please help, im at my wits end

addictedtosoreen

my 5 year old son refuses to poo on the toilet. today for example he has pooed in his pants at school 3 times. we then went to cricket practice with my older two boys and he pooed again. i dont know where to turn. i have tried to talk to him as to why and he just shrugs at me. i have tried reward charts, bribery and naughty step when he does mess himself but nothing has worked. the health visitor suggested he was constipated and to give him lactulose to make him go (hopefully on the loo) all that did was make him have the runs in his pants.
i am constantly throwing his undies away coz i cant get them properly cleaned and i cant face scraping poo out of them time and time again.
he has now started peeing in his pant coz he says he "forgets" to go.
please can anyone help, i am at my wits end as this has gone on for months and i just cant cope
thanks

patchwork_cat

I heard of an organisation that helps in these cases a year or so ago, but I can't remember the name. However I have found this for you http://www.eric.org.uk/

milliemonster

Awww hun, I know exactly where you are coming from as my son has suffered from this and he is nearly 8 now, have you had a chat with the school nurse? if not, ask the school to speak to her, the advice we were given was to not make a huge deal out of it and just clean him up when he messes and carry on as normal with the view that he would grow out of it.

Your son WILL grow out of it I promise, mine still does it occasionally but not as much as he used to, although when he needs a poo if he doesn't get to the loo quick enough he will do it in his pants still.

I completely understand how frustrating it is, how tiresome you get and you worry about how he will be treated at school etc, but it really is incredibly common I was told.

Have a chat with the school nurse and try to relax, I know it's hard

good luck xx

pupsicola

Its very common for kids to have issues about where they poo. You can get a kid to wee in the toilet from quite an early age. Doing a no2 at first can feel like an odd sensation to little kids.

I noticed that he has only recently started school. This is a huge transition in a little persons life and can unbalance them for a bit. At schools where I have worked previously they have a storecupboard of spare clothes because of situations like this.

Hate to say it but at some point his little classmates will probably help him see the light. My eldest son was just like your child when he was 4 1/2. It took for him to get caught short and into a right bloody mess whilst we were at an adventure playground. Some slightly older kids took the mick out of him and laughed. Felt awful for him at the time but it worked wonders. No way was he going to let himself feel embarrasssed like that again.

meritaten

there can be a few reasons for this - but poo-ing how many times (4?) in one day is ringing alarm bells! I think your first step should be the GP. then go on from there. once you have eliminated medical reasons then post back hun.

addictedtosoreen

i am now crying, not sure why, but prob relief that its not just me and mac that have this problem
thank you soooo much for taking the time to reply, it means the world
thank you
Rach and Mac x

bertie200

you are not alone, this is extremely common.

my Daughter would hold herself from going, sometimes for weeks, she was checked medically, there was nothing wrong, just she didn't like going.

we had years of issues with this until she got older, her bowel muscles are so strong that now, even as an adult, she only goes once a week.

I understand your frustration, the more of an issue you make it, the more it becomes a problem, yet if you ignore it, how can you sort it?

we ended up having special "toilet days", we picked Saturdays and Wednesdays and Daughter would sit on the loo and try to go, after a few weeks of trying this, she did get in the pattern of going, but it did take ages.

we laugh about it now, but at the time it was a total misery.

good luck, just remember that eventually he will grow out of it, it won't be like it forever.

squidge60

My sil had this with her youngest and she put him in boxers (not saying its the answer)but it worked for her.:)

meritaten

was son ok on the potty? because sometimes the big toilet is a scary place for toddlers! also they are NOT comfortable on there! toilets are not really very well designed! too high for small persons and they are cold! and thats speaking for myself!

pupsicola

My niece was also like this at around 4 years of age. My brother and sil were pulling their hair out worried about when she would start school. She refused to do no2 unless she was in pull ups. Went two days once as my sil lost the plot and told her she was going in normal pants. So they buckled again and put her back in the pull ups. They managed to get her to sit on a potty and she would go in her pull ups. Then they cut a whole in the pull ups and what do you know next time she went she had done a no2 in the potty. So proud of herself she was that from then on she did it all the time. Much to all the families relief as we were all feeling worried about the lot of them by then.

lyndsay1986

My son is 5 too and we had this problem with him .

He used to poo in his pants ..when asked he would say 'i cant go to the toilet very well' one day he told me mummy if you buy me those ben 10 pants we seen at asda i wont poo in them

He hasnt had an accident since lol

now my 3yr old ..he wont even attempt toilet training!