these things to test whether you feel the same way - and you are responding in the right way and that's to get the heck out of there.

Get yourself a gf - real or imaginary - text her back to say sorry, will catch you later I'm with [insert imaginary gf's name] and leave it longer and longer and l-o-n-g-e-r between any responses and just be business-like at work.

Don't talk about her personal life - and if she starts on about it just either change the topic or 'need to be somewhere else pronto'.

brians_daughter

Firstly (without sounding patronising) well done in realising that its not wise to persue this friendship when you are developing feelings for her.

Secondly i would just tell her the truth.. that you dont feel it appropriate that you are having these text conversations with a married woman without (i expect) her husbands knowledge and if it was your wife you wouldnt be happy.

SandC

I agree that you need to tell her that you feel it's inappropriate that you are sending so many texts etc. and that you feel you should keep your friendship purely work based.

I also feel that she probably has feelings for you too - or thinks she does.

I have been 'interim woman' on two occasions. Got together with someone right out of a marriage or long term relationship. People need time and space when they end a relationship - if they jump straight into something else with someone else it's often just for convenience, they will rarely, if ever, realise this is what is happening. Meanwhile the third party ends up getting dumped. If you like it's almost as if they are using you to get over the previously relationship and when that has happened they move on.

Seriously, just back off.

emsywoo123

brians_daughter wrote: »

Firstly (without sounding patronising) well done in realising that its not wise to persue this friendship when you are developing feelings for her.

Secondly i would just tell her the truth.. that you dont feel it appropriate that you are having these text conversations with a married woman without (i expect) her husbands knowledge and if it was your wife you wouldnt be happy.

Oooo I was going to say exactly all these words :rotfl:

murphydog999

Just being devils advocate here. Why should a girlfriend make any difference? Like the OP says, they are good friends and occasionally do things together, that shouldn't be a barrier to seeing someone else.

Honesty is the best policy. Does she know your gender preferences? If I was being dumped in that situation, I would question your sincerity as 1, it could come out that you have lied, 2, like I say, I wouldn't understand why it would make a difference and be a tad suspicious.

Reggie_Rebel

wheresmimoney wrote: »

Thanks for the reply.

Did not mean just to cut of with out a reason, if i said " i dont want to do this no more" she would ask why. I dont want to admit thats its because ive fallen for you and its for the best, or do I say that.

You need to man up and tell her why

busiscoming2

Id just be honest with her.