Need some suggestions on getting a social life

nomuny

Hi
Further to my posts on the do you find it hard to make friends thread, I thought I'd ask for some suggestions on how to improve my social life and hopefully make some new friends. I'm a SAHM with some children at home (11 and 14) and some grown and left home, I am doing a course with the Ou which involves a tutorial now and again -but although we chat its usually about the course and different people turn up every time, I also attend an adult ed course once a week but again a chat over coffee whilst there but nothing further. I have when on previous courses tried to keep in touch with friends I've made there but they've always left it to me and thats made me feel as if they weren't really that bothered and I'v let it drift. I do have friends but they all seem to busy for me and I go for weeks without seeing them, what I really would like is someone I can go out with for the odd night - once a fortnight or something llike that to get me out. Haven't got alot of money so that doesn't help much either. Everyone around me seems so content with their life and I'm not -feel so lonely at times even though I'v got my lovely family. Sorry to go on but anyone got any ideas - have already looked for groups in my area -can't find any and can't drive so its got to be quite local. I seem to have gone all my life without making a really good friend who hasn't let me down in some way, really sad to be in my forties and feel that all I'vgot to look forward to when my remaining kids leave home is these 4 walls. sorry for the essay!

grey_lady

Have you thought about starting a book club in your area? you could see if people from your courses would be interested in joining.
It could even be held in a pub/bar thus getting you out

Or learn to drive and find a suitable group in a different area.

soupdragon10

How about volunteering somewhere? Not sure what would be available in your area, but there are lots of opportunities in all sorts of different types of work. Often if you are involved with something then the people that you are working with have similar interests which can be the basis for long term friendship.

Even if you don't make close friends immediately it would give you the chance to get out an meet people for a few hours a week. You could look on http://www.do-it.org.uk/ this is searchable by locality and the kind of opportunities you might be interested in.

JoJoB

Volunteering is a great idea - CAB are always looking for advisors and it's a great environment to learn and meet people.

Also local colleges often fo a "personal development" type course which is often free. The great thing about this type of course is that you get to explore who YOU are and where you want to go, as well as sharing this exploration with your course colleagues. This type of personal sharing/discussion can really cement and help build new friendships with people who may be experiencing a similar thing to you.

shelley_crow

How about a part time job? That would also improve your money situation. I've made some amazing friends at previous jobs and still see them now years on. It's different when you're seeing someone ever day/for a few days a week, you get to know people a lot better than seeing them for an hour here and there.

kingfisherblue

I volunteer as a leader for Brownies and Rainbows - plenty of other women to be friends with! There are options to attend events other than your weekly meeting, so you are not just limited to the adults in your unit. Chances are that there is a local unit as well.

www.girlguiding.org.uk

I've also made some new friends at Slimming World, but yoiu might not want or need to lose any weight

www.slimmingworld.com

My local community centre has lots of daytime courses and clubs, including a writing group, computer club, art club, exercise, etc

hot.chick

http://www.meetup.com/

join a group or start ur own

podperson

Hi,
Not sure whereabouts you are but unless it's somewhere quite rural am sure there must be some things going on fairly nearby - you just have to find them What kind of things are you interested in? I'm in the same position and since New Year have been trying to make a real effort to get out more and do some new things - for example I like reading so have joined a book group, am looking at some fitness classes, joined a meetup group etc.
I'm also trying to see some more of older friends - and I have exactly the same problem as you in that I feel like I'm making all the effort and therefore they must just not be bothered. I'm trying to get myself out of this thinking - I have to accept that it's not personal, it's just how some people are, so I have the choice of staying friends with them and putting up with that (and I'm sure I have things about me that must annoy them!), or not bothering either and being a bit lonely.
I'm also trying to be more proactive - so if I go along to a coffee morning and I meet someone I get on with then instead of not doing anything I try and ask them if they'd maybe like to meet at weekend as well. It is quite scary but I'm hoping it will pay off in the long run.
If you ever want to chat feel free to pm me

nomuny

grey_lady wrote: »

Have you thought about starting a book club in your area? you could see if people from your courses would be interested in joining.
It could even be held in a pub/bar thus getting you out

Or learn to drive and find a suitable group in a different area.

hi
funnily enough I did think of this last night but the learning to drive bit is out as I just can't afford it.
hot.chick- Have checked on here and unfortunately all groups are too far away.
shelley_crow- I do intend to do this at some point thats part of why I'm doing the courses I do check whats on offer but there's v. little out there at the moment.

JoJoB and soupdragon10
Have also thought about this not sure I'm in the right place emotionally for alot of the things available but there were one or two interesting things I saw.

podperson-
I realise its partly mindset but when it happens time and time again it gets harder to look on the optimistic side and try again. I don't know where to look for groups have tried the internet and local papers and can't find anything -I'l keep looking though. Just feeling a bit down at the moment but thanx for your help and may take you upon the offer of a chat. Good luck with your own quest for friendship.
Thankyou all of you I appreciate your thoughts on this. Now to get my butt into gear and be more proactive :) !

rozmister

I know it's not the right choice for you now but I just want to say generally that part time work can be really rewarding. I took a p/t job in a supermarket the Nov before last about 6 months after I had mental health issues (I still had them when I took the job but it came to a head in the May and I started receiving treatment). It really helped boost my confidence because the work wasn't extremely challenging to me and I got out of the house. Having to turn up for those 12 hrs meant I always went out even when I felt rotten and I ended up meeting my best friend, lots of other really good friends and my better half. I still work there now around my uni work placement to boost my funds and while I now find the work less rewarding I don't know if I could leave all the people I've met. It opened a whole new social scene up for me and while I wasn't lonely before (uni student so plenty of people around) I am in a much better place now with friends who are much better for me and really know me. I can't recommend part time work to people enough and not just for the money

Maybe you could go to an evening class in something like cookery? I only went to one but I found that cooking doesn't take a lot of concentration and everyone chats to check they're doing it right so you end up getting to know everyone there. They do them where I live in cooking on a budget, basic cooking and cooking for special occasions/other cuisine. You might be a good cook already but it's always fun to see how someone else does it and get ideas.

Messrs_Arthur_and_Terry

nomuny wrote: »

Hi
I seem to have gone all my life without making a really good friend who hasn't let me down in some way, really sad to be in my forties and feel that all I'vgot to look forward to when my remaining kids leave home is these 4 walls. sorry for the essay!

Friendship doesn't come with a contract. Of course friends have "let me down", they are different people to you, with different genes, different priorities, different everything..... that's what makes them interesting; vive la diff!rence.

You are different, so you can be interesting to other potential friends. The basic rules apply when makiing and cultivating friendships; be disarming, don't whine, don't be judgemental, don't offer advice unless solicited to do so, don't preach, smile and laugh (and mean it), don't brag, don't self deprecate, don't make overt displays of disapproval.... you know, all that stuff you had to learn to catch a mate, except you have to keep it up with friends.....:D.