If you are being sexually harassed at work

hippygran

Although I am not averse to a bit of banter, there is a difference between this and sexual harassment.

Banter is two way. If someone shows their displeasure at banter, or does not reciprocate, then the line begins to be crossed, if the so-called banter continues. In many cases it is a form of bullying.

I have worked in many different environments during my working life, including factories when my kids were young, and I have never worked anywhere where a person exposing themselves would be seen as a 'bit of banter'!

Some of these jobs were in very male dominated environments, a local taxi firm for one. During my time there I joined in all the banter, (and there was a lot - some of the jokes were really close to the bone!). However, at no time did anything approaching sexual harassment take place, and the majority of the drivers would have been mortified by the very idea!

I am not at all a 'stick in the mud', I enjoy a laugh and a joke along with anyone else, but would class deliberate flashing as sexual harassment, and what happened to me was actual sexual assault, following on from an extended period of sexual harassment (or 'banter' - if you prefer).

The moment the 'banter' becomes a one way thing, then alarm bells should ring. If banter, and the people involved don't object, that's fine! BUT if someone becomes uncomfortable, and objects, then continuation of it to that person is not fine!

If it carries on, without the active involvement of the individual being targeted, then at best that is bullying, at worst it can become sexual harassment, or even develop in to something even worse!

To the person who asked how to tell the difference. The first question is, does it make you feel uncomfortable? If it doesn't - all is OK. If it does offend you, have you made your feelings plain? If you haven't - do so, if you have and it still is carrying on - act on it. Don't allow yourself to become a victim.

Indecent exposure is NOT acceptable behaviour, although I had one employee who would flash his at the drop of a hat! And yes, I saw it more than once! :rotfl: However, this was on social occasions, we all knew it would happen at some point! AND if ANYONE objected (which happened on occasions with someone new to the social group) , he had the sense to keep it in his trousers if anyone showed signs of discomfort!

If some-one exposes themselves out on the street, that is indecent exposure, and if someone does it at work, again it is indecent exposure. What happens at a party among a group of friends having a laugh is completely different!

Its a matter of context/timing/what is going on at the time! By the way - no one has ever tried to grope me either in a social situation, as I socialise with people I know and trust (who KNOW me well enough to judge the situation! At work we don't get that choice!

ceridwen

Strider590 wrote: »

I've seen this many a time on the shop floor, guys flashing their wares and women either laughing at the idiot or doing the same/similar back.
Banter is exactly what it was.

This is why im saying that some people need to experience that sort of environment before they judge.





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It may be that there are different "expectations" as to level of acceptable behaviour in different types of work environment. I dont know how widespread the sort of "work culture" you refer to is. I've never come across it (many years later in various jobs) and nor has Gwen I would imagine.

It is certainly not something that it should be taken for granted people should have to put up with in any workplace setting. Maybe it doesnt bother some people - but its certainly not what most of us expect or are used to in a workplace.

One practical point there I am concerned about is whether whoever-it-is that interviews people for jobs in places with this sort of "workplace culture" spells out AT THE INTERVIEW that this sort of thing goes in that particular workplace and asks them how they feel about that. If the person looks at all uncomfortable/embarrassed/etc - then that is clearly not what they expect a workplace to be like and they are not going to be at all happy there if they got given the job. This is certainly very necessary for interviewers to bear in mind. In this day and age - where a lot of people are having to take on the type of job temporarily that they would not expect to have to have normally (whilst continuing looking for "their" type of job) - then its all the more necessary for interviewers to ascertain whether applicants for jobs would accept a somewhat "unusual" work culture like this.

It would certainly never have occurred to me/still wouldnt that there would be anything remotely like that in terms of behaviour and I would not find it acceptable (even though I am quite capable of coming straight back with a withering put-down comment that would make the man concerned "crawl straight back in his shell" and probably never dare say a word to me again). Its simply not something I would expect to HAVE to do at work though and I would resent any employer that expected any employee to be put in that situation and raise a grievance about it. Thats at my - somewhat advanced - age. When I was younger I would have been thoroughly upset by such behaviour - so can well understand that others might be so upset. They are entitled to be upset in those circumstances.

One goes to work to do a days work and earn a days salary - and the vast majority of us don't expect such "goings-on" (even before all the current emphasis on the employers "duty of care" to staff).

RoxieW

I'm sick of hearing sexually harassment or discrimination be excused as banter. I was sexually harassed as a naive seventeen year old in my first job. He was my 50 yr old boss. I was young, insecure and felt unable to say anything. I ended up having a nervous breakdown but I suppose some people would see that as character building lol.
These men ( using term loosly) should know better and if they don't then they deserve to lose their jobs and families in my opinion.

lost-away

RoxieW wrote: »

I'm sick of hearing sexually harassment or discrimination be excused as banter. I was sexually harassed as a naive seventeen year old in my first job. He was my 50 yr old boss. I was young, insecure and felt unable to say anything. I ended up having a nervous breakdown but I suppose some people would see that as character building lol.
These men ( using term loosly) should know better and if they don't then they deserve to lose their jobs and families in my opinion.

The same had happened with me too , where i complained to supervisors and they didn take much notice and wen HR got involved they lied to cover they own backs by saying it was banter and sticking up for the guy who was harassing me

Yet the guy who was abusing /tochering and spreading romers about me insulting me got away with everything where as me might get a dismissal for standing up for myself.

Where is the justice in thats?
:(

November5th

There were two problems with sexual harassment at my last workplace.
Both were everything to do with power games.
One man was a little pervert, I complained to the MD who said, "oh that's just how he is" so I put a video camera on my desk. It warned him off enough. Thing with this guy, he was awful in so many other ways it really clouded the unwanted hugs and massages. So if you had raised a formal grievance about his episodes of screaming at people (as I did) when you then tried to approach the sexual harassment it did look like you might be trying it on. I was fortunate to be experiencing it with a colleague and we could support each other but we had to deal with it ourselves.

The next case was a little more unusual, it was a woman who touched and stroked all of us. You could try and pass it off as someone just being a 'very tactile person' but it was horrible, invasive and disturbing. I felt worse for the men, she used to go to their desks and just lean all over them, and she was a big lady! As she wasn't in the office too often it just got tolerated, or people just walked away. I always remember a new girl had started and she came up to me and told me this woman had felt up her breasts. Extraordinary.

Yes, the last company I worked for was the most dysfunctional environment I have ever experienced. The problem is, if just a little bit of this behaviour is shown to be tolerated, even condoned, it spreads like a virus.

Still, I see that useless ex MD at tribunal tomorrow!

lost-away

Good luck

I hope there was something i could do too, but there isnt anything i can.

i have my disciplinary on tues ,


would anyone know if i can request to see the cctv an show them what he did as they have said they cant see anything.

lost-away

lost-away wrote: »

Good luck

I hope there was something i could do too, but there isnt anything i can.

i have my disciplinary on tues ,


would anyone know if i can request to see the cctv an show them what he did as they have said they cant see anything.

Anyone??

Also is it best to resign then being sacked?

Or could they refuse the resignation?


any help would be greatful as i dont have enough time.

dmg24

lost-away wrote: »

Anyone??

Also is it best to resign then being sacked?

Or could they refuse the resignation?


any help would be greatful as i dont have enough time.

In what way did you stand up for yourself?

lost-away

dmg24 wrote: »

In what way did you stand up for yourself?

not so much stood up after the insult incident he came back to abuse me and i swore at him


and few days later i heard something to which i asked a supervisor if it true
to that they accused me of spreading romers.

lost-away

dmg24 wrote: »

In what way did you stand up for yourself?

hiya dmg

i was sending you a pm but you mail box is full