Any regrets???

cazjenki

I was just talking about this to my family. Its been almost 3 years since went BR and I am so pleased I did, remembering the stress of it all makes me ill :S Obviously I wish I had been in the position to sort things our myself but as most of us know, its not always as simple as that : (
As others have said if it hadn't of been for this board and in my circumstances CAB I dread to think where I would be now.

FavDaughter1

Hi, thanks for posts & sharing. we are hopeful that the F&Fwill go through,it offers creditors more than BR would but you can't be certain 'til the day. we won't be able to go any higher than the figure- my dad would let us have a little more but we wouldn't accept it as it's mum& dad's pension. we've got to pay it back to them but they'd be more flexible than a 5 yr IVA.

it does worry me.deciding what to do is difficult. i wonder if/hope we don't end up BR 12 months down the line. i am scared about the situation but i think i'd be scared doing BR too. it has been the worst time of my life. tears again tonight.

posts help,thank you

andyf1980

FavDaughter1 wrote: »

Hi, thanks for posts & sharing. we are hopeful that the F&Fwill go through,it offers creditors more than BR would but you can't be certain 'til the day. we won't be able to go any higher than the figure- my dad would let us have a little more but we wouldn't accept it as it's mum& dad's pension. we've got to pay it back to them but they'd be more flexible than a 5 yr IVA.

it does worry me.deciding what to do is difficult. i wonder if/hope we don't end up BR 12 months down the line. i am scared about the situation but i think i'd be scared doing BR too. it has been the worst time of my life. tears again tonight.

posts help,thank you

Making the decision is oh so hard and there isn't necessarily a right or wrong answer.

Whatever happens just remember you make the decision based on your circumstances at the information you have at the time. I'm sure we've all shed a good few tears during this process

FavDaughter1

Yes,i cry a lot,more tears reading your kind words,hug,thank you.

i am so tired,not sleeping. feeling frustrated,the IVA proposal is in the post,no sign of it today:(,hope it'll arrive Monday & we can "get on with it".
just want to be sorted now whatever way it goes. i've looked online at private lettings for property,it's so expensive! i'm hopeful the council would house me if we need it due to my disability. not sure how that compares in cost.

thank you x

alastairq

bankruptcy can be a little like divorce....

One can look back, and ask....what would life have been like if it hadn't occurred?

What would life have been like, if the circumstances that lead to it had been approached differently?

Would we, as individuals, really have been able to avoid, or reject, the pressures that lead to it in the end?

In some ways, when I look back, and think about what life would have been like, if I had studiously avoided all but 'essential' debt, I wonder if other parts of my life would have 'fallen apart' instead?

Although I am part of a 'separated' family, I have a truly excellent relationship with all concerned.....as I do with past XOH's..[and XMILs, surprisingly]........

Would that have been the same, if I had 'avoided' all debt?

Possibly not....I cannot say...would I have swapped one set of pressures for another?

All I do know now is, the paths I have followed have eventually led me here.

BR was just part of the process...as indeed, so is divorce.

It is part of the renewal process...a chance of a new beginning...a chance to remove the pressures which literally make life hell...

In many ways it is beneficial to have one's ''bridges burnt for you''..........which of course, BR does....but is that really a bad thing?

BR does invite a complete change of personal attitude ....not towards money as such, but towards life......as does divorce.

Even divorce allows a re-evaluation of how one approaches the relationship one has with one's family...and that does include the XOH.

The things which make BR...and divorce, so difficult to cope with, are ..IMHO, the bitterness and regret, for what went before.

Tupperware_Queen

alastair that is a very apt post.....I agree with every word.

My OH leaving precipitated the BR, but if I am honest, even had we stayed together things would have eventually led to something similar.

I have moved out of our family home,and in some ways, as you say, having to move made those bridges explode, never mind burn!! Something I would probably not have done on my own, but in hindsight, it has meant I can move on, and try to do things a little better this time around

FavDaughter1

You guy's blow me away, you've guessed it- tears again,alastairq your post was so moving.

i hope what ever happens with this F&F offer or BR if it fails means we can move forward. i hope i'm never in this position again after this, but i accept that isn't all down to me. i'm depending on my husband to keep to the promises that he's made to me. i can "watch" my OH, but he must be responsible for his own actions.

thank you so much for such a honest,bare post. you're doing well,that give me hope for myself/us xx

Doucam

I don't really regret going BR, we had no choice but to do it.

Our life is so much better now without the debt worries, I know where we are every day with the money and we can even afford to have little treats every now and then. xx

out_of_cash

by alastair

"The things which make BR...and divorce, so difficult to cope with, are ..IMHO, the bitterness and regret, for what went before."

toataly agree with the above,i dont regret going bankrupt for one minuite its just the emotinal pain cost and stress it caused to my home life divorce 17yrs down the pan in more ways than one,the people who have been lucky to survive bankruptcy without regret are lucky indeed! as there are many who it will be a long up hill struggle for a long time afterwards.If your partner or wife/husband has stood firmly by you through all this that must be such a relief.

I will be closing the door to our home in the very near future ,and walk away with many happy memories and nothing else ,but with only one regret that the person i loved wasnt willing to stand by me.I really thought that we would both retire here just a small house at the top of a hill with our cats:) life circumstances change, and thats all it takes, a few wrong turns and many could be looking back on a world of regret. I M H O i think people going br in their 40s 50s and losing everything! a fresh start it is indeed, but its a hell of a hill to climb to get any sort of life back.

FavDaughter1

Hi Docam& out of cash, 2 big posts, big hug to you both x

no it isn't easy,the best you can do with where you are. it can be hard to get your head around some of the things OH says or does in all of this,i've had some shocking things said to me,the stress is intolerable.

if that hill's steep...stop and pause along the way,take a breather,it's been hard, remind yourself you're doing ok. be nice to yourselves,
god bless x