Long Distance Relationship - Any advice

lostinrates

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

First, there is a 'settling in' time when you are together. At first I felt really disappointed that he wasn't making a fuss of me but somehow we needed time to just get used to each other again. Don't be alarmed if this happens you.

Actually, this is a big one.

Its me that finds he adjustment hard. And there are things that make it harder....e.g. I do things in the house a certain way and living a lone its easy to get used to that. Its important to remember....and it sounds silly, but remember that the lovely clutter free entrance hall when you are alone is the place he sees as empty space for his bag....that the sink will be left wet and splashy....and its not the end of the world if your socks get wet three minuted after you have put them on....little things that living alone you control and in ANY relationship you adapt around or tackle, but its NOT worth losing time when you have snatched weekends/weeks with each other. They'll cloud over the tie you have together AND the time you are apart. (big relationship issues are different thing and need to be talked/emailed through as they arise, just as if you were face to face but with the benefit of time to take a cool head and a cup of tea. )

Now, DH and I are only apart Mon morning till friday afternoon, and Fridays are the best days of the week, but I also enjoy the shiny bathroom through the week and that I can indulge my own little pernickty things alone sometimes.


pupsicola, we turned down a Moscow option a couple of years ago, which was really difficult decision. I was coping with more on my own than I was used to, and the flights were long and the ''partners'' options when I could get over were really limited for my interests. It was sad as I would have been really interested in the time off over there, but we decided the day to day restrictions for our circumstance were to big a hurdle. We have another option on the table now and are dithering over it. Neither of us WANT a two year option apart with three monthly visits, but both of us would like a stint in the place....I can't go with him for longer stays now, as we recently bought a smallholding.

pupsicola

My long distance relationship was 17 years ago and Moscow was a very different place then. It was fascinating going over there, something I managed every couple of months. Some of the letters my partner recieved from me had been opened before he got them and certain things blacked out. So we just got round that by faxing instead. When he eventually emigrated to UK he bought all the letters with him and I still have them. Some of our phone calls were cut off mid way through too.

We think we live in a "Big brother is watching you" society now. UK has nothing on Russia.

Depending on where you oh ends up abroad it can have its benefits. I have the most amazing collection of jewellery, amber necklaces and the like. So not all bad.

balletshoes

lonelyone wrote: »

Hi all,

Just looking a bit of advice and support really

I'm been in a relationship with someone for about 5 years now, and they are now working away for 6 months. He had been out of work for a while and then took this job, so I know its good for him, but i'm just feeling very alone

I'm just looking for advice on anything which can make it better or seem quicker,

I'm just really missing him, and its very expensive to phone him too often, and due to work and expense weekends with eachother aren't going to happen too often. I do have one weekend planned to visit to him, but i'm only actually going to be there fron sat afternoon to early sunday evening, as i have to get 2 flights to get home again.

Anyone any similar exeriences?

P.S - I'm a regular user of the boards, just registered a new username for this issue, don't want him worrying about how much i'm missing him!

Keep busy - don't hang around the house waiting for him, get out, meet your friends, family, do your own thing. It really makes the time go by more quickly. Its only 6 months out of your lives together, sure you will have times when you hate it and feel alone, but as you say, its good for him, and it could be good for you too. I've done it, spent the first 4 years of my relationship (including the first 7 months or so of my marriage) doing the long distance thing. Its hard, but it passes .

Tish_P

If you haven't got a good enough internet connection for skype, you can use webchat on Google Talk. It's not as good, because you only get text not sound, but you can have something approximating a conversation and it's better than nothing.

Post things too. Send postcards when you go out of town. Exchange small silly presents.

Get involved in LOTS of things. Join clubs. Attend church if you're religious, join choirs if you're musical, campaign if you're political, find a knitting group if you're crafty. Enjoy your independence as much as you can. You have a freedom most people don't.

Generic advice about living alone: Buy a box of wine so you can have a glass with dinner without wasting (or feeling you have to drink) the rest of the bottle. And cook yourself nice food and eat it at the table. You can be experimental with your cooking because if it burns or turns out revolting, you can throw it away and go out for fish and chips and nobody else need ever know.

Keep in touch with your friends and make time for them - don't always let them come second to your boyfriend (even though that's the temptation when you miss someone).

Work out as soon as possible how long it'll be long distance. Knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel is priceless.

diable

It a lot easier now as my Dad was in the navy in the 50's so my Mum would get a letter every so often when he was gone for 6 months.

pupsicola

When my nan died she left me all the love letters that my grandad had written to her during the war whilst he was overseas serving with the raf. They were married just over 50 years. Seems love can survive anything if its good enough

lisawood78

Subject close to my heart this one, my husband lives and works away, 'only' 800 miles and I see him most weekends but it goes to show that it can and does work out and he has no plans to come home soon, the money is good and his work is secure.
Like others have said, keep busy, talk/msn/have contact where you can, even write as it can mean more than an e-mail.
It can work, but it can also be hard.
Good luck op

lonelyone

Hello again,

Just thought I'd pop back under this name,

I was away at the weekend seeing the boyfriend, and have came home very depressed. Something just didn't feel right this weekend, we had stupid arguements and somehow I just don't feel as if everything is ok anymore.

We're both under a lot of stress at the minute, he is working really long hours, and I just moved house, so hopefully it was just the timing of the visit was wrong, but i'm just not feeling very upbeat!
Since I came home, we've both apologised for the arguements and general grumpiness and we've been talking and txting everynight still.

I wasn't meant to be seeing him again until he comes home for good, but i think i need to now, or I might just go mad.

Is it wrong to resent the fact that I am using all my annual leave to visit him or for seeing him when he does come home, I know i should relish the prospect of seeing him but sometimes I just don't. He was home for a week at easter and as much as i loved it, I felt as if i didn't get to spend any of my week off with my own friends, whereas he does, and whenever I go visit we always go out for a night with his workmates, which I actually like, but since I'm only there for 2 days at most would really like to just have him to myself, I know he's trying to make sure i have a good time whenever I'm there, and I haven't actually said that i don't want to go out and i know he's not a mind reader but i thought that maybe he would want to spend the weekend with me, since i'm only there one a month at most and he can see the workmates and go out with them every other weekend.

I don't know when he will be home for good, as the company keep changing the contract end date!

I know some of this is irrational, but i think the long distance is just beginning to take its toll on me and I'm reading too much into things!

Thanks for listening to my general rant and any advice gratefully received.

balletshoes

that all sounds perfectly natural and normal in a long distance relationship to me. I think its great that you can be yourselves enough to let your guards down when you see each other and be grumpy/in a bad mood/irritated some of the time - it shows how comfortable you are with each other and you're not being artificial .

Yes, go see him again if you can, in the circs that makes sense to me too. No, you're not wrong to feel like all your annual leave and spare money is taken up with visits to your OH - thats the reality of a long-distance relationship. But it doesn't have to be. Take a couple of those annual leave days for yourself, have a long weekend and enjoy yourself with your friends. I'm all for putting effort into long distance relationships if its what you want to do, but you need to have a life alongside that, so you don't go stale and you're not just counting down the days between visits to your OH.

lonelyone

Thanks,

At least i know its normal! I just can't wait to he comes home now

I used to think our relationship was already long distance, 75 mile apart but at least in the same country! Now i'd give anything for him to be that near!

I do have lots of other things lined up to keep me busy until I see him now, although i think that could be part of the problem, I have no real relaxation time now, but i'm gonna make sure i make some time for myself from now on!