What questions do I need to ask my Solicitor

Motherof1

Hi All,

For those who don't know I will be seperating from my husband in a few days. I'm moving into rented 2 bedroomed house with my 3yr old little girl. On the advice of this website to get advice from a Solicitor I have now got an appointment booked in 2 weeks time.

What kinds of questions do I need to ask? I will be asking about what Child support payments my husband will need to pay and about visitation times etc. He is staying in our house and I will mention this but if you can think of anything else that is vitaly important please let me know. Otherwise, I will get there have the appointment, leave and regret not having asked everything.

Thanks a lot.

hobo28

Child support is nowadays generally dealt with by the CSA. Their new formula is 15% of his net income minus 1/7th for each night your daughter stays with him regularly. That said, its a good idea to come up with something amicable and avoid the CSA based on roughly that figure since they are useless. Of course if you are going to be receiving income support then the CSA must become involved.

There is no hard and fast rule on "visitation" (aka contact or residence). What happens really depends upon the both of you and how he has been involved in the past. Again, if you both can agree it makes life much much easier than a court battle where the only winners are the solicitors. What do you think he will want? If he's been active before then he may want shared residence as opposed to just contact.

Nowadays its common to get a clean break divorce so the think about the financials. Ie. split of house, savings, pension etc.

Just remember though that sometimes its easier to give in a little bit to save fighting it out and paying your solicitor £130 per hour to fight over something merely for the principle. No doubt you will both come away feeling you got a bad deal. I bet even KFed will moan he got a bad deal after he divorces Britney!

Motherof1

Thanks hobo28....I'm won't be claiming income support. I have a part time job, working 16 hours a week. However, this may be increased to 20 hours. I have heard about the many hassles some families face dealing with the CSA. Sounds like they definitely are useless from what I have read on these boards.

I asked about visitation because he works different hours everyday and wanted to have her every weekend. I would like if I could have her at least 1 weekend a month. She will live with me during the working work week.

This whole process is so stressful! We are still in disagreement about the washing machine but I'm so tired of trying to reason about such practicalities that I will probably end up leaving it and washing by hand until I can afford to get one.

We haven't filed for divorce yet. Does it matter who does? I assume it still costs the same amount of money? From my side I have full and valid reasons but I don't know what he can say against me?! I am not saying I didn't contribute to some of this mess but I can't seem to come to terms with 2 affairs, emotional abuse etc.

Thanks for trying to help.

researcher

Sorry can't give advice about solicitor - but do try freecycle for a washing machine - they often seem to be offered and it'd be one less worry for you.

www.freecycle.org

search for your local branch and post a 'wanted' message.

Good luck.

hobo28

Motherof1 wrote:

Thanks hobo28....I'm won't be claiming income support. I have a part time job, working 16 hours a week. However, this may be increased to 20 hours. I have heard about the many hassles some families face dealing with the CSA. Sounds like they definitely are useless from what I have read on these boards.

I asked about visitation because he works different hours everyday and wanted to have her every weekend. I would like if I could have her at least 1 weekend a month. She will live with me during the working work week.

This whole process is so stressful! We are still in disagreement about the washing machine but I'm so tired of trying to reason about such practicalities that I will probably end up leaving it and washing by hand until I can afford to get one.

We haven't filed for divorce yet. Does it matter who does? I assume it still costs the same amount of money? From my side I have full and valid reasons but I don't know what he can say against me?! I am not saying I didn't contribute to some of this mess but I can't seem to come to terms with 2 affairs, emotional abuse etc.

Thanks for trying to help.

I don't think nowadays it particularly matters who did what and the reasons for divorce. Not unless your Paul McCartney & Heather Mills anyway! The cost difference for whoever files for divorce is neither here nor there really in the grand scale of things.

As for washing, as researcher says Freecycle is a great place to start, so it the local free ads paper like Loot. Don't forget you can always go to the local launderette if there's one locally. I used to get a service wash occasionally when I was a single parent as it saved so much time and for the couple of quid extra it cost, was well worth it!

My ex kept !!!!!!ing about and changing jobs and hours etc. Each time she did so, she expected me to just fit in around her. My advice to you is that at 3, your daughter needs stability and consistency so make an arrangement which is fixed days or hours. In my experience, flexible doesn't work as his priorities will soon change.

