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Stepmum & Brother
Blue_Monkey
Posts: 602 Forumite
Just need to have a bit of a rant really...
My stepmum is getting on my wick. She's a really sweet, gentle, kind-natured woman who has the best of intentions and is generally lovely, but - when it comes to my brother, she just gets it all wrong...
As in - he's 27, had just moved home (with her and my dad) for the umpteenth time and she's going "oh it's lovely having him around"... When in my view, they should both be saying "you need to stand on your own two feet". He's out of work AGAIN now, but was going on about how much money he was earning just before Christmas, but now apparently is skint so she says "it makes sense for him to stay with us".
When he was in a totally desctructive relationship with a chavvy single mum on benefits, stepmum was saying "But they're so in love" and "She's so good for him" and the whole time I wanted to shout "WAKE UP WOMAN, YOU'RE NOT DOING HIM ANY FAVOURS".
He still leaves his bedroom messy (guess who tidies up? yep stepmum), doesn't contribute to the housework, last time he was living at home and earning decent money he would 'forget' to pay housekeeping and in fact borrowed money off my dad who is a pensioner now!
Soft touch doesn't even come close; and they seem to think they are "helping" him. Yet, time and time again he throws it back in their faces (had a party at their house and trashed it when they went on holiday year before last when he, at the time, lived in his own flat a few roads away... during their last holiday he slept in their bed with new girlfriend and didn't make it and left stains :eek:)... And more than that, he's just not learning to grow up and take responsibility for himself or his actions.
She emailed me saying "he may as well stay with us until he knows where his next lot of work is coming from" and all that is going to do is encourage him to do SWEET F.A. He can leave dirty dishes everywhere, he doesn't have to pay rent.
She isn't a parent herself and I think this is the crux of it; she can't see that what she has done and is doing is actually detrimental to my brother's maturity and development. I firmly believe her behaviour has directly and negatively affected his attitude to life in general and as much as I'm angry, I'm also sad for him because he seems to be going nowhere fast.
My brother popped over to my mum's and told her he'd moved back to dad's, got a letter saying he had to repay the housing benefit he'd claimed (when he was with his chavvy ex) when he wasn't entitled to it, as well as rent arrears on a flat he just walked out of and she got really cross with him - cross with him for getting himself in that situation, cross with him for not lining up more work when his current run was ending, and more than anything cross because he dropped it in the conversation that he's going on a weekend playing golf with my dad in a couple of weeks (oh and that there's no point starting work before then)! Whereas stepmum is saying "oh it's lovely that your brother and your dad are going away together".....
Insane I tell you. I'm really having to bite my tongue when I speak to her.
You can tell I'm more like my mum than stepmum, can't you...:p
Well done if you got this far... thanks for reading. Rant over.
My stepmum is getting on my wick. She's a really sweet, gentle, kind-natured woman who has the best of intentions and is generally lovely, but - when it comes to my brother, she just gets it all wrong...
As in - he's 27, had just moved home (with her and my dad) for the umpteenth time and she's going "oh it's lovely having him around"... When in my view, they should both be saying "you need to stand on your own two feet". He's out of work AGAIN now, but was going on about how much money he was earning just before Christmas, but now apparently is skint so she says "it makes sense for him to stay with us".
When he was in a totally desctructive relationship with a chavvy single mum on benefits, stepmum was saying "But they're so in love" and "She's so good for him" and the whole time I wanted to shout "WAKE UP WOMAN, YOU'RE NOT DOING HIM ANY FAVOURS".
He still leaves his bedroom messy (guess who tidies up? yep stepmum), doesn't contribute to the housework, last time he was living at home and earning decent money he would 'forget' to pay housekeeping and in fact borrowed money off my dad who is a pensioner now!
Soft touch doesn't even come close; and they seem to think they are "helping" him. Yet, time and time again he throws it back in their faces (had a party at their house and trashed it when they went on holiday year before last when he, at the time, lived in his own flat a few roads away... during their last holiday he slept in their bed with new girlfriend and didn't make it and left stains :eek:)... And more than that, he's just not learning to grow up and take responsibility for himself or his actions.
She emailed me saying "he may as well stay with us until he knows where his next lot of work is coming from" and all that is going to do is encourage him to do SWEET F.A. He can leave dirty dishes everywhere, he doesn't have to pay rent.
She isn't a parent herself and I think this is the crux of it; she can't see that what she has done and is doing is actually detrimental to my brother's maturity and development. I firmly believe her behaviour has directly and negatively affected his attitude to life in general and as much as I'm angry, I'm also sad for him because he seems to be going nowhere fast.
