Ex girlfriends new partner getting called dad

pupsicola

Your daughter will thank you in years to come for handling this so well. What matters to a child is having love, security and to feel safe. It speaks volumes about you and your ex that you all seem to have such a healthy relationship and she is a happy and confidant child because of it.

I think chatting to her about having different names for you, her real dad, and step-dad is a lovely idea. Why not go with it.

Just to make you smile kids sometimes call all kinds of people mum,dad etc. I am a teacher and 3 of the kids in my class call me mummy2 instead of by my name, every now and then. I know their families well as I have taught their older siblings. When they are with someone they trust and like they can say it without even thinking.

thorsoak

My son, his wife & their 3 girls have just been over to see me. No 1 daughter is by DS' wife 1st marriage & is now 13 - other 2 are age 7 & 5. No 1DGD (because that is how we have always perceived her) - sometimes calls DS "Dad" sometimes Harry ....Harry generally when she wants to wheedle round him ....and Nos 2 & 3 do the same . Before the two little ones were born she would call him Harry most of the time - so they have all evolved their own way of referring to him.

They also have an excellent relationship with No1 DGD's birth father - and it has made for far better family relationships imo.

**Patty**

I think you're doing the right thing by not making an issue of it.

When i remarried, my DD was 7....she asked my husband if she could call him Dad (she has a Dad she sees & always has done.....no animosity there) . Fast forward to now & she's 15.........she calls him by his first name sometimes, Dad at others. It varies.

The important thing is that she's comfortable in whatever she calls him & she feels secure.

In fact, when she says *Dad*...i have been known to reply *which one*

Ms_Magnetite

There is also the wanting to just not stand out - there is no point, even at that age, in correcting every well meaning stranger who says 'your Dad' by saying 'He's not my dad, actually, he's just my sister's father and I have another Dad who isn't here'.

Kind of changes the atmosphere, doesn't it?

So it could just be being polite to random old ladies in the street, and nothing to do with how you are seen.

Judith_W

My niece (8) calls her stepdad dad and her real dad father. Being a dad is not just about blood its about the relationship.

heretolearn_2

I can see how this would be hurtful. I certainly wouldn't have liked my son calling anyone else 'mum'.

But in these circumstances you can understand why it is happening, and put your own feelings aside, for the little girl's sake, as you are doing. You sound like a brilliant dad and don't worry, she'll always have a special daughter/dad bond with you that will be different to the bond she'll have with her 'other dad'.

Angels_Cake

If your ok with it then brilliant.

I was in the lucky position to have 2 "dads" when i was 7, my biological father (who i love to bits ) and my stepdad, who was a fantastic man, he did the hard graft with us as he lived with us 24/7 (my elder sister and me) - teenage strops, 1st boyfriends, parents evenings, taxi-ing to/from friends houses, generally more leanient with us than our mum hehehe although he did have boundaries and we knew when not to push,
Whereas our own dad had the 'good side' of us, Little Angels......(well maybe not) as he only had us for a few hours a week, he didnt do parents eve, nor the kids taxi bit as he lived 20 miles away, come to think of it he didnt do disipline really either :rotfl:.

My mum had our baby sister (with stepdad) and it seemed natural for us to call him Dad, there was no prompting from my mum.
I remember just asking him if i could call him dad, although he was a bit shocked at first, he was happy, He said i could call him anything i wanted just dont call him too later for his dinner, (been a standing joke for years)
He was in every defination of the word Dad other than 'biologically'. It certainly had no reflection on how i felt about my own dad.
My stepdad never intoduced either me or my older sister as 'step dd's' it was always "my dd's " or if asked how many children he had, he would always answer 3.
For us it was cementing our family.
I dont think my real dad was too chuffed about it at first.

We lost my step dad 14 months ago and the hole that has been left is enormous, i feel it every day.
I miss him so very much- he was my dad for 29 years.

OP if your dd is happy to call the partner "dad" and you dont have a problem with it, good on you.
If your dd ends up with a relationship like i had with my stepdad then she wont go far wrong in life.
All girls need their dad but i got lucky i had 2.

Angels_Cake

**Patty** wrote: »

I think you're doing the right thing by not making an issue of it.

When i remarried, my DD was 7....she asked my husband if she could call him Dad (she has a Dad she sees & always has done.....no animosity there) . Fast forward to now & she's 15.........she calls him by his first name sometimes, Dad at others. It varies.

The important thing is that she's comfortable in whatever she calls him & she feels secure.

In fact, when she says *Dad*...i have been known to reply *which one*

OMG! that sounds just like us at that age!!

My mum still has that problem now with both me and my older sister :rotfl:

photogifts

Thanks again everyone for input who have been in my daughters shoes,some really lovely story's and my daughter will be lucky,she doesn't show jealousy to her new baby sister either or my girlfriend of 8 months kids's,i don't get to spend as much time with her as i would like due to school and her mums routine and never ending invites from friends party's,family's she has a better social life than me and her mum we joke lol but she always runs and cuddles me smiles and jokes and when i said about different names she replied i could be daddy.