If you are being sexually harassed at work

ceridwen

missindecisive wrote: »

I was sexually harrassed in an office I worked in, he was my manager. I was in my twenties, about to get married, he was in his fifties.
He used to come out with all sorts of inappropriate comments, not just to me but to the other younger female staff.
Here's just a couple of examples;

A female colleague passed him on the stairs, he said to her " ooh this is where young girls might get raped by their managers whilst no-one is looking"
Another day he said to me- " Don't worry honey, you will find it easier to deal with difficult customers when you are married and having more regular sex with your husband"

He was a gymnastics coach (god knows why he was overweight and not one bit athletic). He was once overheard in the staff room how he really ENJOYED supporting the younger girls over the vault and how " you never know where your hands might accidently end up touching someone"
There were lots of sickly comments that just used to make us all totally cringe.
Was he joking? Was it just a sick inapproproiate sense of humour that was'nt shared by the female staff? maybe. But the point is this, he made nearly all of us feel uncomfortable and uneasy,and he seemed to do it more to the younger females.
Then the day came,perhaps when I'd heard it one time to many. I can't actually remember what exactky he said to me, think ive blocked it out. But he made the mistake of making one of his 'comments' in front of another male colleague. I turned around and calmly said , in my loudest voice
"if you don't stop sexually harrassing me and making these inappropriate remarks I will report you to Hr and bring in my union rep to sort this out- ive had enough of your silly inuendos, you are a pathetic silly man, and I dont care if you are my manager or not, Im sure your wife will be very interested to hear what this is all about. And xx here, is my witness "

And with that, he promptly went as white as a sheet, and fell silent. Maybe he had'nt realised just how he was coming across and making us all feel-or perhaps he was on such a power trip it had'nt occurred to him that anyone would be prepared to stand up for themselves. Whatever the though process behind his cretinous little brain, he did'nt do it again, shortly afterwards he retired. Needless to say, I did'nt contribute towards his leaving pressy !:rotfl:

Very good comment:T

gwen80

Strider590 wrote: »

Desk jockey's don't know how easy they have it.

I think some people need to experience working on a factory floor for a year or two..... They'd then laugh at the pathetic ramblings of whining office staff.

That's where I started and it really has hardened me against all this nonsense.... Especially when people gossip so much that they turn nothing at all into a huge issue!

Desk jockey's??

Are you saying that everybody needs to work on a factory floor for a year or two otherwise they have no right to an opinion on sexual harassment?

What makes you think that working at a desk rather than on a factory floor makes life easier??

Are you saying that we should all just become 'hardened' to sexual harassment?

Have you ever been sexually harassed?

Are you aware that in it's most serious form sexual harassment can lead to sexual assault or rape??

Do you really believe that sexual harassment is nothing at all which has been turned into a huge issue?

ceridwen

Hi Gwen

I'd just ignore Strider if I were you. His remarks are offensive - and in no way helpful - 'tis best to "pass swiftly over" on any remarks like this.

If he gets any worse - I'll just report him to MSE Abuse - but if you wish to report him sooner then be my guest:)

There ARE some men who really don't seem to see it about what its like to be in this position:( - hence they make belittling remarks...

(Hope your appeal has gone well....).

Strider590

gwen80 wrote: »

Desk jockey's??

Are you saying that everybody needs to work on a factory floor for a year or two otherwise they have no right to an opinion on sexual harassment?

What im saying is..... Some of what office staff see as sexual harassment, shop floor staff would see as a bit of banter and probably each would give as good as they got.
I'm not saying anyone's wrong or anyone's right, but in my experience office staff have this clique/gossip thing going on, where small insignificant things can turn into a mountain of a problem.

Evident by the silly little notes/notices that get put up on walls because someone forgot to clean a spoon after making a cuppa.

When you work on the shop floor and your co-worker gets run over by a forklift truck and looses an arm, the dirty spoon somehow pales in comparison!

I think it's important to know the difference between banter and harassment. Ruining someone's career because they came out with a sexual innuendo just to get a laugh, it's not on.....

ceridwen

Strider

I suggest you read the accounts of just what has happened to Gwen80 and the other poster on here recently as to what has happened/is happening to them and it's certainly rather more than a "bit of banter". Hippygran has also stated what happened to her some time back - WAY more than a "bit of banter". So - since when did "flashing" constitute a "bit of banter"? When did unwanted physical contact (the arm round the shoulders from the Boss with B.O.) constitute a "bit of banter"? I'm a pretty affectionate person myself - and very likely to do something like putting an arm round someone - BUT and this is the big BUT...its purely an affectionate thing and ONLY to someone who I know will smile in welcome and relax if I do so and I'm well aware a lot of people simply don't like physical contact (and I know this will mean anyone who doesnt actively/obviously like me) - there is a very big difference.

