Her family is massive

fly_dragon_fly

we had this issue with my side too we could only have 65 for the sit down meal, my side of the family had 50+ as did husbands.

so what we did was invite the actual aunts and uncles and if they had children under 18 then them too.

if they had children over 18 they got a wedding / evening invite.

most of my aunts / uncles children are in there late 20's / 30's with children of their own so it just couldn't be done.

misscoupon

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

we had this issue with my side too we could only have 65 for the sit down meal, my side of the family had 50+ as did husbands.

so what we did was invite the actual aunts and uncles and if they had children under 18 then them too.

if they had children over 18 they got a wedding / evening invite.

most of my aunts / uncles children are in there late 20's / 30's with children of their own so it just couldn't be done.

If you can't afford to have everyone during the day part, I would go that way too. Maybe only invite the cousins' generation to the evening only and I'm sure they will understand and they still get to be with you on your special day.

Dekazer

I agree that having a discussion with your fiancee would be preferable to telling her what she should do. A couple of other things strike me as well.

First off, do you feel like you're shouldering the whole cost yourself without your fiancee's support/help? It sounds like you two might want to discuss who's contributing what, and what that means for the wedding. If she's at home because you have children (or something like that) then maybe she can't earn as much, but does that really mean that you have to pay the whole amount and therefore get to make all the big decisions? Could lead to problems later - I'd sit down and have a frank talk about it soon..

Second, have you thought about the type of wedding? If you're looking for a venue that can accommodate everyone at the ceremony AND have a sit down dinner AND an evening reception, you would have the space but it will be pricier. If you preferred a smaller ceremony (50 people in a registry office) and then a big party, perhaps you could really limit the numbers for the ceremony and wedding breakfast, and then invite all and sundry to the evening do...

Lastly, as other posters have suggested, there are other ways to save money for meals (buffets and such). You might want to start looking round cheaper venues where you could supply your own alcohol - there are some wonderful places around and you've got plenty of time.

Good luck, and congratulations

aliasojo

koloko wrote: »

Would I be unreasonable if I told her she can't invite any more than 40 members of her family?

Yes, you would be.

If the tables were turned, what would you do if you were the one with a large family?

Don't get me wrong, I have loads of sympathy for you, I've always thought it stupid to spend shedloads on one day, especially if funds are tight.

However, you can't tell her how things are going to be, it's up to the two of you to talk about this and come to some sort of compromise. You're going to be doing loads of that in the future anyway so you may as well see this as a practice run.

floss2

We didn't invite cousins, as my OH has more that he is in touch with than me.
We added up immediate family as you have with then the very close friends we wanted there all day, and added everyone else to te evening list.

laurarobby

im struggling too although our ratio isnt as bit as yours its still frustrating.. and its my family that are big. OH has 11 and i have 26 and that is without inviting cousins partners plus or 2 children. i could quite happily cut 6people although they are close im not that bothered about the been there but i think my mum will not be best pleased. we also have our best man and MOH and would like some clost friends but cant afford more then 40 for the day time! so annoying! we are paying for it all ourselfs too.. sorry i cant help but ur not alone! x

sharpee

We're having the same problem. I have 6 in my familh and H2B has over 60!!! I have been honest from the start of our relationship (3years) and said that when I was to get married I only want a small Wedding. So I think we're limiting the guest numbers to 20 and only inviting parents, siblings, our closest aunt & uncle and a couple of friends each.

HSB was a little upset but as I pointed out I have always said I only want a small wedding, I am paying for it and it is his second wedding.

I know this may sound harsh but I take the view I have been open and honest right from the start.

Plus to have the style of wedding I want it isn't affordable to invite too many.

Sit down with her and discuss it. If she feels that strongly about having large numbers then can't she help with the cost?

7roland8

I would say its most unfair.
Guests should be 50:50 - you can have your cousins but sut all girlfriends out - also have more of your friends - she shouldn't expect to just ask the whole lot - just do aunts/uncles - but you have all yours and some friends.

BackOnTrack

Sounds like you need to elope. Is just inviting parents, brothers, sisters, bestman and bridesmaid an option? You could then invite everyone to the evening bit and have the marriage blessed in front of them or something?

shellsuit

In the day at our wedding, there were 30 of mine and 6 of hubbys.

In the evening, there were a further 11 of hubbys friends and a further 50 members of my family.

All parents, Grandparents, plus my Auntys and Uncles were invited to the day and all my cousins and their little families were invited to the evening.

None of hubbys Auntys/Uncles and cousins came because none of them speak.

Could you not do the same, maybe have all the cousins and friends just in the evening? (Unless they're in the bridal party of course)