Also, I think every weekend is a bad idea since that relegates you really to unpaid babysitter status. You'll be doing all the mundane stuff during the week and get no "quality" time at the weekends. I'd suggest that every other weekend may be a suitable compromise but its a matter between the two of you really. If he thinks its not enough then he can always try to change his hours so that he gets a definate day where he can have her too. If he can't, its really not your problem to solve.

Be firm but fair. If it ever went to court, they would look at the relationship he's had before. But what they will want is an arrangement which is fixed. They can't write a court order which says "whenever it suits his job hours" so why should you accept that? Its much better for everyone to have fixed hours/days. eg. Alternate weekends, Friday 6pm until Sunday 6pm and other times by mutual consent. Thats about what my court order says and I must admit its helped clear things up a lot. That said, I'd never recommend anyone to have to go through what I did.

Motherof1

Thanks again hobo28. I'm dreading everything. I definitely agree with setting up firm arrangements and times etc. That way there is no dilly dallying about. We are not really speaking but tonight I will tell him that he can have her every second weekend from Friday to Sunday. If it's that important to him he will have to arrange with work to be back early one day in the week so she can spend one night at his house. I must admit the 'flexibility' thing did worry me a bit because if he is asked to work over the weekend on a Friday I would have to fit around that.

Ofcourse for my little one's sake I will be fair. I would never refuse her seeing her dad etc, but I am pleased you said what you did otherwise I would be the one benig messed around and she wouldn't know what was happening from one week to the next.

To be honest I have done without a lot because of this! It's always great to speak to someone who has been through similar. One more question how long does the divorce process take? or is that like asking how long is a piece of string???? sorry for all the questions.

hobo28

LOL, how long is a piece of string! Depends how much there is to fight about!

A firm arrangement doesn't mean that you can't both make small changes as and when it suits. Just bear in mind what I said though about his changing priorities. I've seen it happen to my own situation and my friends. My friend has an every other weekend arrangement too and within the first week, her ex husband wanted to change it so he could play golf.

Oh I forgot to add that my daughter also prefers this alternate weekend arrangement as she understands where she stands. Before when her mother had her more often she felt like she was being passed around. Ie. School, child minders, mummy's, daddy's. She never had time to settle.

Prudent

Get an application form into the csa anyway. They are exceptionally incompetent, but with a lot of persistance you can usually get them to do something. As Hobo28 stated, your ex's priorities may well change and once you get into the legal process and the division of assets, he may not be reasonble over child support. Work out 15% of his take home pay and then reduce this by 1/7th for him having you daughter every other weekend.

Your solicitor will deal with the separation of assets. This includes all possessions and importantly pensions. If your ex is working full time and in a good job, his pension may be higher than yours. If it is you will be able to either share some of this or offset it against other assets.

Although you may be happy to be flexible about your ex seeing your daughter, get some arrangement in writing that you can refer to in the case of any dispute. It may mean you can give her more stability.

Alan50

Some very good advice on the last few pages...having done a divorce some years ago, I would agree that the courts first prority is your childs living arrangements, then the financial solutions regarding the house/mortgage/debts/savings/assetts/pensions...so make a list with some sort of values.
The house would require a chartered surveryers report/value.
Pension providers will provide a valuation, which is 'earmarked' as a divorcee you will be entitled to part of that pension at retirment date.
My ex worked for the NHS, they normally take 3 months to provide a pension valuation, so alot of the work you can do yourself which will help to reduce the solicitors bill
Alan

edgebiker

Having been through divorce, and court battles over the children. Its not worth arguing over washing machines and the like, agree between yourselves or with mediation the distribution of assets. Just sort out what is best for the children and remember that might not be what is best for you. Your question was about solicitors. I would say that what ever you want to ask, write it down and then write down the reply. Also they are experts at waffling and wasting your time, at however many pounds an hour. So be concise and to the point. Remember you are paying them.
Wish you all the best.

Motherof1

edgebiker I agree that it's not worth arguing over the washing machine but I'm leaving here with very little i.e 2 plats, 2 cups etc as I was tired of the remarks he was making about me taking everything except the carpets! I wanted him to understand that I need it more than him with a little one to take care of he. He's not worried in the slightest. Think I will be relieved when we are living seperate lives. I will write down all my questions ready for the solicitor. Can you think of anything I should ask about other than assets and child support etc.

Thanks.