I think we are all intelligent women and capable of drawing a distinction between "a bit of banter" and sexual harassment by now.

In this day and age - where jobs are much more difficult to get than many of us have been used to - then it is particularly important that no-one feels pressurised into leaving a job they wouldnt otherwise choose to (ie because a colleague is sexually harassing them). We've all got quite enough to put up with with employers setting targets/freezing or even cutting pay/hassling genuinely sick staff/etc/etc without having any "personal" issues like this also coming into play.

1984ReturnsForReal_2

ceridwen wrote: »

Hi Gwen

I'd just ignore Strider if I were you. His remarks are offensive - and in no way helpful - 'tis best to "pass swiftly over" on any remarks like this.

If he gets any worse - I'll just report him to MSE Abuse - but if you wish to report him sooner then be my guest:)

There ARE some men who really don't seem to see it about what its like to be in this position:( - hence they make belittling remarks...

(Hope your appeal has gone well....).

What a complete load of rubbish.

Firstly you want to have a good read of MSE rules & make sure you understand them fully before wasting a moderators time as you consistently hint at others to do.

Secondly what is it with this "some men" thing? Have you got an issue with men in general or is it just on MSE?

Oh, and Thirdly while we are at it you may want to think of referring people to a professional organisation instead of dishing out unqualified advice that effects peoples employment & sanity instead of giving out advise like "no plunging necklines".

ceridwen

1984

As the person who started this thread - I would like it to stay strictly factual please. Agressive comments for the sake of it don't actually have anything helpful to add.

If you do have anything helpful to add - eg helpful advice to deal with such situations - then that is what the thread is for. What it is NOT for is agressive comments for some reason unknown to us.

I'm sorry if you woke up with a headache or something - but please don't take it out on us.

1984ReturnsForReal_2

ceridwen wrote: »

1984

As the person who started this thread - I would like it to stay strictly factual please. Agressive comments for the sake of it don't actually have anything helpful to add.

If you do have anything helpful to add - eg helpful advice to deal with such situations - then that is what the thread is for. What it is NOT for is agressive comments for some reason unknown to us.

I'm sorry if you woke up with a headache or something - but please don't take it out on us.

Whatever.....

gwen80

Strider590 wrote: »

What im saying is..... Some of what office staff see as sexual harassment, shop floor staff would see as a bit of banter and probably each would give as good as they got.
I'm not saying anyone's wrong or anyone's right, but in my experience office staff have this clique/gossip thing going on, where small insignificant things can turn into a mountain of a problem.

Evident by the silly little notes/notices that get put up on walls because someone forgot to clean a spoon after making a cuppa.

When you work on the shop floor and your co-worker gets run over by a forklift truck and looses an arm, the dirty spoon somehow pales in comparison!

I think it's important to know the difference between banter and harassment. Ruining someone's career because they came out with a sexual innuendo just to get a laugh, it's not on.....

This thread is to give advice to anybody who may feel that they're being sexually harassed. I think you have a rather narrow view of what sexual harassment is.

People on these boards work in a variety of job environments (not merely confined to 'office' or 'factory floor' jobs) and unfortunately some of them will be sexually harassed at work. Your own experiences will likely be different to others who post on these boards.

This thread is to promote awareness of the issue of sexual harassment and for you to assume the problem consists of merely 'banter', you are doing men and women on these boards a disservice.

Strider590

ceridwen wrote: »

So - since when did "flashing" constitute a "bit of banter"?

I've seen this many a time on the shop floor, guys flashing their wares and women either laughing at the idiot or doing the same/similar back.
Banter is exactly what it was.

This is why im saying that some people need to experience that sort of environment before they judge.

ceridwen wrote: »

When did unwanted physical contact (the arm round the shoulders from the Boss with B.O.) constitute a "bit of banter"?

Have you either thought about the psychology of this?
It doesn't have to be sexual!!! Bosses use this as a way of asserting their top dog status, petting their subordinates is definitely a way of doing this... I've gotten angry and wound up with this behaviour, but have never seen it as sexual.

They will do it with anyone they feel even slightly intimidated by as a way of asserting their alpha male status, guys do this ALL the time and not just in the workplace.