working long hours & making time for each other

Sid_Wolf

My OH works at Lidl, he started on a 30hr a week contract, but has now been put up to duty manager, which means he is normally doing at least 40 hours a week. He is very good at his job and the higher managers at his store want to push for him to make deputy, he is happy to do this, and it is a 50hr week.

I am happy for him as he is doing so well, this new postion will mean he is on a starting wage of around 22 grand, nearly double what he gets now, it is also salaried, which will be nice as there will be a definate figure each month, rather than it depending on what overtime he does.

The problem I have is he is the 1st person they ring to cover shifts, he is a bit of a pushover and they seem to take advantage, he is ment to have 2 days off out of 7, but recently he has been working 10 straight days etc. He says that if made a deputy he will no longer be the 1st they call as he will be on a 50hr contract, but Im im worried that they will continue to ring him to cover shifts

Now dont get me wrong, I am happy he is getting these hours, I work around 20-24 hours a week, he brings home just under double what I do, so these extra hours do help a lot. Its just he gets very tired and as a result a bit grouchy, and we dont seem to get much time with each other.

How do you manage to find time for each other when one or both of you are working long hours??

I hope this made some kind of sense lol

Katie-Kat-Kins

You manage - I dont know how but you do. You make the best of the time you have and try to fit around each other.

I work a 9-5 monday - firday office type job which realistically means 9-6.30 and have a very long commute, DH used to work 5am-2pm with only sunday as a regular day off and one rolling day off in the week. We made sure that we spent sundays together if nothing else, and that we tried to *do something*. We would also try to have a chat whilst cooking dinner and sit down together in the evenings.

It shouldn't be too bad for you as Lidl aren't a 24 hour supermarket so you should still get a couple of hours with him before bedtime in the evening. If he did "proper" shifts it would be much worse!

treetrunks

to be honest i wouldnt view this as long hours. I probably do a standard 50 hour week not including an hour a day travel. I think it depends how much time you want together. We have a young son so i start early and try and get home for 6. Gets us a few hours together before he goes to bed and a couple of hours together afterwards.

Also manage to go to the gym a few times a week. How long do you spend sleeping? as i got a bit old i found i needed less sleep so that helped.

DevilsAdvocate1

I thought 40 hours a week was quite normal, not long hours. My husband leaves at 7:30ish and returns at 6:15ish every day. He is then on overnight call 10 times a month (which he does from home). He also works some weekends and will be working all of the bank holiday weekend when the Royal wedding happens, so I'll have to take 3 children out and keep them entertained as he is doing that weekend from home.

We had a lovely day out last Saturday on our own which is very unusual. We keep saying we'll get babysitters once a month so we can have a night out but it never happens.

D.

Sid_Wolf

I am getting myself into a better sleep pattern. If i let myself I can easily sleep 14 hours or more!! I no longer allow myself to do this though as I did find that by the time I was up there were hardly enough hours in the day to do anything.

Now isnt so bad, but Im just worried about if he is called in to do extra on top of his 50 hrs. He should be getting 2 definate days off though, he is ment to have them now, but they always call him in.

I think i find it difficult because we met at work, so used to spend a lot more time together

balletshoes

I think you've been really fortunate in that you worked together and got used to having lots of time in each others company . But you know, most couples don't work together, and don't see each other so much.
Your OH has to take some responsibility for getting a work/life balance, working 10 days straight because he's asked to and won't say No isn't getting the balance right, in my opinion. He may be right though, and it may not happen anymore if he gets promoted again.

Its just going to take a bit of getting used to, a bit more effort from both of you to ensure you get a bit of couple time in your week.

My OH is a chef, I work 8am-3pm, so sometimes, depending on his shift, we may only see each other for an hour or so during the week, but we make plans as a family on his day/s off. We've always had this type of situation, this is normal for us, but its just like everything else in life, things change, you make adjustments.

dizzyblonde82

I guess it is something that you just have to adjust to. I have been with my husband for 9 years and we hardly get any time together due to our working patterns, I work monday - friday 9am to 5pm and my husband is a chef and works on average 50-60 hours per week with 2 days off between Mon - Fri. My husand quite often starts at 9.30am and doesn't get in from work till after midnight.

We have a 5 yr old son who rarely sees his dad apart from when we book annual leave at the same time so that we can spend some family time together.

It is just a case of making the most of the time you get together

lostinrates

I don't seemy dh at all from Monday at 7:30 when he leaves till Friday night....anytime between 6 and midnight ish, when he gets back. He often works weekends but usually from home. His job has no limit of hours so he is often called in the middle of the night, and we've had to turn around on the way to to the airport for our holidays! 40 hours is the stuff of dreams:) DH worked 35 hours Cristmas week when he was on holiday! fwiw, check the fifty hours, the EU work hours directive is 48 hours I think...but its standard i my husband's work to opt out.

what it means is that the time together is very precious. I forget as much of the day to day chores done when he's not here so we can do big jobs together and we really relish in our time together. A set income and the chance for career progression, and a leap in income, is not to be sniffed at and TBH he'd be bonkers not to grab it IMO.

Errata

How to spend more time with each other? Buy a dishwasher, hire a cleaner ?
TBH it sounds like you're having difficulty in understanding the different work ethic management follow to that of part time (30 hours) shop assistants.

seafarers_wife

i second the cleaner idea.

i (when not off sick) work 12 noon to 8pm tuesday to friday and usuall 10am to 6pm on saturday, so my mornings are taken up wiht getting ready and doing housework and my evenings are pretty much gone. when we have our weekend we usually go out for lunch or for a wander somewhere, do the grocery shopping and go visit family, but i also have to fit in normal household chores as well.

he works away so when he is home it is his rest time and spends it doing what he likes to do wiht little or no housework being done, so an ironing lady is our solution as it means i can keep on top with the old style flylady thread and keep the house clean and tidy and the ironing gets done so i dont have to spend time doing it which is what i struggle with the most.

you adapt to your circumstances and find some things you are willing to compromise on.

gingin_2

I think as time goes on you will adjust. It certainly sounds like a sensible career choice. It might have been frustrating that he has been called in but it's obviously been to his benefit if he has received a promotion.

My husband is out the door at 6.45am and home at between 8 and 9 pm and stays in the city he works in for 2 nights a week just to catch his breath and often does extra work at home on a sunday. People who don't live the same life as we do think we are bonkers but where we live and for a lot of the families we know, it is the norm. He loves his job and I like the benefits that come with it, so it suits us fine.

Our children know no different but we have lots of quality time at the weekend . Evening time youngest is in bed but most nights has time for a story from OH. I make sure dinner is prepared and I do run him a bath for when he gets in ( he feels really grotty after travelling on the tube!), just because it gives us an extra 5 minutes together .