Her family is massive

Kittendreich

We had a similar issue that we both have largish families. To invite everyone would have just been too many people. We compromised by both inviting the same basic family to the daytime (siblings, parents, grandparents and aunts/uncles) and then we had the choice of around 15 other people each - I chose to invite my cousins, he had more family friends. We were both happy with our choice and made sure the both sets of parents knew why my cousins were invited, but his weren't and vice versa.

It isn't her fault that she has a huge family and you don't. Like the other posters I don't think you should 'tell' her what you will accept as you are paying - after all a marriage is a partnership between you so it doesn't matter which of you is paying. It depends what you both will be happy with - what does she think? Have you discussed it?

podperson

I think you need to speak to your partner, maybe don't focus so much on the split between your guests and hers but mention the cost and that you had wanted a small wedding. I would say it depends a lot on her relationship with her family - is she close to all her aunts/uncles/cousins or are there some she barely sees and could justify just inviting to the evening do or something? For example, I have a lot of cousins - some I'm quite close to and some I haven't seen in years and didn't get on with that well then. I don't feel I should be obliged to invite them to a small wedding just because of the family relationship.

gandy

koloko wrote: »

Good morning

We want to invite immediate family and friends. Immediate family is siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

you sound like my poor other half, my dad is one of 14 (yes i did say 14) and my mum is one of 7 so i actually put my foot down and said immediate family (siblings, parents, don't have grandparents, aunts and uncles) absolutely no cousins however cause i have about 50 of the damn things lol and if the cousins want to come for the evening they'll be more than welcome.

its still more coming on my side of the wedding but my OH is just happy that we'll have a good party crowd lol.

mind you we've been saving for nearly 2 years the both of us and i've been fairly ruthless on my side of the family cause i didn't want a OTT crowd going (we couldn't have afforded it anyway).

maybe this might be the way to go.... aunts and uncles only and maybe 1 or 2 cousins who she might be close with but the rest of the family can come to the evening do.

that's a pretty good compromise to be honest, i don't see most of my cousins (besides for family funerals mostly) maybe it's the way to go.

Baberuth153

HI there,

I feel your pain - my OH parents are one of 10 and 6! Which is 32 aunts and uncles alone on his side. I have just 3 aunts and uncles and unfortunately we have no grandparents left on either side.

However, my OH’s family do understand that there are a lot of them and how expensive and difficult things can get! So we have ruled no cousins at the wedding at all, even though this disallows some very close people on both sides.

So his family & my family combined with friends gives us around 100 people which is perfect, rather than the 150 it would be if cousins came.

Nobody is upset and everyone is accepting!

MrsC....tobe

Ours is the same. We are only paying for immediate family including grandparents, and a few friends. That means 22 on my side and 6 on H2Bs side, then us. And we haven't even started on friends yet!
It is very unbalanced and I don't yet know how we are going to sort it but we will get there. Anyone else that would like to come will be given the option of paying for themselves, it's the only way we can afford to do it!

laura2481

I would suggest that you discuss it with your fiance but perhaps go for something smaller during the day: parents, grandparents, your siblings, bridal party and a few friends (the really close ones) Then evening for aunts, uncles, cousins, less close friends and work coleagues etc. Then it should be a bit better balanced during the day, and you are only paying buffet prices to feed everyone, rather than a sit down. Just a thought...