My brother popped over to my mum's and told her he'd moved back to dad's, got a letter saying he had to repay the housing benefit he'd claimed (when he was with his chavvy ex) when he wasn't entitled to it, as well as rent arrears on a flat he just walked out of and she got really cross with him - cross with him for getting himself in that situation, cross with him for not lining up more work when his current run was ending, and more than anything cross because he dropped it in the conversation that he's going on a weekend playing golf with my dad in a couple of weeks (oh and that there's no point starting work before then)! Whereas stepmum is saying "oh it's lovely that your brother and your dad are going away together".....
Insane I tell you. I'm really having to bite my tongue when I speak to her.
You can tell I'm more like my mum than stepmum, can't you...:p
Well done if you got this far... thanks for reading. Rant over.
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Comments
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Sorry, but to me it just sounds like your stepmum is a nice lady, a bit naive maybe, or maybe she's really pee'd off with your brother but she's just trying to keep the peace?
To me your brother is the problem, at 27 years of age, he shouldn't need prompting. You cannot blame her for his attitude to life! He knows he's being a lazy good for nothing, who is taking the pee from his pensioner father. I could understand her imput not helping if he were a 13 year old boy with a bad attitude, but not 27, he's a man!
Why don't you step up, and speak out? You tell your brother he's a bum and needs to sort his life out.
You should be grateful, she sounds like a decent woman. There are PLENTY of stepmums out there who are complete cows (putting it mildly), who can't wait to steal loving fathers away from their children.
Just my opinion
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Why are you blaming your step-mother (who sounds like a kind, caring and wonderful lady) for your lazy brother's problems? They are his problems.
I think it's obvious that you have issues with your step-mother and are looking for any excuse to attack her.0 -
You did better than me, I'm still trying to work out who's who in all of this! Ah yes, re-read slowly and got the idea now.
If it's any consolation I always felt that my younger brother was always the apple of my parents eye until recent years where I've been abroad with my mum and stuff. I'll always be there for my younger brother and I know he'll be there for me even if we do outwardly hate each other sometimes. It's sibling rivalry and if I were you I would just ignore it and get on with your day to day life. 
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Why are you blaming your step-mother (who sounds like a kind, caring and wonderful lady) for your lazy brother's problems? They are his problems.
I think it's obvious that you have issues with your step-mother and are looking for any excuse to attack her.
Exactly what I was just thinking as I re read this!0 -
All your anger seems to be directed at your stepmum. What about your dad? He's acting the same way but you don't say anything about having to bite your tongue with him - in fact you virtually class him as a victim (brother borrowing money off the poor old pensioner).
The issue here if there is one is your brother. If you don't like the way he's behaving and/or living his life then tell him about it - don't go off on one at your stepmum it's not her fault nor her problem. The "problem" is yours, whether it's jealousy or something else I don't know but I think that there is a touch of he's the blue-eyed boy who can get away with anything here.0 -
I too am intrigued as to why any of this is sm's fault - does your brother have no responsibilty ofr his own action? Your dad? In fact why is any of this your business? Its not you who has to clean up after him, lend him money, its their free will to do these things and as they aren't complaining about it or challengning him i'd keep well out of it.People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
Ralph Waldo Emerson0 -
I am a step mum and also can't see why this is her problem. I thought you were going to get at her for not being supportive - that's where problems usually lie. As a step-mum I believe you should support the decisions of the parents about how they raise their children - putting your point of view across carefully if it is something you seriously have a problem with, but other than that you are not in a position to challenge how the children are raised. You don't mention how long she has been your step-mum, but at 27 your brother's problems are his and only your father and mother can tackle them. There have been many posts on her about children (including adult children) needing help and step parents 'getting in the way' - you should be glad she is not one of those people and give your brother a kick up the bum yourself!0
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How long has the step-mum been on the scene? Odd that you blame her for the way your 27 year old brother runs his life. How come your mum, who must have done most of the raising, isn't to blame in anyway for how he turned out. Just sounds like sour grapes to me
Why are you so bothered by your adult brothers life anyway. Grow up and get on with your own life.0 -
Can't see what stepmum has supposed to have done, but that brother of yours is a right royal p!ss taker.
If your stepmum lets him walk all over her, then that's her choice.Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
It doesn't sound like your Dad steps up to the plate as regards your brother, Step Mum sounds as though she is just supporting your fathers decisions.. either you or your Mum and Dad should be the ones to set him straight its not really your Step Mums job..#6 of the SKI-ers Club :j
"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke0
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