Her family is massive

koloko

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Bride2be24

I feel for u and am sure my H2B will more so because we have atm 101 during the day and only 20 of them are OHs family the rest is mine. My family is huge too x

koloko wrote: »

Good morning

I'm engaged to be married and I'm just trying to do a budget to find out how long it will take to save up for the wedding.

One problem I have is that my girlfriends family is massive. Her dad has 8 brothers and her mum is one of 7.

We want to invite immediate family and friends. Immediate family is siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

For me this is 14 people. For my girlfriend this is 88 people.

This is causing me three issues:
1. I'm paying for this wedding myself and the number coming from her family is doubilng? tripling? the cost.
2. The party will be a ratio of 88:14 her family to mine
3. With only a few friends on top I'm having to find a venue to feed 150 people.

It's a strange situation - it's not her fault her family is so large but I'm struggling to afford those numbers and I'd like more of a balance of guests & a few more friends invited.

Would I be unreasonable if I told her she can't invite any more than 40 members of her family?

sammy_wheeler

no your not being unreasonable. its your wedding too.
would you consier going abroad and then a receception at home with who you both want?
it is a very large amount. i kinda have the same, im one of 2 where as hubby2be is one of 6, with loads of neices and nephews. our wedding guest list coms to about 55. which i am happy with. for us it was if i dont know you you are not coming to the wedding. i dont wanna share my wedding day with ppl i dont know- i want to look back at my photos in years to come and know everyone in them!

i think you need to sit down with her and tell her how you feel
its the marriage which is more important than the day!

Maysie

You might cause serious offence and ructions along certain branches if some get an invite and others not. This can drag on for years if aunty blah blah gets the hump. Though you can cut costs by just inviting to evening reception?

What sort of wedding do you actually want? Full course wedding breakfast, buffet catered or self-catered. If you give a rough idea and your area i am sure people can come up with suggestions to save cost.

Bluespirit

Its a difficult situation, as I'm sure your fiancee won't want to upset her family either, but I completely understand that you want a more balanced wedding. We're in a smaller version of your situation - neither of my parents had brothers or sisters, so I have no aunts/uncles/cousins, and all grandparents are sadly dead, so it means my family are essentially my mum and dad, two sisters + partners, and a neice and nephew. OH has 5 sets of aunts and uncles, and numerous cousins. We agreed a total number of guests and are splitting it down the middle, which means I get to ask a lot more friends, and he has the decision of how to distribute his invites. Could you maybe do something similar?

bella-h

i think the problem would be that if she invited one aunty/uncle then why not the rest? so it may cause a bit of friction in the family

but yes definitely sit down and talk to her about it, especially about the cost. agree with sammy that if you dont know or see some family members then there shouldnt be the obligation to invite them

mummyroysof3

i think wwhat type of wedding you want will decide really, we got married at 4pm and then had a buffet and disco type reception rather than a sit down meal as it was much cheaper and we could then invite more people. we had 200 at our evening reception, not all of those came to the church though lol

Morty_007

wow, we have this imbalance too now i'm thinking about it but to be quite honest, it didn't even cross my mind during the planning!! It was about us, not me vs him... if you see what I mean? They may not start out the day being your family but they do end the day being your family....

RainbowDrops

I'm in the opposite situation, but I wouldn't feel happy putting restrictions on the family members.
Yes the numbers may be different, but the "family" split is the same, so it would be unfair to only invite some uncles / aunts and not others.
Can you ask your OH to help out with costs?

Magicboo

Horrible situation to be in, but perhaps you should try to talk to her about the options, rather than "tell" her..?

PolishBigSpender

How do you think she should choose her guests? This aunt is invited, and this one is not, because...? It will cause upset and may cause offence to her family even before you are married!
Maybe you could eliminate all the aunts, uncles and cousins, just stick to parents, siblings and grandparents? Or at least do not invite cousins?

Can't she just pay for her own guests?

Can't you get a bigger venue and invite more of your own friends?